Englishtown, Gifts from The Divine and Illegal Tortoise Trade

I really don't even know where to begin this morning. I haven't written in 2 weeks because I went to The Motherland (New Jersey [exit 117]) last weekend for a wedding but really because I wanted to go to the spegtacala (Long Island for spectacular)Englishtown Auction, the holiest of holy lands! I've been going to this flea market since I was single digits with my dad. We'd go at 5:30 a.m. with flashlights like some archaeologists on a quest for the missing link. My dad would get some tool or tool part and always another pair of work jeans or a pair of sneakers for a dollar. I would get imitation Cabbage Patch Kids accessories and maybe a Benetton shirt or Camp Beverly Hills depending on the year. Neither were the real deal but I rocked them like I was on the cover of Seventeen Magazine! Anyway, I wanted to write about my trip last week, kind of a special edition like when the Bradys went to Hawaii but my modem has been down and I've been unable to hit the world wide web. I've posted pics of the loot and a few afters but I'm afraid that's all I can do. One must move on.........
So, today.....
When did it get so dark at 6:30 a.m? Jane couldn't accompany me this morn because her man had to go away for work. It was pretty creepy going out to sales alone and vulnerable in the black abyss with cash in my pocket. Well, I thought that for about 5 seconds then I got over it and got excited to begin my adventure.
The first sale looked ok from the street then was shit up close. When I left, however, there was a sign for a freestyle right around the corner! Mother of God was it awesome!!! I got an old metal glider (for $5!!!!!!!!!!!!), not 1 but 2 gorgeous oak tables and a great old frame WITH the glass that I already put up against a watercolor of a harbor that's currently in a way cheesy 80's metal frame and I think it will be smashing when the two finds collide. Man, what have I done to please the Yard Sale Gods like this?! I do try to always do the right thing but this is too much!!! You're spoiling me!!!!
OK, out of the clouds and back on land, it was only 7:02 and I already had to dump the goods!!!!! I was so excited I could barely keep from shouting!!! In fact I did a duet with Allison Krauss on the radio and I really think we killed it! I hope she doesn't ask me to go on tour with her. How would I hit the sales in the mornings with a rock star lifestyle? Not to mention the price hikes when the fans realize who I am. Sorry, Allison, you'll have to stick with Robert Plant for the duets. I can only spread myself so thin!
Back to saling.....so, I went back home and started fresh with a clean(ish) van. That was when my sails began to luff. The next few sales were crap. I had a slight gust when I scored an authentic tortoise shell (are they even legal anymore?), a metal 'M' and a 'D' in red (for my daughter and husband) and a great old pillow that already spices up my living room!
Then, back to more shit sales.
I was so excited though, when I got to a church sale and The Nemesis was right behind me but I beat him there and had the edge but they wouldn't let us in before 8 and when I peaked in it looked like a lot of kids clothes. Damn you, Nemesis!!! Next time!!!!
So, on to the next sale.
There I got a huge box of corks for 50 cents and a......umm.....an........umm......well, I'm not sure what it is. I first thought it was a folding tv tray. Then, I thought it was a folding jewelry box. Now, I think it definitely folds and it's for whatever the fuck you want. Not sure I can write that on a tag but I'll hit the thesaurus and see what I come up with.
Meanwhile, during that sale, it started to rain. A wee drizzle but rain none-the-less. Usually this just means folks give the stuff away but it seemed this morning they just packed up and went back to bed.
There was one last sale around the corner from my house and I bought a pair of peacock feather earrings that I know will infect my ears but I saw a girl at a sale earlier with a pair and they looked great on her. The lady that made them claimed that they're silver plated but she might just be referring to the color not the metal. For a buck, I'll give it a go!!!
So, that wraps up my morning. Another terrific week. Hard to top Englishtown but hey, what could? What the hell could?????

I know fans of YSM were simply devastated last weekend when Mama was nowhere to be found. That's because I was up in The Garden State at beautiful Englishtown Auction, my favorite place on planet earth!!!
Ok, down to business, you can find these items at Northrop's Antiques Mall in Southport, NC...... (sorry, the fan has already sold!)
A Blue Ship's Wheel Wine Rack, $34; a Two Tiered Pie Crust Table in Camel (thanks, Suzanne for the description) $119; a Vintage Red and Blue School desk, $59; a Metal Tea & Coffee Bin, $22; a Shabby Yellow Two Tired Compote, $24; a Antique White Shabby Oval Table w Drawer, $129; a Green Hull Pedestal Vase $17; a Celedon Green Vintage Floral Vase, $29; and a Red Shabby Pie Cabinet, $59. Tune in tomorrow for more fabulous finds and adventures!!!!

Now featuring at The Pelican's Roost............
Carolina Washboard $24; Yellow Metal Sun $26; 1950's Eskimo Metal Fan $33; and a Golden Yellow Shabby Table $39.

You know you need this Antique White Shabby Quilt Rack and this Greecian Blue Two Tiered End Table. They'll be at Ivy Cottage on Market Street if ya can't live without 'em!!!

The 1980's, An Old Crush and a Man on 2nd

I was sleeping so nicely. I mean REALLY so soundly! And I got up for this shit! Ugh!!!! Oh well. I can sleep when I'm dead. So.......

The first sale was on a grocery store's parking lot. We went here last week but it must have been listed to try to get vendors for the next week because last week when we went there there was no sale. I wanted to boycott it because they duped me but there weren't that many sales today so what the hell, we went. At fist glance it looked as though it was going to be good but it was a facade. I asked one granny who was a slow talking Katherine Hepburn how much a few of her things were but she wanted too much for her crap. Mr. President of P.B.S, please cancel Antiques Roadshow so that I don't have to deal with such people who think that their broken doll cradle is worth $20. I feel like I can't possibly be old enough to make statements like this but....remember the 80's? You could buy ANYTHING for a dollar! Now every one's 'in the know'! Then again there was no HGTV then I was forced to watch This Old House and New Yankee Workshop for inspiration. I had such a crush on Steve. He was such a dufus but man could he swing that hammer! Now there's hosts like dreamy Oosterhouse. I have to agree with Virginia Slims. 'You've come a long way, baby'! So what was I talking about? Oh yeah, sale at the grocery store. I did get a cheesy metal sun (because I had to buy something) and a batman cape for my son for a quarter. Woo hoo!!!

After that we hit 2 freestyles that both sucked. I was sure that I was going to pull up to #2 on my list and someone was going to be pulling away with the score of a lifetime which I would have missed because of my detour but I had nothing to worry about. Number 2 was #2 alright. Shit! I got all of a Buzz Lightyear plastic water bottle for my son. Yippie!

Next up was my score of the day. A great old vanity that with a little paint will be a home run. Well, it doesn't have the mirror so maybe just a man on 3rd. Well, some of the veneer has chipped off so a solid man on 2nd. Now I'm bummed. My fav of the day and I'm only half way around the field. Great!

Ok, next was a shit sale with a bunch of kids crap but I did get a Spanish dictionary (you can always use one of those, right? Right?) and an old Tom Swift and His Rocket Ship book from the 50's with a really pretty vibrant cover. Slow me down!!!

After that, blah blah blah. And after that blah, blah, blah. Then I got yet another skateboard helmet for my daughter because Goldilocks can't seem to find the one that's just right. And lastly I got 2 awful fruit 'paintings' that are fake cheap prints made to look like paintings and I didn't want them but the lady insisted that Jane take them because she didn't want to have to bring them back in. Even Jane didn't want them so I'm stuck with them for our next yard sale. Don't know when that will be but I can't wait to sit back and watch the freak show. Yard salers! What losers!!!

Check out this Yellow Low Back Bench w/ Red Bird Fabric; $47, Old Window w/ Decorative Finials and Candle Holders; $37 and this Sea Foam Rustic Step Stool; $42 @ Pelican's Roost!!!!

Went back to the sale with the over priced chair and not only did he sell it for what I wanted to pay, I also got a farm table!!!! Then, on the way home, I hit a freestyle and scored an old step stool!!! Great Day!!!!

An English Gentleman, An Ugly American and Pasties

Why is it I spring out of bed during the week before the alarm even goes off and I'm a chipper little sprite ready to take on the day? Saturday morning rolls around however, and the alarm sounds like a Cold War air raid? So many of life's little mysteries! Well, in hind sight, the scare of a Russian invasion was well worth it.

Our first stop was one of those where their stuff was great but a wee pricey even though we knew we could still make a nice profit off the goods. I was tempted to pass but so many people were looking at the same items I was. I was all but urinating on them to mark my territory so in the heat of the moment with the feeling of winning, I purchased a nice little bench that will come back to life very nicely with some new paint and fabric and a violin that I'v been looking for for my daughter because my sister-in-law, her god mother, plays one and she's shown an interest so far be it for me to stifle her artist goals! (Incidentally, my sister-in-law, Shannon, plays with Flight's Kool up in the Garden State and you must go see them if you're up that way 'cause they're awesome!!! And I'm not just sayin' that!!!) Ok, so back to me me me. I also left there at the last minute with a tall wooden quilt rack. Not sure how popular these things are today but painted an antique white and shabbied up, I don't think you could resist it.

Next up was a sale that they have on a church's lawn pretty frequently but it's turned into a dealer's flea market and if I wanted to pay antique store prices I sure as shit wouldn't be up at the crack of dawn trudging through the morning dew soaked grass getting my toes and flip flops all saturated and covered with grass clippings. I leave there looking like Swamp Thing (empty handed!!!) I say I'm not going to go back but my name is Christine C. and I'm an addict!

After that we hit a few duds but then we went to one with tons of beautiful antiquities but again, too expensive. Jane however, got the husband outside to give her a price on a HUGE old crock and she got the sucker for $25!!!!! It's got to be worth hundreds!!! Well done, Jane!!! Mama got nothin'. (Sigh)

The next couple were shitty. I did get a few headbands for my little lady and some books. One was even an old Hardy Boys book but blah, blah, blah. I did see an amazing old metal patio chair but I just couldn't spend $20 for it. Now I won't sleep for days thinking about it. It was really THAT cool. Bummer. It sucks being cheap! My daughter has a play date later near there. I might swing by and see if it could possibly still be there. I'm sure it isn't. What an ass I am! (Sigh again)

The next sale was in a nice neighborhood (errrrrr) but we thought we'd go anyway and although most of the things were as you can expect from a nice neighborhood, priced too steep, I did pick up an old wooden Canada Dry soda crate and it had $5 on it but I got the husband this time who was English and I said (revoltingly sweet and high pitched), "This says $5 but would you take less for it?" To which he replied, "Oh no....." and in that split second my mind raced with, "Look you English son of a bitch, I'm paying with dollars here. Do you realize how weak they are right now, you pompous ass!" But he finished by saying, "Oh no...$5 is much too much. $2 will do." Sorry lovely English chap. I'm an ugly American and I can't help it. Plus, I got up so early, sir. You understand, right? Maybe I can buy some new fuses for my temper at the next sale. They would be my fav of the day for certain!

Short circuiting and crazy, I went to our final sale and there were tons of stuff but all I was drawn to was a very bizarre old painted window where the 'artist' attached finials to the top and then screwed in 3 Plexiglas holders where candles rested. I'm finding I have no other words to express what I feel about this .....sculpture, would you call it? Not sure. All I know is that I'm it's new owner and it should be one hell of a challenge to tag it for the store. Please write in with any suggestions on what to call it.

Ok, on that note, I'm off to a play date. It's with a bunch of girls whose mothers found the traditional Girl Scouts had just too many rules so we formed our own. Sometimes it amazes me that there are more people out there who think like me. OR they could feel sorry for me because both me and my daughter usually have the $1 price tags still dangling off some part of our ensemble. Whatever! It was a huge hit for Minnie Pearl! I don't think the fist time Madonna went out in public with her pasties on she was met with open arms. Life ain't easy for us trend setters!!!

She Ain't Rainin' in Southport!!! (Well, in Northrop's)

From Top to Bottom.........
Red Vintage Lined Basket $26, Yellow Wooden Child's Bench $33, 'Southport' and 'Bald Head' Scrabble Signs $5.50 ea, 2 Yellow Shabby Side Chairs w/ Red Fabric $43 ea, Bud Light Electric Bar Sign $34, 'Cocktails' and 'Sail Away' Scrabble Signs $5.50 ea, Red Shabby Step Stool $19, 1950's Newborn Diaper Caddy $19 and last but certainly not least an Old Cast Iron Bench w/ Costa Rican Coffee Sack Seat $54.

The Nemesis, Fat Feet and a Potentially Deadly Spider Bite

Well, today wasn't a day dreams are made of but it was good. I didn't really have high expectations since there weren't a whole lot of sales so maybe that helped my complacency. Anyway, this is how it went down..........

First up was at Katy's Bar a few blocks from my house. (Incidental, if you want to have a good time Friday nights and want to see damn good Mexican cowboys and rednecks singing karaoke; this is the place for you!!) Anyway, it was mobbed when we got there 15 minutes early which gets both Jane and me all excited but it fizzled this time when the goods were a tad too pricey. I did get a beautiful old cast iron bench, a scrabble game and a Bud Light bar sign that lights up! I was hoping for a bigger kill but you can't have gazelle for dinner every night! Leaving, however, we noticed HE was there! I haven't introduced him yet because HE's hard to ever talk about. Here it goes.......THE NEMESIS.

The Nemesis is a guy who used to be a fireman and got a job working part time at THE antique consignment store in town in the warehouse. He immediately noticed how much money they were getting for their goods and thought he'd try a yard sale or two and make some extra cash. WELL, wouldn't you know he's now their #1 consigner and all the ladies there will tell me is that I wouldn't believe how much he makes and that he no longer slides down the pole (well, for money, or tax dollars- who knows what else he'll do for some bills?!) So, I hate him as you can imagine. Not only due to jealously but because he snaked me one time for a great old crock with a sailboat on it that I of course saw at the consignment store the next week for 100 mother fucking dollars!!! What intrigues us so about him is that every time we see his gray truck, it's usually filled with crap. The consignment store is super picky and I know wouldn't take 90% of the shit he buys so........what's he doing? It's something we're missing. Some junk store gold mine or something. I just don't know. I can't stand the mystery though. We've even seen him at sales before they start and the son of a bitch is helping them set up! Some day we'll get to the bottom of this. Our questions must be answered!!!!

So, with my head wrapped around unlocking HIS secret world, the next few sales were a bust. They would have been a bust even without The Nemesis but I'm still bitter about the crock so I'll blame him for whatever I want! Then we stopped at sale and I got a really cute 1950's baby caddy with little containers for 'swabs', diaper pins, lotion and cotton. Really cute! I also got a pair of flippers and brand new pair of shoes for my daughter that are in a European size (so you know they were expensive) but my little Fred Flintstone says they're too small. I might try to trim her toe nails later and see if i can't wedge those cabbage patch feet into those shoes. Maybe some butter even. Ugh! I want them to fit. Oh well.

The next sale was at a fancy house in a fancy neighborhood so all the roaches were there. Not the insects but the trailer trash (except us, we're classy grubs!). Nothing. Too expensive and too picked through. Normally I would never walk on some one's lawn because I'm ex-pizza delivery but I walked on their lawn. Take that!

After that we stopped at a freestyle and I got a pair of Vans flip flops (that I've already scrubbed down in rubbing alcohol and look great! Fav of the day!!!) and a little bench. When I asked the grandma how much, she asked if 50 cents would be ok. Can't they all be like that? Come to think of it, what the hell was 4' 5" Ruth doing with a pair of size 10 Van's flip flops? So many riddles to crack this morning!!

The next sale was a young couple who obviously never were even AT a yard sale before because they were grossly over priced. T-shirts for $5? Sorry folks. I know you're both fresh out of college and those business courses have taught you a thing or two about marketing but life's going to be your best teacher. Take it from me, Ashton and Ashley, t-shirts at yard sales are at best 50 cents, ok! Kids!

So, after that, I got an adorable old basket with the cutest vintage material that I want to keep so bad but I'm afraid if I bring just one more item in this house, the floors might sink to China. I also got a super cool old tennis racket and the super coolest old preppy carrying case to go with it. I seriously could invite 50 of my closest friends to play a match with me because I can't stop buying the old wooden rackets. I just love them! I'm extra inspired too because I just finished OPEN by Andre Agassi and it was terrific. A must read!

So, with the digital clock in Jane's truck reminding us it's time to head back, we only had time for one more. Well, that was the one prior to this but this other one was so close and we promised each other no lolly gagging so we had to go. All I got was a kid's bench but painted will be great so it was nice to leave on a high note.

Frankly, I could go on more but the spider bite I got last week on my derriere is not feeling so hot and the great old wooden desk chair that I'm sitting on that looks great but isn't that comfy to begin with is now killing my rump! Let's hope it wasn't a brown recluse. If I have to go suddenly, I really hope the story is a lot more exciting than a bite on the arse. Should it be my demise, however, be sure to find a way to keep ALL of my finds for my kids and for the love of god, keep my husband's new wife and her little fat fingers off my vintage post card collection. Whore! Thanks ya'll!