Huey Lewis, Geriatric Salespeople and Mutations

So, some of you may know that earlier in the week we discovered that our kitchen wall was riddled with mold from a leaking 100 year old pipe. In the few days it took for the insurance company to get back to us and tell us that it would be covered under our policy, I did not sleep A WINK! Ironically, the kitchen is the one room in the house we've completely gutted and redone from the studs. Now, that's exactly what must be done AGAIN! Kind of makes me want to kick out a pipe in the bathroom. Think they'll suspect any foul play? Anyway, I'm mentioning this to you because today was the day, apparently, that my body wanted to catch up on zzz's. And of all the songs to blare out of the alarm clock and remind me of the fact that it wasn't going to happen on this fine morning.....'It's Hip to Be Square!' Screw you, Huey Lewis! You know that s.o.b. is sleeping in with his quest for a new drug and all. Damn you, Huey!! Don't you know no News is good news!!!!! (Ha ha! Good one, Chrissy!)

Ok, so I woke up (albeit with that frigging song in my head...STILL!) and met Jane for saling. Our list, aka 'The Route' was pretty crappy. The first one was at a church a few blocks away and in years past this has been a great one. It was a 6 o'clocker too so we were excited to start with a bang. That is until we saw The Nemesis LEAVING the sale with a bunch of shit in the back of his truck! The guy's a fucking ninja! How does he do it?! Of course we got there and there's shit left. To boot there's a guy with the loudest voice of all time cracking on Jane's lead foot. He just keep talking and laughing but we literally walked away. Then I asked someone about a table and wouldn't you know it's The Voice of God's and he said he was hoping to get $150 for this hideous table and mirror that he claims to have paid $800 for then said that he's in 'the renovations' business (ok, drill gun engineer!) and that's why he had all this stuff. So, which is it? Did you pay 8 bills for this or did you heist it off your last job site? Either way I was only a player at about $25 so we left while he was still talking.....loudly.

When I plotted the route last night, I had assumed that that sale would have taken us longer. It was only 6:40 and the next sales were 7 o'clockers. We went to them anyway but they weren't even set up yet. Three later we finally got to one but it was crap. Then we went to our 7:30 one in a fancy neighborhood (even though it was only 7) and there were a ton of people there already!! And what was there already had sold stickers on them!!! Huh? I did get a frame that I believe will work with a nice watercolor from a few sales ago but what the hell! The lady of the house (in her 60's) was one hell of a sales person too. Usually that irks me but her I loved. I think my husband the car manager should go back and hire her. If she could sell a Hyundai like she sold Jane a beat up bar stool.....I think we could be her fancy neighborhood neighbors! Of course then she would be able to move to the water (which would be ok, really; don't think I could live next to her). She'd send me to the poor house too every time her grand kids had a school fundraiser!

So, after that, we hit a freestyle and I got a great trunk (well, great on a day when the bar is low). I also wanted a really cute needlepoint of a cabin but she wanted $3 for it and I really couldn't fork out that kind of dough. It was a dollar item all day long. It needed a new frame and it was in an oval matte so you know it was discolored underneath and I just couldn't do it. The lady wouldn't budge either! I did the right thing by walking away (with my new trunk) but hell if I'm not obsessed with the damn thing now! Must....Let......Go!!!!!

So, we leave there and are about to hit our 8 o'clockers when we see the craziest thing ever (well, the guy shitting in the driveway that time while giving us full eye contact was pretty great too!). But we saw a guy riding a bike and his friend on the handlebars....normal, right? Oh no! These were 2 of the ugliest guys EVER!!!!! In fact the handlebar mutant was so ugly that Jane swore he had to be a dummy. There is some credibility to that theory since he did have a STRIKING resemblance to Alfred E. Newman but I have to think he was real! And to make it even crazier, they were laughing away! Happy as hell to be peddling a bike at 8 in the morning on a Saturday! Then again, it's not like they had dates last night that kept them up late. If my husband ever figures out his new 'easy to use' Flip Video I definitely HAVE to start capturing some of this shit! Did I mention how WHITE he was?! My word!!!

I swear we should have just called it a day after that! Or at least driven around the corner to see it again! But we didn't. We went to a bunch more shit sales. Shouldn't people be rejoicing in the fact that it's finally dropped below 90 and cleaning out their houses? Why such an off day? Maybe The Nemesis got to all our sales right before we did. Maybe that's why The Beastly Bike Boys were laughing! Oh man! I have to take a new look at my life when the short bus kids are laughing at ME! Nah. They were laughing at Jane. Definitely Jane!

JUST IN FOR FALL!!!!!!

Please come on out to the Pelican's Roost on Carolina Beach Road to get these items!

From left to right......
A Blue 'Half' Accent Table, $37; Four Red Jars w Lids in a Caddy, $29; a Shabby Old Yellow Toy Box, $49; an Antique White Shabby 'Bow' Shelf, $30; a Blue Men's Vintage Folding Jewelry Box, $33; a FANTASTIC Island Scene Watercolor in Very Old Camel Colored Frame with Lead Glass, $140; and this must have Aqua Blue Child's Desk and Chair Set, $70.

Please help me make room! I have so much more!!!!!

Elves, Dead Cattle and Bob

Well, I got a late night text from Jane (who I assume was breaking Rule #1 [tsk tsk]) saying that she couldn't make it this morning. Solo again! I'm kind of glad she wasn't with me because it was a different kind of day. Not bad...just different. I think it was because there were so few 7 o'clockers and a lot more freestyles. This gave me more time to sit back in the van and sing along with the radio which miraculously was coming in even though I was vandalized in Myrtle Beach (6 months ago) and the thug sons of bitches stole not only my antenna but the guts of it underneath the hood. This would require me to bring it in to Toyota and spend way too much money and I refuse to give Toyota a penny more than they have already sucked from me. The van's also a lease so in 5 more months I can give the beat up piece of shit back. I hope they don't think it will be in perfect condition. What do they expect a 5 year old minivan to look like? I can't be the only one who's given one back with chocolate milk stains on the ceiling! Ok, sorry about the rant. Back to business......

So! Since I only had four 7's on my route I figured I'd go to the furthest one 1st. When I pulled up I wanted to weep due to all the kids shit but for some reason I got out of the van. I politely scanned their 'should go to goodwill' crap and was about to leave when I saw a vintage leather jacket hanging amongst infant Halloween costumes. I tried the sucker on and although it was a tad tight around the boobulas, it fit like a glove! I freaking love it!!!!! When I got home I noticed it's reversible too! Suede on one side and leather on the other. Seriously it might be my favorite jacket I've ever owned AND IT WAS ONLY 3 CLAMS!!!!! Man oh man, what a score!!!!! I does smell, well, leathery. I hope I can get past that. Maybe someday NASA can figure out a way to neutralize that decaying cow flesh odor. Steaks don't even smell that bad! I tell you what though, I was in Morocco years ago and some pesky kid wanted to be our guide and although we said no he persisted and when we did the math we realized it was less than a dollar so we gave in. Anyway, one of his 'must see' spots was a leather dying facility on a roof and when I tell you it stunk like nothing I have even endured before or since, I still am not conveying to you how badly it stunk!!!! The kid gave us mint leaves to stuff up our noses but it only made it smell like dead fish were in a mojito. Sweet Mother of God I will never forget that smell. maybe that's why I'm not the biggest lover of leather. Oh well. My new jacket is just too damn snazzy!!! If I'm lucky I'll have colds all winter and me and my buggery anti-odor blocker can sport my new digs like a rock star!!! Have I really only gotten to my first item?? Not to worry, my day was like a Subway sandwich: not too much meat between the bun.

So, yeah, after scoring the jacket I drove around to a bunch of nothing sales. Literally the whole 7 o'clock hour was nothing more than a tour of central Wilmington. Then, when the clock struck 8, I went to a sale and got a half table and a set of jars that will both paint and shabbitize nicely.
After that I hit a friend's mother-in-law's sale and got an old Atlas jar with lid, 3 old felt elves (which of course I collect) and an old Christmas stocking (really, I just love vintage Christmas shit!!!) My 8 o'clockers were turning out to be alright! I also got an incredible 3 tiered table with trefoils on the sides, an old chair with beautiful dark wood and lastly but certainly not leastly, a biography on Bob Marley!!! With pictures!!!!
Jane, you missed another great day! I hope the spirits were worth it last night! Well, I've got to go get this dead cow out of my bedroom. I keep looking back and I swear I see that cartoon white fog coming from my score and aiming for my nose. I have a surprising urge for french fries too. Gonna be an interesting fall!!

Englishtown, Gifts from The Divine and Illegal Tortoise Trade

I really don't even know where to begin this morning. I haven't written in 2 weeks because I went to The Motherland (New Jersey [exit 117]) last weekend for a wedding but really because I wanted to go to the spegtacala (Long Island for spectacular)Englishtown Auction, the holiest of holy lands! I've been going to this flea market since I was single digits with my dad. We'd go at 5:30 a.m. with flashlights like some archaeologists on a quest for the missing link. My dad would get some tool or tool part and always another pair of work jeans or a pair of sneakers for a dollar. I would get imitation Cabbage Patch Kids accessories and maybe a Benetton shirt or Camp Beverly Hills depending on the year. Neither were the real deal but I rocked them like I was on the cover of Seventeen Magazine! Anyway, I wanted to write about my trip last week, kind of a special edition like when the Bradys went to Hawaii but my modem has been down and I've been unable to hit the world wide web. I've posted pics of the loot and a few afters but I'm afraid that's all I can do. One must move on.........
So, today.....
When did it get so dark at 6:30 a.m? Jane couldn't accompany me this morn because her man had to go away for work. It was pretty creepy going out to sales alone and vulnerable in the black abyss with cash in my pocket. Well, I thought that for about 5 seconds then I got over it and got excited to begin my adventure.
The first sale looked ok from the street then was shit up close. When I left, however, there was a sign for a freestyle right around the corner! Mother of God was it awesome!!! I got an old metal glider (for $5!!!!!!!!!!!!), not 1 but 2 gorgeous oak tables and a great old frame WITH the glass that I already put up against a watercolor of a harbor that's currently in a way cheesy 80's metal frame and I think it will be smashing when the two finds collide. Man, what have I done to please the Yard Sale Gods like this?! I do try to always do the right thing but this is too much!!! You're spoiling me!!!!
OK, out of the clouds and back on land, it was only 7:02 and I already had to dump the goods!!!!! I was so excited I could barely keep from shouting!!! In fact I did a duet with Allison Krauss on the radio and I really think we killed it! I hope she doesn't ask me to go on tour with her. How would I hit the sales in the mornings with a rock star lifestyle? Not to mention the price hikes when the fans realize who I am. Sorry, Allison, you'll have to stick with Robert Plant for the duets. I can only spread myself so thin!
Back to saling.....so, I went back home and started fresh with a clean(ish) van. That was when my sails began to luff. The next few sales were crap. I had a slight gust when I scored an authentic tortoise shell (are they even legal anymore?), a metal 'M' and a 'D' in red (for my daughter and husband) and a great old pillow that already spices up my living room!
Then, back to more shit sales.
I was so excited though, when I got to a church sale and The Nemesis was right behind me but I beat him there and had the edge but they wouldn't let us in before 8 and when I peaked in it looked like a lot of kids clothes. Damn you, Nemesis!!! Next time!!!!
So, on to the next sale.
There I got a huge box of corks for 50 cents and a......umm.....an........umm......well, I'm not sure what it is. I first thought it was a folding tv tray. Then, I thought it was a folding jewelry box. Now, I think it definitely folds and it's for whatever the fuck you want. Not sure I can write that on a tag but I'll hit the thesaurus and see what I come up with.
Meanwhile, during that sale, it started to rain. A wee drizzle but rain none-the-less. Usually this just means folks give the stuff away but it seemed this morning they just packed up and went back to bed.
There was one last sale around the corner from my house and I bought a pair of peacock feather earrings that I know will infect my ears but I saw a girl at a sale earlier with a pair and they looked great on her. The lady that made them claimed that they're silver plated but she might just be referring to the color not the metal. For a buck, I'll give it a go!!!
So, that wraps up my morning. Another terrific week. Hard to top Englishtown but hey, what could? What the hell could?????

I know fans of YSM were simply devastated last weekend when Mama was nowhere to be found. That's because I was up in The Garden State at beautiful Englishtown Auction, my favorite place on planet earth!!!
Ok, down to business, you can find these items at Northrop's Antiques Mall in Southport, NC...... (sorry, the fan has already sold!)
A Blue Ship's Wheel Wine Rack, $34; a Two Tiered Pie Crust Table in Camel (thanks, Suzanne for the description) $119; a Vintage Red and Blue School desk, $59; a Metal Tea & Coffee Bin, $22; a Shabby Yellow Two Tired Compote, $24; a Antique White Shabby Oval Table w Drawer, $129; a Green Hull Pedestal Vase $17; a Celedon Green Vintage Floral Vase, $29; and a Red Shabby Pie Cabinet, $59. Tune in tomorrow for more fabulous finds and adventures!!!!

Now featuring at The Pelican's Roost............
Carolina Washboard $24; Yellow Metal Sun $26; 1950's Eskimo Metal Fan $33; and a Golden Yellow Shabby Table $39.

You know you need this Antique White Shabby Quilt Rack and this Greecian Blue Two Tiered End Table. They'll be at Ivy Cottage on Market Street if ya can't live without 'em!!!

The 1980's, An Old Crush and a Man on 2nd

I was sleeping so nicely. I mean REALLY so soundly! And I got up for this shit! Ugh!!!! Oh well. I can sleep when I'm dead. So.......

The first sale was on a grocery store's parking lot. We went here last week but it must have been listed to try to get vendors for the next week because last week when we went there there was no sale. I wanted to boycott it because they duped me but there weren't that many sales today so what the hell, we went. At fist glance it looked as though it was going to be good but it was a facade. I asked one granny who was a slow talking Katherine Hepburn how much a few of her things were but she wanted too much for her crap. Mr. President of P.B.S, please cancel Antiques Roadshow so that I don't have to deal with such people who think that their broken doll cradle is worth $20. I feel like I can't possibly be old enough to make statements like this but....remember the 80's? You could buy ANYTHING for a dollar! Now every one's 'in the know'! Then again there was no HGTV then I was forced to watch This Old House and New Yankee Workshop for inspiration. I had such a crush on Steve. He was such a dufus but man could he swing that hammer! Now there's hosts like dreamy Oosterhouse. I have to agree with Virginia Slims. 'You've come a long way, baby'! So what was I talking about? Oh yeah, sale at the grocery store. I did get a cheesy metal sun (because I had to buy something) and a batman cape for my son for a quarter. Woo hoo!!!

After that we hit 2 freestyles that both sucked. I was sure that I was going to pull up to #2 on my list and someone was going to be pulling away with the score of a lifetime which I would have missed because of my detour but I had nothing to worry about. Number 2 was #2 alright. Shit! I got all of a Buzz Lightyear plastic water bottle for my son. Yippie!

Next up was my score of the day. A great old vanity that with a little paint will be a home run. Well, it doesn't have the mirror so maybe just a man on 3rd. Well, some of the veneer has chipped off so a solid man on 2nd. Now I'm bummed. My fav of the day and I'm only half way around the field. Great!

Ok, next was a shit sale with a bunch of kids crap but I did get a Spanish dictionary (you can always use one of those, right? Right?) and an old Tom Swift and His Rocket Ship book from the 50's with a really pretty vibrant cover. Slow me down!!!

After that, blah blah blah. And after that blah, blah, blah. Then I got yet another skateboard helmet for my daughter because Goldilocks can't seem to find the one that's just right. And lastly I got 2 awful fruit 'paintings' that are fake cheap prints made to look like paintings and I didn't want them but the lady insisted that Jane take them because she didn't want to have to bring them back in. Even Jane didn't want them so I'm stuck with them for our next yard sale. Don't know when that will be but I can't wait to sit back and watch the freak show. Yard salers! What losers!!!

Check out this Yellow Low Back Bench w/ Red Bird Fabric; $47, Old Window w/ Decorative Finials and Candle Holders; $37 and this Sea Foam Rustic Step Stool; $42 @ Pelican's Roost!!!!

Went back to the sale with the over priced chair and not only did he sell it for what I wanted to pay, I also got a farm table!!!! Then, on the way home, I hit a freestyle and scored an old step stool!!! Great Day!!!!