Insomnia, Yard Sale Schutzstaffel and Discolored Toilet Seats

I'M SO EXCITEDDDDD!!!!!! What a morning I had!!! It started crappy because I had insomnia and I woke up at 4:11 and couldn't go back to sleep. But then I remembered that my friend drove by a church yesterday in Hampstead that was setting up for a yard sale and she said it looked like it had some good stuff. I humored her then and said I'd think about it but to drive all the way out to Hampstead and to be there at 6:30am....... I just wasn't a playa'. As it turned out, by 5:45 I couldn't adjust my pillow one single more time so I hit the road. After driving for twenty minutes I was seriously regretting my decision. When I finally got there, it was pitch black, there were tons of people, the gals hosting the sale were Nazis about where they wanted us to enter (I actually got yelled at!!!) and it was much too confusing in their little mouse maze to navigate around. I did score a large wooden doll cradle, some sort of skateboard that my son's been asking for, a great vintage tea towel (that's written partly in German...oh boy!!!), a kinda cool new chicken vase, and lastly a mega cheesy plastic golfer's ice bucket that will unfortunately sell in a heartbeat. I almost left with not of one item, though, because their 'uber efficiency' had people entering and exiting in only one spot and it backed people up at least twenty five deep just to pay!!!! To make matters worse they insisted on writing everyone out a receipt to allow us to leave their camp with proof we had paid! I'm surprised they hadn't scribed "Arbeit Macht Frei" at their gate!!!

Once I had liberated, I drove out of there like a mad woman. I heard someone mention another church sale 'right up the road' but I was stressing I was going to be off my perfectly plotted yard sale route that I had timed with precision. You know what happens when you're just a few minutes late to a yard sale!!!! I was about to scrap it and just head to my #1 but then it appeared. They didn't have much but I bought a huge trio of metal sailboats that will sell so fast it will look like a regatta leaving my shop!!! I also got a great frame with glass that will shabbitize stupendously, a gor-ge-ous painting of cypress trees that I can't wait to paint it's frame and hang somewhere on my own wall and last but definitely not least..........an oak toilet seat!!!! Yes, of course I'm serious!!!! You don't understand....the one I have is actually rusted from my son's rotten aim. Not to mention it's an odd spotty yellowish color (No! Not from that!!) from my obsession with bleaching the damn thing. Seriously all you men folk out there.....Just SIT DOWN!!!!!! You don't see us ladies standing on the seat and quasi aiming for the bowl!!!! I mean, sure I've tinkled on my feet and the surrounding area after a couple of potent potables....but I was tipsy....and I feared sitting on the nasty seat! Unless my son's apple juice has fermented.....he really has no excuse!!! (That goes for you too, hubby!!!) Well, anyway, this should buy me a few years before the next seat.

On to the actual first sale on my list...... This was the one I was so excited about!! It was a cub scout sale that they have every year at Wilmington Christain Academy that never disappoints! I thought for sure I was going to see people leaving with their wonderful finds that this late bird couldn't have but the worms were still plentiful!! I bought a fantastic old still life oil painting (that I soooo love!!), a great coffee table and my treasure of the day..... a dresser/mirror combo with carved sailboats and anchors!!! It needs some love but it is beautiful!!! And the best part...she originally wanted $35 but I didn't have that so I kept walking. Then, I went back and asked if I could just buy the mirror. To that she said $20 for just the mirror. I looked in my pocket and I only had $16 left. She saw my sad face and gave them both to me for the $16!!!! Can you believe it???? Man, what a steal!!!

So now I had technically only gone to the first sale on my list and I was broke. Luckily there was a Wells Fargo not far so I replenished my funds. The rest were downhill, however. My last hour only fetched me a 1950's Turner print (that I really only wanted for the frame) and a hand carved Honduras box that I can't wait to give to my half Honduran baby neighbor for Christmas with a coat of fresh paint but shhh....it's a secret. So, that about wraps it up. It's been a long time since I've come home with a packed van! Now if you'll excuse me...I can't wait to go play with my new goodies! How can a girl get so lucky? A red vintage tea towel and a toilet seat all in one morning!!!! Who needs sleep anyway????

(Oh and I've included another small pic from a thrift run last week so stay tuned for the afters!!)

Thrifty in Hilton Head, Minivan Ads and Homeowner Prostitution

I think the days of reporting in while high on yard sale crack are over. Between tee-ball and sleepovers, I am now officially in the chauffeur stage of motherhood. I'll try to recall the best I can yesterday's saling adventures with only the help of one very cold cup of coffee.

Actually, let me back up a bit. I had some great pics of some furniture projects but my old memory card claims 'file has no data'. Anyone know a remedy for that? Anyway, here's a pic of a table I just couldn't part with that now resides beside my front door. (I'm never sure where the pics will wind up on the blog since I am a technology dolt but I believe it to be on the left.)

I'm also going to add some finds from a thrift store I went to on my recent trip to Hilton Head Island along with some shots of our vacation.... (I believe these will be on the right but again...who knows.)

Now we're caught up. Here's two pics of yesterday's booty (you lucky dogs!) because 8:30 came just a little too early and I went back out, with kids in tow. (I should be in a minivan ad!!!!) [I have NO idea where these pics will be but should be the largest. Should.]

Ok, so the alarm went off at 6:30 and it was as painful as if it were thrown at my head. It's now officially cold in the mornings along with being pitch black so I was really questioning my means of earning a buck. My first sale was awkward because I sort of knew the gal and although she had nothing but kid's crap, I had to look over everything like I was truly interested in her fine offerings. (Ugh! I could have slept ten minutes longer!!!)

My next sale also had kid's crap but they had older kids so I scored two fur rimmed sweaters and a cute shirt for my daughter and my piece de resistance..... a wooden multiplication game that still had the box! Hello, Christmas present!

Next up was a big sale at the Greek church where I snatched up a soft, cow print pillow, an ugly glass jar set that will shabbitize like no other and three glorious yards of the most beautiful fabric! I'm not talkin' the $7.99 per yard stuff but the fancy fabric displayed on the horizontal bolts!! It's very girlie so I'm not sure what I'll use it on but when that piece presents itself it will be like the union of chocolate and peanut butter.... or my dining room table with that 1950's tablecloth from a few weeks ago.... or me with that hot guy that used to be on CSI Miami that's now married to LeAnn Rimes.......PERFECTION!!!!!!!!!! (It could happen! What's she doing these days anyway?)

My next few sales were shite. I did get a few goodies though. I got a great Halloween bag for my diva who's going as a punk rocker, a cheesy set of soaps that spell I (heart) U (but they're in the original box so Hello, Christmas present #2!!! I also got a super soft zebra print throw and a comfy sweater for moi but the real story is what I didn't get. It was a red Illy espresso machine. It did look fancy and you know how much I love red but the cheap girl in me was hung up on the fact that it took pods and I know they run like 50 cents to a dollar a piece!! I debated for a long time but finally I passed. At that point I had to rush home to watch my son so my husband could go off to work. While my boy ate his store brand cinnamon toast cereal, I went online and sure as shit that Illy espresso machine costs $599 on Amazon!!!!! I threw my baby's skinny little ass in the van so fast and flew back downtown to the sale but no Illy. Someone else got it. For $15 no less!!!! I was falling fast into a what-kind-of-professional-yard-saler-do-I-think-I-am-depression but it was soon lifted when I turned the corner and I saw a house with Bahama shutters and I realized then, after seven years of creative blockage, how I could build the addition to my house where I would be granted not one but two actual closets in the downstairs bedrooms and a proper bathroom where hubby and I would no longer have to practice pilates to navigate simultaneously while brushing our teeth. How this revelation is substantial is that how I envisioned the addition would have the closets on the ends of the 'bump-out' and I always thought a lack of windows would be odd. Now I can put Bahama shutters where the windows should aesthetically go and voila! I've got my addition!!! See how much yard saling adds to my life?!

(Now put your Billy Mays voices on in your heads...)....But wait! There's more!!!! I also bought a great old bench/table, a tall wooden child's rocker, a brand new reversible fur coat and a denim floppy hat for my diva (as you can see she was modeling), a cheap ass plastic pumpkin that I had to buy because my son made a scene and a very old mirror which I can tell you is heavy as shit because I have carried it to every room in my house trying to find a new home for it only to have it lean it back down where it started, homeless. Hello, room addition!!!

There ya have it. Although my finds were so so, I did resolve a household problem. Now I just need a few hundred more yard sales to pay for the damn thing. Looks like my means for a buck will carry out just a little longer. I swear, sometimes this house is like my pimp. I work and work and that's where all my money goes. When did the American dream turn me into a prostitute?

Rusted Rhythms, Barbie and My Famous Glider

I'll have you know I went to see quite possibly my favorite band of all time last night, Rusted Root, and I had noooo intention of saling this morning but this girl's internal yard saling, Saturday morning clock said, 'Rise and shine, picker!' and so it went. I wasn't in my van until 7:20 but I still managed a few scores.

As luck would have it, there were nine sales all on or just off my street. (Thank you, Yard Sale Gods! Those big cans of PBR last night were not helping my navigation this morn!!) The first few were junk but after all, what kind of worms did I expect when I wasn't the earliest bird? Finally I got to a sale with a bunch of kids crap but fortunately for me I have kids who need crap so I bought two beautiful, fancy dresses and a sparkly shirt for my diva daughter.

After that I went to a few more sales with strictly Salvation Army donations. Really, people! I got up for this???? Fortunately, the gods brought me to my friend, Barbie's sale and my lack of sleep and hangover dehydration were not endured in vain. There I bought two pumpkin head Halloween decorations, a large ghost, a metal owl, a truely scary crow, a metal crow bell, a fleece for my baby boy along with a pair of fireman rain boots, another lava lamp for my diva because the light burned out in her old lava lamp and it's cheaper to replace the lamp than it is the stupid little bulb, a cute little wire Christmas tree and finally an Enchanted Forest game from the 1970's that boasts, 'a treasure hunt for all the family in the land of myths and legends'. How could I resist? Especially when Barbie was piling the stuff in my arms and refusing to take any money for them. I did manage to give her a few bucks but what a deal I got!!! Now we are ready for our Halloween party extravaganza and even our trip to Hilton Head next week (with the fleece and game that is). Thanks, Barbie! I hope you made enough for that dream convertible you always wanted!!! (Think she minds the doll reference that she probably never gets enough of?)

Ok, so after that I bought a wire basket, blah, blah. And yesterday I bought a great wooden quilt rack with sailboats on the sides at a thrift store when we were looking for Halloween costumes. It's so great I had to throw it in today but finally I am giddy to tell all ya'll about my spot on prime time tv!!! Yes, little ol' Yard Sale Mama had her goods on Hart of Dixie on the CW Network!!! Many of my fabulous treasures were showcased but none more so than my white rusty glider that I've hung my yard sale finds on today! Pretty stinkin' cool, right? Now I must Send Me On My Way to bed. The Mama's gettin' a little rusty herself these days!

New (to you) Fall Merchandise at Northrop's

You can find these glorious items at Northrop's Antiques Mall in beautiful downtown Southport, NC! I brought other goodies as well today but I forgot to take photos. Huffing spray paint may be taking its toll.

Poor Meteorology, Zanax and Padded Cells

What a morning! Damn weatherman said there was going to be an 80% chance of rain this morning so I almost.....almost......opted to sleep in and call it a loss. Luckily, right before bed, I decided to set the alarm anyway and make my call in the a.m. and what a stupendous decision that was!!!!

My first sale I didn't realize until I was almost there that I had just been to the week before and bought nothing. Since I was a block away I figured I would give it a go anyway. Low and behold they had a bunch more stuff and I got a great old milk jug in a great old rusty green! I think I'll be swapping out my great old rusty brown one!!

Next on my list was at the old Armory. I resisted going because they charge a buck to get in and that infuriates me but reluctantly I went. Oh......my.......god!!!! The line to get in had to be two hundred people deep! I almost turned around because I didn't want the sloppy seconds of the entire town! I mean....what would be left? The answer was PLENTY!!!!! Now granted it was the kind of sale that I really should be prescribed zanax for but since I made it out without a breakdown let me tell you the treasures I found...!!! (I'm so giddy!!!!) First off I scored a Scrabble game (it gets better) then I bought a wooden letter holder that's in the shape of an old telephone (can't wait to paint it!) then I bought a glazed clay swordfish (will sell in a heartbeat!) then I bought an ugly painting (but the frame is divine!) then I bought an amazing old wooden birdcage (that everyone was admiring as I was walking around) and lastly I bought a vintage cocktail shaker (the real deal too...not the Pottery Barn replica!)!!!! Hellooooooo Score City!!!! I just added in my head my profit of just this sale and after the $13.25 that I spent, I should make $126.75!! And that's for maybe an hour's worth of work all together!! Oh wait....I spent a buck to get in.....make that $125.75. Still kills me!!! Let it go, Chrissy! Let it go!

Ok, so next I went to a sale where the people had to think I was on something. I walked up like I was going to rob them. I was just so cracked out from the Armory that I was still in crazy person mode. I only scored a vintage Canada tea towel (which is fabulous!) and I know they were happy to see me leave!

By my fourth sale I was slightly more pulled together. I bought a great large old galvanized metal handmade tool box and a vintage french fry cutter (with none other than a red handle!!). I was debating getting an old ashtray with a rifle for the handle that I thought I could chuck the ashtray and paint......and......maybe a candy dish........and..........but I didn't. I think I made the right call.

From there I went to another fantastic sale in the backyard of a great old house downtown where I truly wanted everything but I refrained and was sensible and only bought an A&W mug (my boy loves root beer!), two lobster glasses (to add to the two other ones I bought at the beginning of the summer), a great petite double boiler enamelware pot with a red rim (to go with my ever growing collection!), seventeen vintage postcards (to go with yet another ever growing collection) and a kick ass parlour table that painted will be off the charts!! It has so many ridges and turns that it was made for shabbitization!!! I'm in the money!!!

Well, after that I had completely run out of time and was forced to head home. I was just one block from my house and wouldn't you know it.....a yard sale! I got a wooden bench/plant stand and an old beveled mirror with my very last dollars!!! What an morning!!!! I could never sleep again if they could all be like this!!! Simply perfection! Well....all but the part where I almost....almost needed the padded room. Then again I could decorate the shit out of a padded room! All that white! I could go anywhere with that bank canvas. I think it would have to be 1950's postmodern. Yes! Chrome would look amazing in an insane asylum, don't ya think? (Be careful. If you answer....you're coming with me!!)

Catamarans, Hurricanes and a Small Favor

As you can see, although you have not heard from me in a month, I have been quite busy. I've been through two hurricanes, a catamaran trip through the BVIs and STILL have managed to acquire some moth ridden treasures!

The pics (from bottom to top) are of the Coral Dreams catamaran that I boarded with hubby and some new friends to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary in the British Virgin Islands, next is an old kitchen cabinet that I'm seeing as a bench (but sometimes not seeing and thinking,'what the hell did I buy?') which I scored from a thrift store, pics of a chair (from the same thrift store) which I will pair with some old fabric from a previous yard sale and some green paint that I think will compliment it perfectly that I also used on this frame ('after' pics to come) and the last three pics are from yesterday's saling adventures. Sorry this is the first I'm getting to chat with ya'll but a tee ball scrimmage and THREE birthday parties later.....you know how it is........quit yer bitchin!

SO!!! Turns out the weatherman was wrong again. Yesterday morning had a 70% chance of rain but since I so wanted to sleep in.....it didn't. Two of my first three sales were cancelled due to rain (ha!) and the other one just stunk! So there I was at 7 am with no other sales on my list until 8am. Luckily I was equipped with my fancy new iPhone and I was able to find a sale I had previously discarded due to proximity. It also stunk but I did purchase two pairs of pants for my growing baby boy for 50 cents. It wasn't much but it picked up my spirits just enough to keep saling!

With a skip in my step, I arrived early to an 8 o'clock sale and wouldn't you know.....I struck yard sale gold! First, I scored on old Coke crate then four rare, old bottles (man, I love these!)!! The bottles are by Brownie; "Taste The Difference," Bubble Up; "Pure Pleasure...a kiss of lemon and lime," TruAde (no claim to fame but labeled "Not Carbonated") and finally Sun Crest which lets the pop connoisseur know that, "This Bottle Designed for YOUR Convenience Clearly Revealing its Refreshing Contents.....Know What You Drink." I'm not sure what that even means but such a mystery makes this bottle one of my new favorites!! At the same sale, I also bought an ugly wooden tray (to shabbitize), thirty white vintage porcelain knobs and get this.......for my hideous kitchen cabinet..........not one but two sets of rusty old casters to choose from for it's base!!!!!!! I ask the Yard Sale Gods and they givith!!!!!! I am not worthy!!! My vision of that monstrosity is really shaping up!!! A salvaged 1950's kitchen cabinet on the floor is ugly but a 1950's kitchen cabinet on wheels......now that's art!!!!

So, high from that sale, I moved on to the next only to score a beautiful vintage table cloth with a chicken border in a fab hue of red, two vintage hand towels made by Georges Briard (highly collectible) and last but not least (insert drum roll....) TWO big boxes of vintage Christmas ornaments with their original boxes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Please say the following in your best Billy Mays voice....) but wait.......there's more! I bought them for $2!!!!!!!!!!!! There has to be fifty of them!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you, God and of course baby Jesus for being born so I could love vintage Christmas so much!!! To think I wanted to sleep in that morning!!!!

Well, after that I was on my way home but stumbled on a freestyle and bought a colorful kids book from 1967 on Things to Make and Do. I was so excited because it would be perfect to decoupage something with!!!! Luckily, I looked away from my new gem long enough to notice a woman looking at some jeans and a glimmer of dreamy oak caught my eye. Sure enough underneath all of that denim was a stunning old teacher's desk! It's truly beyond beautiful!!! And only $20!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a perfect end to a great day back!!! Well....getting it in the van with the rest of my finds was less than perfect especially since I was now officially late to take my boy to tee ball but blah, blah, blah! It's home and my son didn't even notice our less than punctual arrival to the field! Jeez Louise, life is good!!! I could sure go for a nice refreshing bottle of non carbonated TruAde right about now! Oh well, maybe next week!

I hope you enjoyed today's installment of TYSM. Now I need a favor from you (yes, YOU!) I'm applying for the master's program at UNCW in creative nonfiction and I need your comments. Feel free to tell me I suck but I probably won't summit that. In fact, why don't you go ahead and embellish just a tad and I'll just happen to erase this little paragraph like it never even happened. Last year four hundred applied but only eight got in. Help a girl out, won't you???? I can't huff paint forever!!!!!!!!

Smalls For Ya'lls!

All of these fantastic items can now be found at Northrop's Antique Mall in Southport, NC.

I just have to share that when I was packing the van this morning for the haul, I felt like I didn't have much to bring. Out of curiosity I added up the totals of the merchandise and sure enough I had $404 worth of stuff. That lead me to wonder what I had invested into the goods and that amount was only $41! Indeed it was worth a short drive and a ferry over! Now let's hope everything sells!!!!

Irene Aftermath Sale

This is what I was working on while I was trapped in the house during Hurricane Irene with two kids. I found the fumes really mellowed them out. Both pieces can be found at Ivy Cottage.

For bragging purposes I have to tell you that I bought the mirror at The Salvation Army for $4.99, put $3.88 worth of spray paint on her and after shabbitzation Ivy Cottage put $125 on her!!!!

The table I bought a few months back (found her in the back of the garage the other day) for $5 at a church yard sale, put paint I already had on her and after shabbitization Ivy Cottage put $85 on her. Not bad for a $13.87 investment!!!!!!

The Calm Before the Storm!

Well, with Hurricane Irene coming I've been busy cleaning out my garages so my treasures don't float away.

Top: My new (brand new even!) shower curtain in my very own bathroom from Saturday's yard saling.

Middle: My completed items that are now for sale at Ivy Cottage!

Bottom: A fabulous vintage waste can that I found in the trash on the way home from Ivy Cottage! Don't ya just love it???!

Have a safe weekend!

Good Housekeeping, Horror Stories and Godzilla

Well. Looks like I'll be huffing paint for the next few weeks. This morning was an 80's wood extravaganza! Have no fear.....primer's here! Shabby Girrrrl.............to the rescue!!!

My first stop was right around the corner. I've been to his sales before and although he has good stuff, he knows it. I planned to just do a run through to see if there was anything I just couldn't live without and leave quickly but low and behold there it was! An Atlas Mason jar which blah, blah blah, right? Wrong! This one's got a part metal, part glass lid which has 'Tasted and Approved by the Good Housekeeping Institute' written on it! It's called a Presto Jar and is marked series #637. I never done heard of that one! I LOVE it!!! What a swell addition to my jar collection! What ever will I put in it??! Any suggestions?

My next sale was only a block away. (Love when the Yard Sale Gods plan it like that!) Unfortunately all I got was a Scrabble game. She wanted $5 for it but I talked her down to $2. Even that was a bit steep for me but I sell each Scrabble saying for $5.50 a piece so I couldn't walk away without it.

Next up, the Gods giveth me another sale a block from the other one. I'd always disliked this house because it's a new, vinyl clad box in the middle of Craftsmen bungalows but the sale was inside and I got see beyond it's walls and what do you know.....it's fantastic inside! Whoever built it used old materials for charm but designed it with today's needs like an open floor plan and a large kitchen island. Just beautiful! I could barely concentrate on the sale with all of my snooping. I could have left with nothing and still thought it a great stop but lucky for me I scored a cheesy kid's bench/toy box complete with hearts and a wooden bow (surprisingly, shabbitized, it will be fantastic!) and a bookshelf. [I also thought long and hard about a bike for my daughter that was $25 but I liked it more for $10 so I passed and wouldn't you know I went back before I came home and it was gone! Now I'm convinced it was the greatest bike ever and I made a huge mistake. Ugh!]

The next sale was straight out of a Stephen King novel. There was a sign for a yard sale on a tree by the street but all you could see was a house set back off the road and a creepy van parked beside it. Normally I would have walked around but I'm getting cautious in my old age and I pulled away. I'm half proud of myself and half pissed that there could very well have been something truly terrific there! Maybe the last girl he tied up in the basement had some really nice jewelry! Such a missed opportunity:(

On a lighter note, at the sale that followed, I bought a cool, large hourglass (that my daughter has fallen in love with) and a hideous needlepoint that I bought for it's frame but the woman called her mom out of the house who made it and was so glad I liked it. I feel just awful but at least I made her day. Seriously, guys! It's a frigging tiger cub frolicking in the grass! Of all the things to spend hours on end sewing! Who knows. Maybe she made fun of me when I left for buying her god awful feline art. Not nice, Gert!

I left that sale en route to the big Elk's indoor yard sale at 8:00 but I stumbled on a freestyle and found a great old printer's drawer. It even still has '14 point Piranesi Italic' printed on the pull! What a find! Next up.........The Elk's Lodge!

I pulled up fifteen minutes early and sure enough there was a huge line. Some smart vendors set up outside but these weren't any vendors. These were 'professional' vendors. You know, the greasy haired flea market types. Needless to say, they were overpriced so I got on line with the rest of the herd. Amazingly, they let us in five minutes early but inside, it was complete pandemonium. I can't stress to you enough just how much I hate crowds. I don't think I made any friends in there because I was running people down but honestly, I just wanted out! My first purchase was the amazing book, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I've been looking for this for weeks because my husband and I are going on a catamaran through the British Virgin Islands next month for our anniversary (eleven blissful years) and I need to keep him busy so he doesn't decide to snorkel right into the bottle of rum only to resurface when it's time to debark. Might turn out to be the best dollar I'll even spend! I also got an old clamming basket which the old lady said she used when she was a girl. Was she fibbing? I don't know but I bought the story and the basket. After that I bought two metal fish which fit in the basket but was becoming difficult to lug around. It only got worse when I bought a large (heavy) Christmas sleigh, a vintage M&M dispenser and a nice striped shower curtain. At that point I felt like Godzilla crushing the city of Tokyo but without Mothra to stop me, I made it to the exit. Of course, right at the door I noticed an ugly coffee table with a lot of shabbitization possibilities so I had to go to my van for a drop off. When I went back to the table, it said to find booth #23 to purchase but the booths were numbered like houses on an old country road so it took a good amount of time to locate it. When I did, the gal sensed my evil reptilian powers and was smart to take my offer of half her asking price. She was very wise to bow down and protect the safety of her village.

So, there ya have it. I survived the Elk's Lodge of horrors and probably will make a buck or two on my finds. Not to mention I get to get high all week on paint fumes and I'm able to write to you now without being shackled to a wall somewhere and forced to be a sex slave! I say, a damn good day for The Yard Sale Mama!!!! Damn good!!!! Happy saling!!