Must be May 1st

Good God! The yard sale season (and humidity) has officially begun!!!! There were so many sales this morning I had to drive past some! I was a solo warrior again this week. Jane fell victim to too many margaritas poolside last night. I've learned the hard way that Friday night you keep your alcoholic intake to a minimum. Dry heaving out the window makes for bad saling.
My first stop was one I knew was going to be a driveby. It was the only 6 a.m. sale so I had no choice but to put it first on my list. This church always has yard sales and not once has there ever been more than 2 tables of crap. How much could they possibly make on that? Why not sleep in?
So, after that, was another church that just had a sale a few weeks ago but close proximity made it stop number two. When I pulled up, right away I spotted an old green chalkboard in a white frame that was fantastic. It did have a split in the wood and the guy running the sale went on and on about how to fix it with caulk (Please! You use wood filler dumb ass with a touch of paint!) So, as Bob Vila is educating me on quality woodworking, an old man walks up and is checking out an end table that is great. He asks Mr. Vila how much and agrees to the price but says that he's going to look around some more. After a few minutes I ask Mr. Vila if the old guy is going to get the end table and he says, "Oh no. He wanted the coffee table." I'm sure that's not what he wanted but I snake it anyway. There's no rules in yardsaling. It's fucking primal!!! When I pay the man, however, I notice I only have a few dollars in my wad. There should have been several 20's! So I ran back to my van not only because I could have taken the old man in a foot race but because I'm totally stressed I've lost money. So, I drove back to my house (good time for a dump anyway) and sure enough in my wallet are the 20's. How in the world did I only grab half my money? Maybe I should have a NO alcohol on Friday nights policy.

With an empty van I then went to the church sale I was giddy about all week. The past few years we have done great there. I had to wait with the rest of the professional yard sale carnies until doors opened at 7. My self-diagnosed restless leg syndrome was at an all-time high. I know the others thought I was on crack. I just get so darn excited!! Too bad it was a flop. What little they had was waaaay overpriced and total garbage. I did get a scrabble board (with dark stained letters- classy!) and a to-go coffee mug (you can never have enough).
After that, I was headed to a different church when I spotted a not-on-the-list church yard sale! Hot damn! I had to pass it to park and apparently the church was also giving away free dental in a tent (I know...WTF?) and I had to be escorted by parking attendants! Parking attendants!! I almost ran the sons of bitches over because I really wanted an end table that was right in the front. I got out of my van and ran like the crackhead I am to the piece of furniture. It wasn't as wonderful as I thought but still had potential. I also got 2 aluminum thermoses for my kids (ya gotta go green people!).
I then headed to an 8 o'clock yard sale in another church that I knew from past experience would let you in at 7:30. That church is usually one of my favorites but just like the other one, it was so damn pricey!!! They actually got me for $4 on a damn picnic basket (FOUR DOLLARS!!) I tried to get her to come down in price but she said (a little too snippy for me) that since the yard sale didn't officially even open yet that she was sticking to her prices. I was torn but bought it anyway. It really is cool because it's smaller and more shallow than most picnic baskets but $4??!! I also got a red handled (which I collect) Scandinavian Krumkake Iron, a vintage little suitcase (that has a mirror when opened and I think will look so cute with rolled up wash rags in!) and an old souvenir tray from Jamaica (might be my favorite of the day). None the less I was so pissy when I left there due to their inflated pricing. I was having some serious buyer's remorse but my piss and vinegar turned to honey when I got to a big community yard sale! There were so many cars and people and sales it was like the Las Vegas strip! I did a few drivebys then came to a cul-du-sac that was exploding! After some grid lock, I found a place to park. The first sale was massive with amazing antiques but the first two items I inquired about were both $80 each. I almost went on to the next one when I spotted an old metal type writer table. Luckily it was priced more accordingly and will paint up so nicely so it was a keeper. I walked to a few more sales but nothing good. I drove a little further and scored some fabulous old billiard balls and a surf poster for my son's room. Then another sale I got two great end tables and an Atlas jar with the lid. Moving right along, I got an amazing chair that Jane is going to LOVE and might even be her birthday present (Ha ha! You don't know what it looks like, Jane!!) My last stop (only because of my husband's shitty job and I had to go home) I got another scrabble game and a wonderful old crate that I could tell she really didn't want to part with but I guess the $3 was enough to make it worth it for her. Really?

Ok, that wraps up another fine morning. Off I go to play with my new toys. This is gonna be a fine day!!! Thank you, yard sale gods!!

Yardsale Mama