Child Preditors, Cat Piss and My Bathroom Delta

Not the morning I had hoped for. I had such a good route and all of my stops were priors so I thought I was totally going to knock it out of the park but nooooooo. Luckily I drove out to Rocky Point yesterday with Jane and Shawna to check out a camp for our kids. (Which incidentally I could have cared less what the place looked like but my girls had some reservations. It didn't surprise me because one of those ladies won't go on a cruise because she's certain someone is going to steal her daughter and sell her into the sex trade. She saw it on Oprah. It can happen. [But I love you, girl!]) Anyway, the camp seemed low on predators so we left feeling satisfied. To throw a cherry on top (sorry about my bad choice of words), we spotted a yard sale in a church out building. When we pulled up, there were several large toothless men sitting on the tailgates of their pick ups. I believe I heard banjo music too but I'm not sure. In fact if there was going to be any molesting going on this would be the place! I'm always down for a party though so we went in. For the love of God when we opened the door the smell of cat piss was beyond overwhelming!! I thought about just turning around but the creepy image of Billy Bob was much too fresh in my head so I dealt with the pungent odor. I was glad I did because I got a great vintage table cloth (which Jane repeatedly hinted that she would love for her birthday), an old toy wagon (which I got one hell of an ear full from the lady about how she pulled her handicapped cat, Mr. Tully, around in it for years) and finally I got a jar set on a stand that will shabbitize itself right into the new millennium. Oh and I got a headband for my daughter that the Cat Woman's handicapped sister crocheted. It seems everyone in her life is handicapped. I hope it has nothing to do with ingesting all this stagnant feline waste. To be on the safe side, we left. Jane scored an out of date decorating book (not jealous) and Shawna got a cute, small, red colander (way jealous!). And she didn't even want to stop!!! Oh well. A nice little unexpected bonus for the day. Now as for today.............

Glad I got a little fix yesterday because this morning has left me with money in my pocket and no junk dealer. What's up with that, yo? I won't bore you with the details of my sightseeing tour of Greater Wilmington but I will tell you that I got a great old suitcase with a couple of cool old stickers on it, 3 metal flowers that are already up in my daughter's room (and look amazing!) and lastly a much needed waste bin for my bathroom because my monsters flood my whole bathroom every time they take a bath and my current garbage can has completely rusted through (as did the one before it). This one is wood so perhaps it stands a chance. Maybe not. They've been known to get creative.

So, there you have it. Sorry to disappoint ya'll but really.......what have you done for me lately? I can only give so much!

Headed to Ivy Cottage................

A Need For Mobile Dermatology,Healthy Rocks For Kids and Un-Reality TV

It's funny. Some days I pull into my driveway and think I had a lame morning but as I look at this picture, I did a-ok! I guess since I mostly bought things for the store I didn't get giddy about them. Well, you decide your level of gaiety. Let's review, shall we?

I woke up before the alarm this morning (which is a way better way of starting a new day!). I was dressed and out the door in a flash excited to hit a 6:30 sale but it was nothing but kid's clothes. I was pissed but still remained hopefull because next up was a church sale. I got there early and thought I'd really clean up but once again....kid's crap! This time more plastic toys from China. They were apparently also screening for heart health or something in a trailer but I had to pass. When it comes to my ticker, a mobile unit just won't do. Skin peels on wheels......that I would consider. Hell if I don't burn through 50 SPF! I'm gonna be some leathery sight in my golden years!
Anyway, I left the church and went on to #3 only to find over priced goods and a dude who got snippy with me when I asked if he could do less on a chair. Just because you're moving, pal, and you obviously don't like your stuff enough to lug it around, doesn't mean I have to pay retail to fund your new life! All these new cable television shows are killing me! Everyone thinks that their junk is treasure. Have you ever done the math on American Pickers? There's no way that they can make any money on what they buy and sell after touring the country like that! They pay stupid money sometimes for stuff because they know it doesn't matter. The History Channel is paying their bills! Mike Wolfe, if you're listening, I love ya and all but you really need to leave Iowa with more singles!
Ok, now that I've done my public service announcement for the junker community, I will carry on with my adventures.....
No real reason to buckle up, pull down the safety bar and keep your hands in the car because #4, 5 AND 6 were ALL more kids crap! I did get an old glass bowl with a glass lid though for 50 cents. I'm trying to replace all my Tupperware with it's glass alternative so not to poison us when we heat our leftovers in the microwave but can we really fight The Beast when every one's buying little Johnny all this lead riddled crap from China?! Sure my daughter smashed my brother-in-law's back windshield with a rock. At least she was playing with rocks! Two hundred bucks was a small price to pay for a nice healthy pastime!
Back to my morning.....
So, next I still had some time before I could hit my 8 o'clockers so I went to Monique's Boutique sale which I nixed last night but turned out to be a worthy stop! I got a great (albeit beat up) old two tired pie crust table. It needs some serious love but will go through the shabbitization process like a champ! Ms. Monique only put it out to display her 'fine' jewelery but turns out an upside down cardboard box can achieve the same goal. Thanks!
So, finally I had a decent purchase! I was pumped that it broke the ice for my eights but my next sale was the dreaded just-graduated-college-girls who have that new found confidence at being adults and price the shit out of everything. I knew their kind before I even looked at their goods. (Major eye roll!!!) Open the door to the real world, ladies! Your Target crap ain't worth what ya think!
Next up was at a church which has stunk the past few times I've been there but this time I got a gumball machine, an already painted and shabbitized mirror and a nice old display case that will also shabbitze like a how-to video. It even has shells already in it so I don't have to write my little suggestions on the tags! I know that sounds a bit controlling but hell if it doesn't help sales!
After that, I stopped at a sale and got a great old metal pitcher. I don't know how great it really is but I can remember pouring 'bug juice' from one just like it at Camp Sacajawea Girl Scout Camp and I think it will make a great addition to my porch! Hmmm....possibly a planter...... It's the little things that get me excited!
From that sale, I went only a few blocks to score a reprint of and old photo on a piece of particle board that normally I would run from but this pic is of ladies in the 20's at the beach in their swim suits and it's so cool that even the Marshall's version can't fuck it up too badly. Definite resellablity!
My last sale was interesting because it was two neighbors who got together (which is normal) but the polar differences in these neighbors was what made me chuckle. The one guy had tattoos all over his neck and was selling car stereo equipment (?????). The other was a very polished dad with his two adorable little girls who was selling some nice furniture. I bought an end table from him but I really wished I could stick around to see how these two interacted. Like I always say, you just never know what you're gonna get out there in yard sale world! I wish The History Channel would contact me about a show! Then I'd have to set my hair and wear lots of make-up like that Cash for Cari broad. No thanks! Just don't think reality t.v. is ready for the likes of me just yet. I would love to hear the pitch though......"Mr. Important CEO, we've got a girl who leaves her house looking like a pan-handler, buys junk from yard sales, keeps 90% of it in her over crowded house, paints and shabbitizes the rest in her garage all while huffing the paint fumes." Man, if that doesn't have Emmy written all over it! (big sigh) Looks like I'll stick to the huffing.......

HIM, Life Under a Bridge and a New Career

Even though I woke up before the alarm went off, I still had a terrible time getting out of bed. I guess with the rain yesterday and Easter tomorrow I just figured it was going to be a lousy morning......and it was.....for the most part. Luckily my #1 was just around the corner so I didn't have to sleepwalk to the van until ten to seven. The ever-so-slight-drizzle made #1 bail so off I went to #2. Normally when I see this particular address I get excited but I wasn't alert enough to make the connection. I pulled up and it was none other than my boyfriend!! And to think he just had a yard sale a few weeks ago! I don't want to come to any conclusions but I think he's having these just so he can see me. I'm pretty sure he has a thing for homeless looking women with wild, frizzy bedhead and morning breath. Dude! I'm married! Poor guy! Anyway......his sale once again did not let me down. He seriously has the best shit in town....well.....second best after myself, of course! Come on! Second, especially now that I purchased an amazing yellow handled rolling pin with carved animals in it (which as you know I collect [see pic]), a Dallu Victoria Farm Kleen Milk bottle (super duper cool!), another jar, like a ball jar with a two piece lid only this one (which I've never seen before) has Canadian Jewel on it and the lid is aluminum on the screw part but then the insert is glass and has JEWEL Canada on it (love it!), and lastly I bought a folk art painting on a piece of wood of a cat that's signed by Clementine Reynolds which I googled and apparently is worth $150! Not bad for $5!!!! Can you see now why I find him...I mean his sales.....so dreamy?!
After that it all went downhill. (How could it not?). I went to four sales that all sucked. The fifth sucked too but it was in a cute old cottage under the big bridge and I've got to tell you, I completely fell in love with the deep baritone sounds the cars made as they drove overhead! I want to live under a bridge now!! I thought I was lucky to currently live on a main street with the pretty sounds of the urban waves (cars shushing) and to have previously lived by a graveyard (best neighbors in town!) but now I have a new request to add to my stunned realtor. I also LOVE the sound of driving through old covered wooden bridges (only with the slats horizontal) but that would be pushing it! And then there's slow box cars! Ahh...a girl can dream!!!
Where was I? Oh yeah, two more sales sucked then I scored a very fancy mirror just screaming to be painted and shabbitized! Probably the only thing I'm going to sell from this morning to make any money. Oh well. When Mama's happy, every body's happy!!
From there I went to four more worthless sales and was headed home when I figured I might as well go back to my boyfri......my favorite yard sale house just to see if he brought anything else out and sure enough I got a great old painting of trees in a great old frame that had some funk on it but it cleaned up like a champ! I've walked around my house a dozen times and can't quite find a home for it but something tells me I'll make it happen. I'm like an antiques social worker! So much talent I tell ya!!! I wear many vintage hats!

Dining Room

Some peeps have been saying that I don't post enough 'afters'. Here is a pic of my own dining room complete with my lovely new table, glass balls, Union Jack stool, red coffee grinder, wall of mirrors, vintage suitcase and in the back, the newly painted green leaf bowl. Quite frankly EVERYTHING is from yard sales but those items are just from the past few weeks. Happy now?

Parades, Short Lived Azaleas and that Damn Marble Topped Chest of Drawers!

As a creature of habit I am finding it difficult to blog right now as it is 1:30 on Saturday afternoon and I am not high on heirloom heroin (or as my boyfriend, Mike Wolfe, from American Pickers says 'junk drunk'). Earlier in the week I promised my brats that I would take them to the Azalea Festival parade. (I HATE those warm and fuzzy moments!). So, I rushed home from saling, grabbed the monsters and fled like a speed demon downtown in traffic, scrambled for a parking spot, ran (without a sports bra mind you!) to the damn parade, got chased away from our original spot where we met Jane and her kids by a woman who supposedly had a friend with a wheelchair coming (Likely! Kid hater!) only to settle down at another spot in the front row with a great view of not only the parade but the great buildings on 3rd street only to THEN realize that it was really fucking cold out! I have lived here for 10 years and it has NEVER been cold during Azalea Fest. A few days ago Mr. Weatherman said it was going to be 78 degrees today! I had sunblock in my purse for the love of god! Needless to say it all went downhill from there. We did stick it out for three horrendous hours but when my boy had a meltdown because he couldn't get an over priced plastic toy from China off the cart, we took that as our cue to leave. So....where was I? Oh yes. I'm writing a blog about my adventures in yard saling. I'm sorry to say that I do not have a pic yet of my finds but one item I bought is too large for me to carry out by myself and I thought of taking a pic from inside the van but in honor of Mrs. Jordan who lived in this house for almost 60 years before we moved in, I can not in good consciousness take a picture without using her prize winning azaleas as the backdrop. Azaleas only get one week of glory and I just can't bring myself to close that short window of opportunity. I'm thinking I will get my money shot when hubby gets home from work and I'll post this then. Yes. That's what I'll do! Where was I? Oh yes, this pesky yard saling blog again. So...... Despite not enough sleep last night because I couldn't shut down after the amazing Avett Brothers concert, I persisted and somehow made it into my van at 6:40 this morn. I got to my first sale early and even helped the woman fold up her tarpaulins (my new favorite word [had no idea that's what tarp was short for]) only to find out this was day #2 of her sale! Like I want any one's sloppy seconds!!!! My next sale was a no show. The one after that was kid's crap. The sale after that was crap that should have been taken to the Salvation Army (in the drop off box in the middle of the night so you don't have to be embarrassed of your crap [hard to believe it was still in their house only a few short hours ago!]). My fifth sale I turned the wrong way due to sleep deprivation and gave up on it only to hit a freestyle which low and behold was also kid's crap. At that point I was seriously ready to throw in the proverbial towel until I remembered a church sale advertised that wasn't too far away but I didn't put much faith into it because the ad had no time and it seemed poorly put together but my faith was restored when I pulled into it's parking lot of hope. Right away I bought a great old metal vanity chair, an old planter that is marked 101-7 UPCO USA, a hurricane tracking cork board and a cheesy silver palm tree bowl (that will sell all too quickly). When I walked a little further I scored a wire chicken that will be perfect for my daughter to retrieve our chicken eggs which has been a problem in the past because at 6 eggs a day she keeps dropping a few and my husband is sure that it's going to cause my hens to be cannibals because they're eating their young. Not sure if there's science behind that but problem solved! The wire chicken basket also had two glass balls in it that already look great mixed in with my fruit as the centerpiece of my recently purchased dining room table!!!! So, if all that wasn't good enough, I then spotted the dreamy marble topped chest of drawers! It was in awful shape and needs SOOOO much work but I was in love. She wanted $50 for it and wouldn't budge on the price. I had to walk away. I had to. It was painful but I had to. I left that sale feeling defeated. I mean this marble topped chest of drawers was amazing!!!! It could be a piece of furniture that I could have for the rest of my yard saling years. My kids could fight over it when I go to the flea market in the sky. I went to two more sales after that but I only went through the motions. My mind was back at the church. I decided to return to the lady and offer her $35 and that would be my final offer! Turns out she got me for another five and for a mere $40 I bought a piece of shit marble topped chest of drawers that needs so much work I doubt it will ever be freed from the purgatory of my garage. What the hell was I thinking? I NEED MORE SLEEP!!!! Damn you, hunky Avett Brothers!!!

Reminiscence, Porn and Forced Heavy Drinking

Well.......it's not like a gal can have a week like last week every week. Today didn't suck, per se, but let's just say I'm not as high on yard sale crack as I was only seven short days ago. (Is there anything like methadone for that? Would be nice.) So, I woke with the chickens so I could be the first one at my 6:30 sale but I couldn't find the damn thing. This made me fifteen minutes early to a church sale that didn't start until 7. As I've said before, it is unwritten law that thou shall not let yard salers in early to a church sale or the members of the establishment will be forced into a life of limbo. Why that is the case, I have no idea but Moses himself could not part the oak doors of any place of worship. Amen. So, there I was with the weird-old-guy telling me about his gout and the down-on-her-luck younger lady who 'wish[ed] [she] had on [her] girdle because the wind [was] going right through her'. Only there was no wind. We were standing in the middle of the church's courtyard. Normally I would have wanted to bust down the doors with my restless legs going a mile a minute, back and forth, back and forth, but this time, luck had it that I looked up and really took notice of how beautiful this church was. I could write an entire blog entry on the beautiful brick dental moulding alone but for fear of losing you to a game of Bejeweled Blitz on facebook, I will

resist the urge. I will say, however, that it's a real shame in 2011, true artisans are held back from delighting us with their gifts just for the sheer prohibitive cost of their execution. Sure, some billionaire's pad in Aspen is probably quite lovely but this was a church built in 1889 (only 122 years ago) for common people to enjoy. There's no way that could be built today for us normal folk. Are we really that advanced if we're forced to live and worship in boring rectangular shells? It's not that I want to go back to washing my unmentionables on a washboard and shredding my knuckles to bits nor do I want to churn my own butter but there's just something about the beauty of the past that puts a smile on my face. What also put a smile on my face was beating those two freaks through the church doors when Betty and Edith FINALLY let us in! My grin was short lived, unfortunately, because all I got was a lousy metal bowl with a German theme that I'm pretty sure is newer but for 50 cents and desperation to get something, it's all I left with.

Next up was a total joke. The delusional woman had prices on her goods that were seriously higher than an antique store! Luckily on my way back to my van her friend pulled up with an old barrel that she sold me for $7. Still more than I like to spend but without my methadone, I needed my fix.

After that, I got a super cute vintage dress for a buck that looks super cute on the hanger but the elastic, empire waist will probably fit me like Raggedy Ann in a porno. One dollar is a small price to pay for an early morning belly laugh though!

At my next sale, I thought I was going to strike gold because it too was at a church and I've done very well here before but that was before. This time I got a wooden box....again, the yard sale version of a methadone boost.

The next three continued to help in my sobriety. Plastic. Shit. China. WTF????

My final attempt up at bat was a community sale where I got an old, large milk jug, a scrabble board, a jewelry box and my fav of the day......a brand new......still in the box.......'5 person family condo' tent!!!!! AND it comes with 2 chairs, 2 sleeping bags, a flashlight, a cooler and my favorite, four 'beverage' koozies because this tent was made for double fisting, ya'll!!!! I'm so excited! Just in time for camping on the beach, fires, s'mores,stars, confederate flags (It's Carolina Beach. What can I say?) Once agian, cheers to you, Yard Sale Gods! Oh, actually, what do you know! Cheers again!!

Items Headed to Northrop's Antiques Mall

Top: Befores of multi tiered shelf, plate shelf, low carved table, leaf tray, jewelry box and stool.

Middle: Multi tiered shelf after shabbitization process.

Bottom: Afters

For Sale @ Ivy Cottage, Ya'll!!!

Euphoria, Fine Dining and Horn Playing

Oh what a beautiful morning! Oh what a beautiful day!!!! That's what I'm talkin' about!!!! One of my favorite yard sale days EVER!!!! It started out slow but once my momentum got going.....there was no stopping me!!

Ok, I'll try to focus and start from the beginning. Ok. Ok. Here I go. (Did I mention I had a great day?) So! As I said, my first few were just a Saturday morning tour of greater Wilmington. Nothing but crap from Walmart and kid's crap (probably also from Walmart). Three in total that were a complete waste of precious gas. Then number four turned my world around! I got a terrific multi tiered shelf with spindles that will shabbitize like you wouldn't believe!! I also got a cute old pie server with a glass base and a tin lid. Very cute!! (Have two others just like it! [and I don't even bake!!]) Umm, I also got a teenie little toy mixer with a green handle from the '40's which I used to collect but now I'm all about the red! And potentially my favorite of the sale, I got a cheesy boring stool for a dollar but I bought a similar one a few weeks ago and painted a Union Jack on the seat and then shabbized (which helped a bundle due to my painting skills) it came out great! It now lives in my dining room complete with an old English Staffordshire cup and saucer set whimsically perched on top. It looks so fancy! Do you hear that? Don't worry. It's just me tooting my own horn!

My next clump of sales were in the same neighborhood which I wasn't sure were going to be good because these folks always know what they have and aren't fooled by the seemingly homeless woman offering them singles for their precious rejects. Until today!!! I got a super cute old carry-on suitcase in aqua that even still has the insert for one's jewelery or cosmetics or heroin (hey, I don't know these people!). I got an old Avon (I believe) cookie jar in the shape of a chief (which I've bought and sold before). And finally.......drum roll please........oh I'm so excited I can barely utter the words..........finally......... after sitting at a dining room table set atop children's blocks because it was too low to slide your limbs under and the damn blocks would get kicked out somehow causing lava hot mashed potatoes to glide into the lap of my guests.............finally.............I got a new (to me) dining room table!!!!!!! But not just any dining room table! Oh no! It's a fabulous English pub table, probably from the teens (at least) with beautiful legs and two leafs that slide out from under it, making it so long even Jesus and John the Baptist would have been envious!!! I just love it so much! It was a bitch to get in the van but with some maneuvering coupled with my mastery of Tetris, it fit like a glove!! And the smell!! It made my whole van reminiscent of and old church! I still can't believe I scored it! Hell if I don't hear those horns again!! Ahhhh....(big smile)!

Well, now the van was packed to maximum capacity (for the average Joe) but on I went. The top of the table was making it difficult to put the van in drive but that just added to the excitement. Plus, I loved stiffing it so it really worked out well! I managed to also fit a small carved table, a vintage Christmas tablecloth, a hanging plate shelf, a wooden tray, an old flag, a wooden jewelery box and finally a really interesting side table that will benefit greatly from the shabbitization process!!! What a stupendous day!!!! I even went to one more sale that wouldn't be worthy of mention except one of the ladies had just pulled in with HOT Krispy Kreme doughnuts!!! Free!!!!! Is it my birthday or something? Man!! Life is good! Life is really good! Toot, toot!!!!