My New Zebra Print Dining Room Chairs!!!!

The Twilight Zone, Marty Feldman and Delusions of Grandeur

Today was nothing shy a Twilight Zone episode. Every sale I went to took sooooo damn long. I literally felt like I was trapped at these carnival houses! And just to add to the insanity, there were some hid-e-ous people out this morning. In fact, there could be another yard sale blogger right now writing about this smokin' hot babe at the yard sales today because compared to these mutants, I was Cindy Crawford in her prime! I want to tell ya'll right now about the gal at my last sale but you're just gonna have to wait! I'll try to get through this quickly....

So! I got up extra early because there were three sales that started at 6:00! The first was a fundraiser so I started there. I did get a pretty nice painting but mostly it was crap. The next two were across the street from each other but only one rolled out of bed in time for the sale (arrrrr!). As for the sole survivor....she should have slept in as well. I did buy a lemonade from her very aggressive children (good for them!!!) but that was it.

After that, I went to an estate sale (can be wonderful!) but the prices were staggering! In the garage, however, were goods that weren't marked so I thought I'd take a chance. There was no one to ask about prices so I had to wait on line. I waited for twenty minutes!!!!! By the time I was a couple of people away from Betty and Myrtle running the sale, my restless legs were going faster than the speed of sound! Luckily for my geriatric check out girls, they priced me right and I was finally out of there. I scored an odd old kid's chair with a really high back with a loop on the top. I don't quite get it but I love it nonetheless. I also got a beautiful old oil painting that Myrtle said her grandmother painted of a creek in Alabama. It's signed by Sara Long which sounded so familiar and sure enough, when I got home, I looked around my house and found another painting (this one of a barn and a field) by none other than Ms. Sara Long!! How crazy is that? Maybe I can open a gallery of her work. Aren't posthumous artists worth more money? I'll have to check tax records and other documents downtown to see if I can find any more of her relatives to stalk. When did I get so creepy?

My next sale, I realized when I pulled up, was where I bought my fabulous dining room table for $40 so I was excited but I must have bought all their goodies last time because they had slim pickins today.

After that was also a site of a previous score (some great, rustic plant stands) but again, another let down.

Moving on......my next sale was inside an old, cool bungalow and they appeared to be moving (oh, boy!) but what a time consuming disappointment it was!! As soon as I walked in, I noticed a great, yellow wicker table. I asked, 'how much' to which the man replied, '$5 unless you buy some other stuff'. Five was just too much for the table so I began to look around. After digging through all their boxes, I found a sort of cute print of ladies on surfboards. I asked a different guy the price but he told me I had to ask Steve. Well! Steve (with his loud, North Jersey accent!) was doing 'big business' on the phone about an 'antique piece' (that was particle board crap from the 8o's!!!) and I had to wait.....and wait......and wait........until finally I stuck the print in his face and he whispered, 'just put it in your pile' and I thought I was going to lose it! He noticed my mood and finally hung up with his 'big buyer' only to tell me the print was $10!!! At that point, I put both over priced items down at his feet and finally, finally got out of there! What the hell was going on today? I can usually be in and out of a yard sale in under two minutes with great finds under my arms! Why was this morning so different?

..........and different it was!! The next sale was in a neighborhood that has had bogus sales the last few weeks but this one had signs so although there was nothing on their lawn, I just couldn't take it anymore and I knocked on the door. Just after I did I realized I was psycho and I turned around. Sure enough, as I was pulling away, a man wrapped in a towel came to the door. What the f*^# was going on this morning??????

The next sale had crap Goodwill would turn down but I still left with a pair of glasses with lobsters on them. They were red (you know that's my weakness!) and a dime a piece so why not? Unfortunately, my purchase led her to tell me her life story and I wanted to shoot myself but when I die I don't want it to be on Throw-Mama-From-the-Train's front lawn. Man was she a looker!!

Finally, my last sale was in the backyard (which tend to be good ones) but not this time. The sale, so help me God, consisted of two plastic lounge chairs, rusty tools and a sheet with six items of clothes that the world's ugliest woman was laying out. Not only did she have a severe lazy eye but she talked really slowly. All of that could have been over looked but she looked so much like Marty Feldman, particularly from Young Frankenstein, that it was uncanny! I think I gasped when she turned around! What the hell has my life come to? What am I doing with these people every Saturday morning? Can't I be a normal mom and take my kids to soccer? I guess at least I have my looks. Then again I'm going by this morning's bell curve. Maybe next, I'll get a bite to eat at The Waffle House! I could do some shopping at Walmart. Maybe even stop by The Division of Motor Vehicles! Man, I could ride this wave of delusional beauty for a week if I tried! Keep your comments to yourself, people! It's been a loooong morning!

Shabby Aqua Blue Pie Crust Tabble now at Ivy Cottage!!

Left is a pic of my super

cheap pie crust table

before paint and shabbitization.

...............AND HERE SHE IS AFTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

National Pride, New Yard Sale Commission and Dreamy House Projects

I don't know. It must be getting closer to the 4th of July or something. All I know is that the Yard Sale Gods clearly have picked lil' ol' me to put on one hell of an American extravaganza here on Wrightsville Ave!!! I've been saying for years that I've wanted to get on the cover of the newspaper for the 4th (with my 15' painted flag on my garage and all) but now I have no excuse. I literally bought thirteen flags this morn from big to small (one for each of the original thirteen colonies maybe?). I plan to put one on each of my fence posts and hanging the mac daddy from the upstairs balcony! Hot diggity it's gonna be a sight!!!! Throw my son in, chasing a hen and Norman Rockwell, himself, might rise from the dead to capture the moment! It's seriously torturing me right now writing this YSM installment when all I want to do is play with my new stars and stripes!!!! Let's just move on (quickly).........I'll start from the beginning...............

My first sale was terrific but their prices were too steep. Ditto for the second one (one street over in the same nice neighborhood). I would write that sales in this 'hood are too rich for my blood but then a third freestyle appeared out of nowhere and I got a great old (the man said at least 30 years) gumball machine! It even has vintage gum in it (which he begged me to throw out when I get home.....we'll see......might finally teach 'em to listen when mama says 'no!'). Anyway, I'm so excited. I think I'll swap out the one I have in my kitchen for this one. The small one I bought a few weeks ago just sold, too, at my store. How could you not love a gumball machine? How??

So, after that I hit a sale that was enormous but strictly clothes. Really?? After that was a sale at the bowling alley and I was hoping to see my guy with the old bottles but he wasn't there. The rest was crap. I'm starting to think this new 'flea market' they've been trying to build is a week away from gen-u-ine Polex watches and perhaps some Cucci if you're lucky!!! Not this girl. I already done put my time in sporting imitation timepieces and their expectant green wrists of shame.

My next stop was supposed to be a 'neighborhood sale' but it was just two ladies and a combination of $10 max in profit between them. I'm thinking I might nominate myself as head of the Yard Sale Commission and start fining people for false advertisement. I will also write citations for those who neglect to take down their old signs (and send innocent salers on quests for sales of days gone by). Also, as head of the YSC, I will force people to disclose in their ads if they have only baby shit to sell. On top of the fines, I will force habitual offenders to pay in an ever changing location that will have signs that may or may not lead to an actual establishment. The profits will go to a City of Wilmington van that will collect all items if any given sale has no actual ability of making and significant money and take those items directly to Goodwill where they should have been taken in the first place!! Yup, I'll clean up this town! One bad Christmas gift at a time! Can you hear America the Beautiful or is that just me?

Where was I? Oh.... so, finally I got to a sale where I would buy my first flags of the day. They're two vintage ones that I bought with the intention of making them into pillows but that might have to wait until the 5th because the sale after that inspired the patriot in me! I got a huge flag (as tall as me!) and ten hand-held-parade-wavers! Man, what a score!!!! To boot, I also bought a delicious lemon cake and a very old scrabble board!! I would have left there singing Yankee Doodle Dandy but that damn cake was so good I was forced to hum! Does it get any better?

Indeed it might. The sale after that was at a friend of a friend's house and I got four fantastic old windows (that will go with my hundreds of other fantastic windows for my 'greenhouse project' [someday] or even dreamier would be for the house I'm going to build [one day] on our lot and use these as kitchen cabinet doors........ahh............a [poor] girl can dream!!). But get this....... I got them for FREE!!!!!! She also gave me a shirt for my son and a basket of her friend's that she tucked away in her locked car because she knew I'd like it! I had to cough over a buck for that since it wasn't hers but what a stupendous stop it was!!!!

My last sale I scored yet another scrabble game. Blah, blah. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a staple gun in the garage calling my name! For those of you in the area, give me a honk when you see my soon to come, over the top, ode to the 4th! Clark W. Griswald had better step back and take lessons from the master!!! Anyone know where I can get a cannon?

Heat Wave Sale going on at Northrop's Antique Mall!

Mourning a Loss, Front Yard Urinals and Robin Who?

I can't even believe it's been a month since I've written. It's not that I haven't been saling I just have had such jam packed weekends that I've had to rush out the door after I scraped the junk funk off my rummaging hands! I guess that's a good thing but I've missed me recaps with y'all!!!

Where to begin? My brain can't remember beyond the last few hours so I'll have to lock the last couple of weeks in my rusty vault and start with this morning......

I had intended to get up at 6:15. There was a 6 o'clocker but since it was the only one before 7, I
thought I'd get there a little late and enjoy some much needed sleep. As it turned out, my nerves over my baby girl going to sleep-away camp tomorrow had me up every ten minutes. At 5:50 I decided I might as well head out. I never thought there would be many folks at the 6 o'clock sale. Boy was I wrong! I couldn't even get a parking spot at the church and I was there by 6!!!!!!!!! And to make my day (which existed of all of 15 minutes by now) a complete downer, there was a man with a fab-u-lous wall clock already checking out! It was about two and a half feet tall, able to be mounted to a wall but it had two arms that stuck out and held the clock and it swiveled and to boot it said 'IBM' on it! This thing was industrial and wonderful and only $5 and worst of all, it wasn't mine! Damn you, early bird!!!! Ugh! What a way to start my day! I'm still in mourning! I don't know why I'm complaining. I did get a Robin costume for my boy (like anyone wants to be Robin and not Batman.......even his name is girlie!!) and suede-esque water bottle (which was ironic since just last night I talked to my husband's aunt who recommended I get that style for my daughter for camp tomorrow. Now I don't have to go to Walmart which is worth it's weight in gold! But still......).

After that, I just drove like a neglected, red headed step child to my next sale. I got there early and it looked so enticing but of course they made us wait until 7. In that time, I started talking to a women visiting town for a family reunion and I mentioned that I liked a mirror that was in the back corner. Wouldn't you know, when they finally let the horses out of the gate, the filthy w&%$ snaked my mirror!!!!!! Son of a b*^#%!!!!! Must have been a Northerner! Damn Yankee!!! Maybe that's how she does it 'back home'!!! Anyway, I did score a corner shelf, two nice old frames, a basket made out of folded newspaper (reminiscent of the old Juicy Fruit bracelets we made in grade school) and a red clamming basket (with seven ceramic pigs which I believe were actually what were marked $5 on the basket and not the terrific basket but I acted dumb [which is easy with my over processed hair] and I got the whole kit and caboodle for the said $5. I walked away like I got away with something but the pigs are hideous. If I were a better person I would have told her to try and sell the snouted knick knacks but I didn't want to raise any red flags so now they're mine. ALL MINE!!!!!! (I'm sure glad Robin didn't sashay in and stop the crime!)

Next up was a sale at an antique store owner's house. I was disappointed when I recognized him but the sale wasn't bad at all. I got two large, great wooden tiki masks that will look awsomeous in my son's surfer room and a signed watercolor still life that with the right frame will be pretty swell. So, not a bad stop.

I went to eight sales after that and I didn't purchase a single thing. Half the sales were kid's crap, others were overpriced and one smelled so much like a urinal I had to bolt. (That one still has me baffled.....it was no dog, people!!!!) So there ya have it! Somewhat of a let down after all this time but what else were you going to do? Read about Weiner's roaming weiner again? Exactly! I may have been responsible for a hog heist but at least you can tune into The YSM without worrying you're going to be exposed to some lude pictures. This is a classy operation I run! You're welcome!!!

Naivety, Torture and Madness

I tell you what......I had a great freakin' morning!!! My route was nice and smooth, I spent next to nothing, I scored some smokin' finds AND I heard some blast from the past music along the way! To think I was praying for rain last night so I could sleep in!!!

So, as luck would have it, although I went to bed late (while honoring Rule #1 mind you!), I woke up at 4:30. I wanted to go back to sleep but I was too afraid I'd go into a deep sleep and not want to sale. Not to worry. I pretty much tossed and turned and stared at the dust covered ceiling fan (really should do something about that) and passed the time away. By 6 I couldn't stand it anymore and began getting ready. I felt like an ass showing up to my first sale that was advertised for 7 at 6:25 but luckily they were setting up and welcomed me with open arms. I got a so-so end table that has great detail and will shabbitize like a champ, a tall bread box that will also have the good fate of my prior find and a completely useless small metal table that has holes drilled in it but what makes it so special is it has four fantastic rusty casters on it that will look amazing on the legs of my coffee table! I've been looking for these for weeks and voila! I can't say I've ever had that much fun before 6:30 a.m!

My next sale equally welcomed their early bird but unfortunately the lady was much too fond of her stuff and had her crap priced insanely high. She did have a great pair of old little kid's roller skates (you know the metal kind with the key!! [with red wheels no less!!!]) that Jane would have just loved but she wanted $12 for them! Twelve dollars!!!! I was a player at one dollar maybe two because it's Jane's birthday soon but sorry dear friend......they're at the corner of Chestnut and 24th if you want them! What the hell?

My next sale was a bit creepy. The house was set pretty far back and the mother in me said, "bring your phone just in case." In actuality, it's messed up that I didn't think, "get the f*#k out of here." Anyway, I went....armed with my Verizon LG.....but I risked my life for nothin'. I walked away, however, thinking of a very funny early yard sale story with Jane. It was before I was blogging but too nuts not to share now. Well!!! We went to this absolutely beautiful old mansion that's very run down and in a sort of shady part of town (aren't you thinking Stephen King already?) We bought a few things from her but couldn't help telling her how great her house was. She said she lived there for six years but was thinking about putting it on the market. That got us to talking and she said the pantry was her favorite part of the house would we like to see it, so like TOTAL IDIOTS Jane and I not only went in her house but walked in her pantry and so help me God she started to close the door on us!!!!! I'm not making this shit up!!! I made a joke about her murdering us and pushed open the door (with some resistance from her pushing it closed) and we got the hell out of there. We were still laughing about this after we narrowly escaped her dry goods room of doom so it didn't seem unusual that her 'son' (who could have played the Robert De Niro character in Cape Fear) was trying to sell us furniture out of his van parked beside the house. SER-I-OUS-LY!!!!! Jane, when you read this, will you please call me! Even years later, we need to report this! What the hell were we thinking? And what the hell were we laughing about?! It is very rare that I think this....but I'm speechless! ....and of course, laughing. What's wrong with me?!!

Well, how in the hell do I move on from that? Ok, I'm over it. Back to my great finds of the day!

So, next up I went to sale where I scored the coolest vintage Diets Like soda bottle; 'The Diet Drink of Seven-Up Quality'. Man, I LOVE old soda bottles with brands I've never heard of! What a stupendous addition to my collection!!!! If that weren't enough, the folks holding the sale were rocking out to Madness; One Step Beyond!!!!! That's seriously one of my favorite all time records!!! What a treat!!!! (I told you I had a great freakin' morning!)

After that, my streak of good timing came to a halt. I was twenty minutes early to a church sale and you know how punctual church sales are! They didn't open their doors til eight on the dot! That left me with the junker carnies for much too long but I really did talk to the nicest stuttering man so it wasn't so bad. When they finally parted the oak seas (ok, metal in this case), it was a mad rush! This always makes me a little anxious. I scooped up not one but two fantastic old wood barrels and a painting that with a little burst of color on it's frame will have to find a new home somewhere on my over crowded walls. And all this in under three minutes! There may have been more goodies inside but I had to get out of there! Crowds really freak me out! Ironic that I can handle the kitchen closet of death but a room full of scavenging bargain shoppers and I bolt! Well, we can be kind of scary!

Ok, well happy saling to you all! May your treasure chest be plentiful and may you never be bound and shackled while shopping! Enjoy!!!

Domestic Fashion, King Tut and Herbert Hoover

Smalls, smalls and more smalls! That's ok. Sometimes the big projects torment me to get them done but in actuality, end up in my garage pergatory. I should be able to transform today's booty into ca$h within a few hours! Here's how it all went down......

My first sale was only a block away (and a 6:30 sale at that!) but as I pulled up it looked as though it would be a drive by. Thank goodness I was still half asleep and I stopped because I got the cutest little girl's vintage Christmas apron for 50 cents! Oh how I love vintage Christmas! It must be all that red!
After that I was so excited to hit a church sale that has been phenomenal in the past but this time the lady said they had an antiques dealer come by to help them price things and Sweet Bejesus was it pricey! They actually had a love seat for $400!!!!! Who even brings that much cash to a yard sale? I was in and out of there in about 2 minutes! I did score an old tea cup stand for my daughter that she can put her necklaces on, a scrabble board and low and behold.....not one but two vintage aprons! One has a great old Egyptian print (which I learned years ago was all the rage in the earlier part of the last century after the discovery of King Tut's tomb in 1922) and the other is none other than vintage Christmas!!!! This holiday season I definitely have to have a cookie making party so I can distribute all of my vintage Christmas aprons and linens. I guess I just hold dear the image of holidays with my Nana with her adorable aprons in her wee little kitchen in Queens. Thank you, Nana, for giving me my taste in domestic fashion and also the knowledge that everything can be reused for another purpose! See.....The Great Depression had it's good merits!

Well, after that I got a great old Singer sewing machine base that with the right shabby wood top will make a great end table or plant stand. (Incidental, my grandfather on the other side was a Singer sewing machine salesman during The Great Depression. I'm told he did quite well, too given the times [I think we have a theme here today!])

The rest of my sales were all nothing special but each I did walk away with yard sale parting gifts. At one I got a three piece wooden pineapple bowl set that painted and shabbitized will be fantastic!! The next sale I got an etched wall mirror with a little bow for hanging (not great but at least it needs no work). After that, I got a super cool 'dinner only' sign in red that's newer but still a find. The gal said it's from something like Sinnerman's Inn downtown but I've never heard of it. Maybe I stopped there for lunch and they were closed....(ba da dah!). Next up I got a little pink flower frame that will go perfectly with last week's metal flowers for my daughter's room. The next sale I got an old wooden jewelery box that just seems more masculine to me so I think I'll paint it with my son in mind but you never know if I start seeing dollar signs or not so I won't mention it to him until I'm sure. Finally, my last stop looked like the epitome of a drive by but I stopped anyway and scored 45 individual paints that were barely used and each had $1.39 stickers on them but I got the whole box for $2!!!!! What a steal!!! So that about wraps it up. I must say I'm more yard sale sober than I'd like to be but sometimes all you need , like Herbert Hoover said .....' is a chicken in every pot'! Looks like I didn't get the stew today but I'll make do. Pity too because I know just what I'd wear!!

Child Preditors, Cat Piss and My Bathroom Delta

Not the morning I had hoped for. I had such a good route and all of my stops were priors so I thought I was totally going to knock it out of the park but nooooooo. Luckily I drove out to Rocky Point yesterday with Jane and Shawna to check out a camp for our kids. (Which incidentally I could have cared less what the place looked like but my girls had some reservations. It didn't surprise me because one of those ladies won't go on a cruise because she's certain someone is going to steal her daughter and sell her into the sex trade. She saw it on Oprah. It can happen. [But I love you, girl!]) Anyway, the camp seemed low on predators so we left feeling satisfied. To throw a cherry on top (sorry about my bad choice of words), we spotted a yard sale in a church out building. When we pulled up, there were several large toothless men sitting on the tailgates of their pick ups. I believe I heard banjo music too but I'm not sure. In fact if there was going to be any molesting going on this would be the place! I'm always down for a party though so we went in. For the love of God when we opened the door the smell of cat piss was beyond overwhelming!! I thought about just turning around but the creepy image of Billy Bob was much too fresh in my head so I dealt with the pungent odor. I was glad I did because I got a great vintage table cloth (which Jane repeatedly hinted that she would love for her birthday), an old toy wagon (which I got one hell of an ear full from the lady about how she pulled her handicapped cat, Mr. Tully, around in it for years) and finally I got a jar set on a stand that will shabbitize itself right into the new millennium. Oh and I got a headband for my daughter that the Cat Woman's handicapped sister crocheted. It seems everyone in her life is handicapped. I hope it has nothing to do with ingesting all this stagnant feline waste. To be on the safe side, we left. Jane scored an out of date decorating book (not jealous) and Shawna got a cute, small, red colander (way jealous!). And she didn't even want to stop!!! Oh well. A nice little unexpected bonus for the day. Now as for today.............

Glad I got a little fix yesterday because this morning has left me with money in my pocket and no junk dealer. What's up with that, yo? I won't bore you with the details of my sightseeing tour of Greater Wilmington but I will tell you that I got a great old suitcase with a couple of cool old stickers on it, 3 metal flowers that are already up in my daughter's room (and look amazing!) and lastly a much needed waste bin for my bathroom because my monsters flood my whole bathroom every time they take a bath and my current garbage can has completely rusted through (as did the one before it). This one is wood so perhaps it stands a chance. Maybe not. They've been known to get creative.

So, there you have it. Sorry to disappoint ya'll but really.......what have you done for me lately? I can only give so much!

Headed to Ivy Cottage................