Saturday, September 18, 2010

Elves, Dead Cattle and Bob

Well, I got a late night text from Jane (who I assume was breaking Rule #1 [tsk tsk]) saying that she couldn't make it this morning. Solo again! I'm kind of glad she wasn't with me because it was a different kind of day. Not bad...just different. I think it was because there were so few 7 o'clockers and a lot more freestyles. This gave me more time to sit back in the van and sing along with the radio which miraculously was coming in even though I was vandalized in Myrtle Beach (6 months ago) and the thug sons of bitches stole not only my antenna but the guts of it underneath the hood. This would require me to bring it in to Toyota and spend way too much money and I refuse to give Toyota a penny more than they have already sucked from me. The van's also a lease so in 5 more months I can give the beat up piece of shit back. I hope they don't think it will be in perfect condition. What do they expect a 5 year old minivan to look like? I can't be the only one who's given one back with chocolate milk stains on the ceiling! Ok, sorry about the rant. Back to business......

So! Since I only had four 7's on my route I figured I'd go to the furthest one 1st. When I pulled up I wanted to weep due to all the kids shit but for some reason I got out of the van. I politely scanned their 'should go to goodwill' crap and was about to leave when I saw a vintage leather jacket hanging amongst infant Halloween costumes. I tried the sucker on and although it was a tad tight around the boobulas, it fit like a glove! I freaking love it!!!!! When I got home I noticed it's reversible too! Suede on one side and leather on the other. Seriously it might be my favorite jacket I've ever owned AND IT WAS ONLY 3 CLAMS!!!!! Man oh man, what a score!!!!! I does smell, well, leathery. I hope I can get past that. Maybe someday NASA can figure out a way to neutralize that decaying cow flesh odor. Steaks don't even smell that bad! I tell you what though, I was in Morocco years ago and some pesky kid wanted to be our guide and although we said no he persisted and when we did the math we realized it was less than a dollar so we gave in. Anyway, one of his 'must see' spots was a leather dying facility on a roof and when I tell you it stunk like nothing I have even endured before or since, I still am not conveying to you how badly it stunk!!!! The kid gave us mint leaves to stuff up our noses but it only made it smell like dead fish were in a mojito. Sweet Mother of God I will never forget that smell. maybe that's why I'm not the biggest lover of leather. Oh well. My new jacket is just too damn snazzy!!! If I'm lucky I'll have colds all winter and me and my buggery anti-odor blocker can sport my new digs like a rock star!!! Have I really only gotten to my first item?? Not to worry, my day was like a Subway sandwich: not too much meat between the bun.

So, yeah, after scoring the jacket I drove around to a bunch of nothing sales. Literally the whole 7 o'clock hour was nothing more than a tour of central Wilmington. Then, when the clock struck 8, I went to a sale and got a half table and a set of jars that will both paint and shabbitize nicely.
After that I hit a friend's mother-in-law's sale and got an old Atlas jar with lid, 3 old felt elves (which of course I collect) and an old Christmas stocking (really, I just love vintage Christmas shit!!!) My 8 o'clockers were turning out to be alright! I also got an incredible 3 tiered table with trefoils on the sides, an old chair with beautiful dark wood and lastly but certainly not leastly, a biography on Bob Marley!!! With pictures!!!!
Jane, you missed another great day! I hope the spirits were worth it last night! Well, I've got to go get this dead cow out of my bedroom. I keep looking back and I swear I see that cartoon white fog coming from my score and aiming for my nose. I have a surprising urge for french fries too. Gonna be an interesting fall!!