Saturday, October 9, 2010

Pushy Boy Scouts, Dead Beat Soccer Dudes and My Big Fat Ass

How is it possible that I went to my first 6 sales this morning without buying a single thing? And 2 of them were churches?! I thought Jane put some sort of hex on me because she could not participate in the games. Perhaps she did but her voodoo wore off by the time I hit lucky number 7. Not that it was great but it put me back in the game. I got a nice old glass and metal outdoor coffee table and a rusted scrolly wire hanging planter. (It looks better than it sounds).

Next up was a fundraiser for a boy scout troop. It's amazing I got anything because all the little people were getting bored and so resorting back to their old toys and it was complete pandemonium of scooter riding, pogo bouncing, lacrosse, and a lot of, "Mommy, mommy! Can I have little Jimmy's (such and such)? It's only a dollar?" I really just wanted to turn around (since I just got back from a week in Myrtle Beach with my own little beggars) but I persevered and scored a great sturdy wicker table (always a good re-seller), a beautiful painting of a barn scene, a great frame with glass and lastly a Cooking Mama Cookoff Wii game that I really didn't even want but those 5 little lads had a lot more energy than I did and wouldn't take no for an answer. The one little weasel even said that he still loves to play it. Yeah right! I'm so sure that in between boy scouts and soccer and general boys-will-be-boys rough housing, I just know you rush home for a swell game of Cooking Mama Cookoff! Little shit! Incidentally my very grateful little angels have already come in here to tell me how much the game sucks. Great. I think they said the fundraiser was for a paintball tournament. I've been meaning to take that sport up anyway. Little Jimmy's going down!!!!!!

After that I hit a sale for a men's soccer team or something. That seemed like a really weird organization to host a fundraiser because really, if you can't afford the high expenses of playing soccer every Saturday morning for 2 months then maybe you should take the shin guards off and get a second job or possibly a first in some cases. Well, I enabled one of the losers with Peter Pan Syndrome because I just couldn't walk away from a cheap wooden hanging swing. I mean that literally too. The last one I had, my neighbor and I sat on it and we fell right to the ground cushioned only by wood slats in our tail bones. Come to think of it, my friend and I also took down my hammock in a similar act of grace. Sucks when the common denominator is my fat arse! I think this new one will be a 'show swing' like Aunt Ethel's holiday towels. Look, I have a low live oak branch that's at a perfect horizontal level. It's just screaming for a swing! A hundred years ago when she was just a sapling she didn't know her cohabitators were going to biggie size everything. It would be unjust not to accessorize nature's beauty! (You buying this crap?) Well, I did. So looks like I better get painting!!!!

By the way, The Yard Sale Mama is having her own yard sale tomorrow @ 8! I have a really great Wii game for you, my friend! (Just don't be tempted to sit on my new swing)!