I was beginning to think I was being punished by the yard sale gods for breaking rule #1 but turns out the big saler in the sky makes pardons for Friday night bingers and came through for me in the end.
My first sale was a little rough. Without the proper amount of oxygen to my brain I was having difficulty deciding on an old print in a beautiful frame. They wanted $5 for it but it had weird stains and pictures don't really sell well and I walked around with this fucker for 10 minutes, put it down, stared at it some more, backed up, moved forward, did the hokie pokie and turned myself around, stared some more, then finally the lady came over and said, "How about $1?" Thank god she did. I could very well still be there right now had she not. It's funny how decisions become difficult when you're fighting the urge to dry heave.
So, now I'm in business. I have a fucked up print that I'm stuck with and a dollar the poorer. But at least I got out of there. The next stop was bullshit. They too must have broken rule #1 because they decided not to even wake up to sell their crap.
The next three I wish danced last night with lamp shades on their heads and didn't make me awkwardly walk up to their tables of shit and have to look at a few things out of politeness because they're just standing there smiling but really I just wanted to run, make that bolt, back to my van and wipe the Walmart cooties off my hands.
The next was a church sale and I was pissed because I got there early but there were a bunch of cockroaches already picking through my goodies. One just never knows with church yard sales. Some old bitties will make you wait till 8:00 on the dot and then some will let you in an hour early. Do I go there early and stand around with the other carnies or get some more saling in? The life of the yard sale junkie ain't easy. Anyhow, I bought a picnic basket, a pair of pink flippers for my daughter and the book The Shack. Did anyone read this? I know I saw a lot of people reading it a while back so I bought it but read the back really quickly as I got in the van and all I saw was something about believing in God's existence. Oh boy. Not sure it's for me. It's seems there's a religious theme here today though.
My next stop I bought an old OLD bible stand. It's in a bunch of pieces and I'm not even sure it will assemble anything when I'm done but again my brain ain't right today so it will probably sit in my purgatory garage for a few years until it goes out in my own yard sale some day. I am leaning toward the gods not letting this work out for me because the next sale (my home run with bases loaded!!) I bought a picture of The Lord in the most beautiful frame you could imagine (and you know damn well the Son Of God's getting the boot!). I also got a fucking sweet old glass pickle jar (my fave of the day), an old stool and a really old Scrabble board. That stop made up for all my needless driving earlier and I venture to say, knocked the shakes out of my shands.
On the way home I also got a nice hardcover decorating book and was forced to cough up $2.50 because the little old lady having the sale just got through telling me how she was having such a hard time because her arthritis was so bad in her hands that she was having trouble giving back the change. How could I ask if she'd take a dollar after that speech? Do you believe her? I might go back later and pretend I'm a Jehovah's Witness and see how those hands look then. I bet she could flip me the bird just fine when I try to push one of those damn Watchtowers on her. I like her style though. Gotta make the sale!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
why so grumpy?
I was in a grumpy mood last night and sure as shit woke up a grumpy dog this morning. Even when I pulled in the driveway with my goods for the day, I was still pissy. Then, as I looked at my mound of gold, I just turned that frown upside down. All in all, it was a great morning!
So it began with my best yard sale bitch, Jane. Jane broke rule #1 of saling (which is not to drink the night before) and was having stomach issues. This took us on a few detours to bathrooms but really didn't slow us down much (she's lucky!). Our first few were a bust (really helping my mood). Especially the restaurant that's been advertising for weeks and nothin'! They're lucky they have awesome freak-show karaoke on Friday nights or I'd boycott them for good!
Then we pulled up on one that I thought was going to be some college girls selling their lava lamps but it turned out pretty swell. I got a fantastic old metal fireplace insert. It's fucking beautiful! Unfortunately it had 100 year old soot though and through me in a tizzy because my hands were filthy. Morning dew and a napkin saved the day though. (Honestly, I could never shower again and live a happy life but a little dirt on my pinky and I'm scrubbing like a surgeon). So, neuroses aside, off to the next one.
This scored me a mirror and a cheesy lazy susan that I'm thinking will shabby nicely. We'll see.
From there we went to a sale that our other yard sale buddy was having. We see her every week but she's so damn nice we just can't hate her. I want to. I just can't. Her shit was great too! I got a terrific rocking chair that's perfect as is (rare!!!!), an old ice bucket (I have a thing for these) and a doughboy table. Fitting these in Jane's truck was interesting, however. Luckily our Tetris skills paid off and we pulled away like we were crossing the border!
Next I paid too much for a step stool (especially since Jane bought the most fantabulous old chess set for a mother fucking dollar and she told me five for the new step stool! Seriously!) Well, I got it for $3 but still! The nerve of some people!
Ok, I'm getting worked up again.........namiste...........ok, I'm good. So, then we went to a big yard sale. Looking back, what the hell was that? I don't think it was a church. Was it a senior home? Not sure. It was good though. Jane, the whore, got an amazing school map of Wilmington (may her grandchildren have hare lip!!!) but I did get a cheesy print in a fantastic frame, a globe in golds I've never seen before, 2 great bulky odd matching chairs, a book of barns and my fav of the day....a pair of old wooden salt and pepper shakers or actually "Salty and Peppy" as they're named and they have painted faces on them and they're red and I can't believe my kitchen's made it this far without them! My life is complete.
At that point we were driving with one of the chairs in my lap (and jabbing into my gut) with it's partner about to give Jane traumatic brain injury if she stopped too short. Luckily we made it back to my driveway without my ever having to feed Jane through a tube.
Looking back, not a bad day. Why was I such a douche?
So it began with my best yard sale bitch, Jane. Jane broke rule #1 of saling (which is not to drink the night before) and was having stomach issues. This took us on a few detours to bathrooms but really didn't slow us down much (she's lucky!). Our first few were a bust (really helping my mood). Especially the restaurant that's been advertising for weeks and nothin'! They're lucky they have awesome freak-show karaoke on Friday nights or I'd boycott them for good!
Then we pulled up on one that I thought was going to be some college girls selling their lava lamps but it turned out pretty swell. I got a fantastic old metal fireplace insert. It's fucking beautiful! Unfortunately it had 100 year old soot though and through me in a tizzy because my hands were filthy. Morning dew and a napkin saved the day though. (Honestly, I could never shower again and live a happy life but a little dirt on my pinky and I'm scrubbing like a surgeon). So, neuroses aside, off to the next one.
This scored me a mirror and a cheesy lazy susan that I'm thinking will shabby nicely. We'll see.
From there we went to a sale that our other yard sale buddy was having. We see her every week but she's so damn nice we just can't hate her. I want to. I just can't. Her shit was great too! I got a terrific rocking chair that's perfect as is (rare!!!!), an old ice bucket (I have a thing for these) and a doughboy table. Fitting these in Jane's truck was interesting, however. Luckily our Tetris skills paid off and we pulled away like we were crossing the border!
Next I paid too much for a step stool (especially since Jane bought the most fantabulous old chess set for a mother fucking dollar and she told me five for the new step stool! Seriously!) Well, I got it for $3 but still! The nerve of some people!
Ok, I'm getting worked up again.........namiste...........ok, I'm good. So, then we went to a big yard sale. Looking back, what the hell was that? I don't think it was a church. Was it a senior home? Not sure. It was good though. Jane, the whore, got an amazing school map of Wilmington (may her grandchildren have hare lip!!!) but I did get a cheesy print in a fantastic frame, a globe in golds I've never seen before, 2 great bulky odd matching chairs, a book of barns and my fav of the day....a pair of old wooden salt and pepper shakers or actually "Salty and Peppy" as they're named and they have painted faces on them and they're red and I can't believe my kitchen's made it this far without them! My life is complete.
At that point we were driving with one of the chairs in my lap (and jabbing into my gut) with it's partner about to give Jane traumatic brain injury if she stopped too short. Luckily we made it back to my driveway without my ever having to feed Jane through a tube.
Looking back, not a bad day. Why was I such a douche?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Must be May 1st
Good God! The yard sale season (and humidity) has officially begun!!!! There were so many sales this morning I had to drive past some! I was a solo warrior again this week. Jane fell victim to too many margaritas poolside last night. I've learned the hard way that Friday night you keep your alcoholic intake to a minimum. Dry heaving out the window makes for bad saling.
My first stop was one I knew was going to be a driveby. It was the only 6 a.m. sale so I had no choice but to put it first on my list. This church always has yard sales and not once has there ever been more than 2 tables of crap. How much could they possibly make on that? Why not sleep in?
So, after that, was another church that just had a sale a few weeks ago but close proximity made it stop number two. When I pulled up, right away I spotted an old green chalkboard in a white frame that was fantastic. It did have a split in the wood and the guy running the sale went on and on about how to fix it with caulk (Please! You use wood filler dumb ass with a touch of paint!) So, as Bob Vila is educating me on quality woodworking, an old man walks up and is checking out an end table that is great. He asks Mr. Vila how much and agrees to the price but says that he's going to look around some more. After a few minutes I ask Mr. Vila if the old guy is going to get the end table and he says, "Oh no. He wanted the coffee table." I'm sure that's not what he wanted but I snake it anyway. There's no rules in yardsaling. It's fucking primal!!! When I pay the man, however, I notice I only have a few dollars in my wad. There should have been several 20's! So I ran back to my van not only because I could have taken the old man in a foot race but because I'm totally stressed I've lost money. So, I drove back to my house (good time for a dump anyway) and sure enough in my wallet are the 20's. How in the world did I only grab half my money? Maybe I should have a NO alcohol on Friday nights policy.
With an empty van I then went to the church sale I was giddy about all week. The past few years we have done great there. I had to wait with the rest of the professional yard sale carnies until doors opened at 7. My self-diagnosed restless leg syndrome was at an all-time high. I know the others thought I was on crack. I just get so darn excited!! Too bad it was a flop. What little they had was waaaay overpriced and total garbage. I did get a scrabble board (with dark stained letters- classy!) and a to-go coffee mug (you can never have enough).
After that, I was headed to a different church when I spotted a not-on-the-list church yard sale! Hot damn! I had to pass it to park and apparently the church was also giving away free dental in a tent (I know...WTF?) and I had to be escorted by parking attendants! Parking attendants!! I almost ran the sons of bitches over because I really wanted an end table that was right in the front. I got out of my van and ran like the crackhead I am to the piece of furniture. It wasn't as wonderful as I thought but still had potential. I also got 2 aluminum thermoses for my kids (ya gotta go green people!).
I then headed to an 8 o'clock yard sale in another church that I knew from past experience would let you in at 7:30. That church is usually one of my favorites but just like the other one, it was so damn pricey!!! They actually got me for $4 on a damn picnic basket (FOUR DOLLARS!!) I tried to get her to come down in price but she said (a little too snippy for me) that since the yard sale didn't officially even open yet that she was sticking to her prices. I was torn but bought it anyway. It really is cool because it's smaller and more shallow than most picnic baskets but $4??!! I also got a red handled (which I collect) Scandinavian Krumkake Iron, a vintage little suitcase (that has a mirror when opened and I think will look so cute with rolled up wash rags in!) and an old souvenir tray from Jamaica (might be my favorite of the day). None the less I was so pissy when I left there due to their inflated pricing. I was having some serious buyer's remorse but my piss and vinegar turned to honey when I got to a big community yard sale! There were so many cars and people and sales it was like the Las Vegas strip! I did a few drivebys then came to a cul-du-sac that was exploding! After some grid lock, I found a place to park. The first sale was massive with amazing antiques but the first two items I inquired about were both $80 each. I almost went on to the next one when I spotted an old metal type writer table. Luckily it was priced more accordingly and will paint up so nicely so it was a keeper. I walked to a few more sales but nothing good. I drove a little further and scored some fabulous old billiard balls and a surf poster for my son's room. Then another sale I got two great end tables and an Atlas jar with the lid. Moving right along, I got an amazing chair that Jane is going to LOVE and might even be her birthday present (Ha ha! You don't know what it looks like, Jane!!) My last stop (only because of my husband's shitty job and I had to go home) I got another scrabble game and a wonderful old crate that I could tell she really didn't want to part with but I guess the $3 was enough to make it worth it for her. Really?
Ok, that wraps up another fine morning. Off I go to play with my new toys. This is gonna be a fine day!!! Thank you, yard sale gods!!
Yardsale Mama
My first stop was one I knew was going to be a driveby. It was the only 6 a.m. sale so I had no choice but to put it first on my list. This church always has yard sales and not once has there ever been more than 2 tables of crap. How much could they possibly make on that? Why not sleep in?
So, after that, was another church that just had a sale a few weeks ago but close proximity made it stop number two. When I pulled up, right away I spotted an old green chalkboard in a white frame that was fantastic. It did have a split in the wood and the guy running the sale went on and on about how to fix it with caulk (Please! You use wood filler dumb ass with a touch of paint!) So, as Bob Vila is educating me on quality woodworking, an old man walks up and is checking out an end table that is great. He asks Mr. Vila how much and agrees to the price but says that he's going to look around some more. After a few minutes I ask Mr. Vila if the old guy is going to get the end table and he says, "Oh no. He wanted the coffee table." I'm sure that's not what he wanted but I snake it anyway. There's no rules in yardsaling. It's fucking primal!!! When I pay the man, however, I notice I only have a few dollars in my wad. There should have been several 20's! So I ran back to my van not only because I could have taken the old man in a foot race but because I'm totally stressed I've lost money. So, I drove back to my house (good time for a dump anyway) and sure enough in my wallet are the 20's. How in the world did I only grab half my money? Maybe I should have a NO alcohol on Friday nights policy.
With an empty van I then went to the church sale I was giddy about all week. The past few years we have done great there. I had to wait with the rest of the professional yard sale carnies until doors opened at 7. My self-diagnosed restless leg syndrome was at an all-time high. I know the others thought I was on crack. I just get so darn excited!! Too bad it was a flop. What little they had was waaaay overpriced and total garbage. I did get a scrabble board (with dark stained letters- classy!) and a to-go coffee mug (you can never have enough).
After that, I was headed to a different church when I spotted a not-on-the-list church yard sale! Hot damn! I had to pass it to park and apparently the church was also giving away free dental in a tent (I know...WTF?) and I had to be escorted by parking attendants! Parking attendants!! I almost ran the sons of bitches over because I really wanted an end table that was right in the front. I got out of my van and ran like the crackhead I am to the piece of furniture. It wasn't as wonderful as I thought but still had potential. I also got 2 aluminum thermoses for my kids (ya gotta go green people!).
I then headed to an 8 o'clock yard sale in another church that I knew from past experience would let you in at 7:30. That church is usually one of my favorites but just like the other one, it was so damn pricey!!! They actually got me for $4 on a damn picnic basket (FOUR DOLLARS!!) I tried to get her to come down in price but she said (a little too snippy for me) that since the yard sale didn't officially even open yet that she was sticking to her prices. I was torn but bought it anyway. It really is cool because it's smaller and more shallow than most picnic baskets but $4??!! I also got a red handled (which I collect) Scandinavian Krumkake Iron, a vintage little suitcase (that has a mirror when opened and I think will look so cute with rolled up wash rags in!) and an old souvenir tray from Jamaica (might be my favorite of the day). None the less I was so pissy when I left there due to their inflated pricing. I was having some serious buyer's remorse but my piss and vinegar turned to honey when I got to a big community yard sale! There were so many cars and people and sales it was like the Las Vegas strip! I did a few drivebys then came to a cul-du-sac that was exploding! After some grid lock, I found a place to park. The first sale was massive with amazing antiques but the first two items I inquired about were both $80 each. I almost went on to the next one when I spotted an old metal type writer table. Luckily it was priced more accordingly and will paint up so nicely so it was a keeper. I walked to a few more sales but nothing good. I drove a little further and scored some fabulous old billiard balls and a surf poster for my son's room. Then another sale I got two great end tables and an Atlas jar with the lid. Moving right along, I got an amazing chair that Jane is going to LOVE and might even be her birthday present (Ha ha! You don't know what it looks like, Jane!!) My last stop (only because of my husband's shitty job and I had to go home) I got another scrabble game and a wonderful old crate that I could tell she really didn't want to part with but I guess the $3 was enough to make it worth it for her. Really?
Ok, that wraps up another fine morning. Off I go to play with my new toys. This is gonna be a fine day!!! Thank you, yard sale gods!!
Yardsale Mama
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Here it goes.....
I'm a junkie. Yardsales. I go every saturday morning. Sometimes I go fridays and sundays too but they don't give me the fix I need. Usually I go with my friend, Jane. She's a junkie too. It never fails, when I return home from my adventures, I'm ambushed by neighbors and asked, "What'd you get this time?" Inevitably, once they're all oozing with jealousy, one of them will say, "You should write a blog!" So, here it goes.....
This morning I embarked alone. Jane's husband had to do an event for work so she was forced to watch her kids instead of hunting. My husband also works saturdays but I have until 8:30 (which I always push to 8:40 or more; maybe they'll fire him and I could yardsale all day!!!) Sorry, forgive me. A girl can dream.
So, there I am at 6:45 this morning. Most sales start at 7 and ALL sales request, "No earybirds, please!" Whatever. So, my first stop was an inside yardsale ( I love these!!) but not this time. All kid's stuff (take that shit to goodwill, people!!). Next was a driveby (you know, not good enough to stop for). My 3rd spot I passed and almost didn't turn around for. Thank goodness I did. It was the mac daddy!!! I scored an old trunk in perfect condition, an old table (needs a little love but she'll be fantabulous when I'm done!) and a cheesy half boat with shelves (you know the ones, they're everywhere but they sell really well to people with no taste).
Did I mention I sell some of my treasures? I do. I rent a space in an antique mall with Jane and my mother (senior junkie). I also consign my bigger items with a local antique store (but cringe when I have to pay their 40%). Back to my morning.....
So, now I'm pumped up! It's only 7:05 and I have to dump (bring shit home to open up room in my van). The next hour (and about 10 yardsales) were a buzz kill. I did get 2 old stools, a pair of silver-plated salad tongs, a game of scrabble (you wouldn't belive how often I use those letters on my projects!) and a beautiful old, etched glass mirror. (The lady I bought the mirror from was sooo embarrassed about the dust that was on it. She must be a clean freak! Life's too short for that shit!!) Then I went to a community yardsale.
Sometimes these are good but sometimes they can be too crowded and stress me out. Not to mention, this neighborhood was newer and they usually don't have the good shit (too much partical board and Walmart decor) but this one did me right! The first few families had only shit that they should have thrown out years ago. They were driveby's. I slowed down for a surfboard that had some potential but then decided against it. Just beyond him was an old guy (LOVE old people's shit!!!!!!) and an old oak child's chair.
I have to come clean now. I have a chair fettish. I had 23 people over for Thanksgiving and it wasn't a problem. I could have had each one of their entire graduating senior classes and it wouldn't have been a problem either. I just love lone chairs needing a friend. What can I say?
Anyway....after I bought the chair I don't need, I spotted a great old wooden picnic basket but a lady got there before me and was walking away swinging her new find with a big smile on her face. Whore. Behind her and her stench trail, however, was a old, hand-carved wooden bowl, a vintage wooden ice cream maker and my piece de resistance.....a vintage 3 tiered Tom's Peanuts display shelf in my favorite color RED!!!!! Oooo Nelly!! When I get shit that I know I can resell and make some money off of, it makes me happy. When I get shit that I can put in my already ridiculously overcrowded house, it makes me so happy I could pee! Will I put guest towels on my new Tom's shelves? Will I put wii games? Bills? The options are limitless!!! I love stuff!!!! And I really love old stuff!!!!
Ahhh..... so I'm back in my van with the phone buzzing because hubby is late for his pesky job and needs me home to do that mom business. I make one more stop (What? He's already late!) and I score a great low, large table. She ain't pretty yet but should fetch me some bills when she's beautified. All in all, a good day at the office.
Tune in next week to hear more about my adventures and my wonderful (albeit rusty) treasures.
Yardsale Mama
This morning I embarked alone. Jane's husband had to do an event for work so she was forced to watch her kids instead of hunting. My husband also works saturdays but I have until 8:30 (which I always push to 8:40 or more; maybe they'll fire him and I could yardsale all day!!!) Sorry, forgive me. A girl can dream.
So, there I am at 6:45 this morning. Most sales start at 7 and ALL sales request, "No earybirds, please!" Whatever. So, my first stop was an inside yardsale ( I love these!!) but not this time. All kid's stuff (take that shit to goodwill, people!!). Next was a driveby (you know, not good enough to stop for). My 3rd spot I passed and almost didn't turn around for. Thank goodness I did. It was the mac daddy!!! I scored an old trunk in perfect condition, an old table (needs a little love but she'll be fantabulous when I'm done!) and a cheesy half boat with shelves (you know the ones, they're everywhere but they sell really well to people with no taste).
Did I mention I sell some of my treasures? I do. I rent a space in an antique mall with Jane and my mother (senior junkie). I also consign my bigger items with a local antique store (but cringe when I have to pay their 40%). Back to my morning.....
So, now I'm pumped up! It's only 7:05 and I have to dump (bring shit home to open up room in my van). The next hour (and about 10 yardsales) were a buzz kill. I did get 2 old stools, a pair of silver-plated salad tongs, a game of scrabble (you wouldn't belive how often I use those letters on my projects!) and a beautiful old, etched glass mirror. (The lady I bought the mirror from was sooo embarrassed about the dust that was on it. She must be a clean freak! Life's too short for that shit!!) Then I went to a community yardsale.
Sometimes these are good but sometimes they can be too crowded and stress me out. Not to mention, this neighborhood was newer and they usually don't have the good shit (too much partical board and Walmart decor) but this one did me right! The first few families had only shit that they should have thrown out years ago. They were driveby's. I slowed down for a surfboard that had some potential but then decided against it. Just beyond him was an old guy (LOVE old people's shit!!!!!!) and an old oak child's chair.
I have to come clean now. I have a chair fettish. I had 23 people over for Thanksgiving and it wasn't a problem. I could have had each one of their entire graduating senior classes and it wouldn't have been a problem either. I just love lone chairs needing a friend. What can I say?
Anyway....after I bought the chair I don't need, I spotted a great old wooden picnic basket but a lady got there before me and was walking away swinging her new find with a big smile on her face. Whore. Behind her and her stench trail, however, was a old, hand-carved wooden bowl, a vintage wooden ice cream maker and my piece de resistance.....a vintage 3 tiered Tom's Peanuts display shelf in my favorite color RED!!!!! Oooo Nelly!! When I get shit that I know I can resell and make some money off of, it makes me happy. When I get shit that I can put in my already ridiculously overcrowded house, it makes me so happy I could pee! Will I put guest towels on my new Tom's shelves? Will I put wii games? Bills? The options are limitless!!! I love stuff!!!! And I really love old stuff!!!!
Ahhh..... so I'm back in my van with the phone buzzing because hubby is late for his pesky job and needs me home to do that mom business. I make one more stop (What? He's already late!) and I score a great low, large table. She ain't pretty yet but should fetch me some bills when she's beautified. All in all, a good day at the office.
Tune in next week to hear more about my adventures and my wonderful (albeit rusty) treasures.
Yardsale Mama
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