Saturday, October 23, 2010

Homelessness, Cryogenics and Possible Arson

Holy hell.......when did it get so friggin cold?! I had no idea it was time to bust out my homeless person gloves already. I'm not sure if I shared this story already but last Christmas I asked for a pair of gloves with exposed fingertips and my darling husband bought me a regular pair of knit gloves from Walmart and cut the fingers off. They immediately began to fray to which hubby offered to burn the ends (while they were still on my hands!). I declined and now when I wear them I look as though I had a good Friday night in the park begging for money and now I can afford to yard sale like the rest of high society. I think it's payback for when I told him to grow his hair out and I kept telling him that although it was bushy and in that slightly awkward stage that it looked just fine. It didn't. He looked like a big red Chia Pet. Sometimes a girl just needs a chuckle. OK, back to saling....

As I said, it was a tad chilly. I kept expecting to see Walt Disney's frozen corpse at one of my stops but I don't think he's ready to thaw just yet. I'm not sure he'd want to come back to life now anyway and discover that his fellow Americans are so fat that we're sinking his boats in 'It's a Small World'. (True story. We really are.) Wow. I'm all over the place this morning. Could someone please get me some decent gloves and a prescription for Ritalin this Christmas? So where was I.....? Saling! That's right, I'm writing a yard sale blog.....

So, despite the cold and darkness I set sale this morning. First up was at a church and I thought it would be great but what little they had was waaaaay over priced! It sucked too because my next stop didn't start for 25 more minutes so I had to walk the 2 aisles over and over and over. If I'd had my gloves on I'm sure the gals running the show would have thought I'd come in for the warmth. Oh well. Strike one.

Next was a k.c. (kid's crap). Out of boredom I did buy a new Sponge Bob sippy cup for my special son who still can't drink out of a cup. It was so dark out still that I paid 50 cents for it and then got in my van and noticed the sticker said 25 cents. You know that move is going to throw my whole day off!!! Kills me!

Next up was more k.c. and a drive by at that! With too much time before 8, I decided to hit a few in a neighborhood a bit out of my loop. I scored a hideous metal wire shelf that I'm thinking will paint and shabbitize nicely but I don't know. I think I just wanted to buy something. Leaving there I saw a sign for a freestyle but the man was still setting up so he told me to come back. After that I hit another freestyle and got a fantastic metal carousel that I haven't a clue what should go in it but painted will be AMAZING!!! I don't really think it's my decor but someone is going to shit when they see this thing! Good score! Fav of the day!!

After that I went back to Freestyle I and a got a nice table, a mirror and a metal boat! That little roll got me in the mood! After that I went to a street that had 3 sales!! I got a nice copper salt and pepper set, a measuring set on a wooden stand (screaming to be scabbitized!!), a bowl from an old mixer (for Mama!), a brush set for my daughter (whose knots are so bad she broke her last brush and coined her the nickname, Bob Molly), and lastly an old metal tray with an Asian scene that I bought with none other than Mrs. Linton in mind. Who is Mrs. Linton you ask? I don't know because I never met the woman but I did rent her beau-ti-ful house last weekend in Black Mountain, NC for a wedding and she had all these amazing Asian antiques and I admired them so much and frankly wanted to steal them but I controlled myself and then 2 days after we left the house on the crest of the mountain with the stunning views, it burned to the ground. To the ground!!!! Isn't that awful?!!! Forensics were there yesterday and I'm hoping to god it was nothing we did but either way! How insane! None-the-less, now I have an Asian tin tray that will always remind me of dear old Mrs. Linton's gorgeous home. Crazy right?

So, after that I was pressed for time and could only stop at a few more. They were complete crap but I did get a wonderful old typewriter that I've been wanting for years. It will go great in my 'World Traveler' room. Now I can add author to the many accomplishments of my fictitious Renaissance Man that I'm staging in my front living room. I'm such a loser! Speaking of which, I just read a book called 'Clutter's Last Stand' because really, I'm trying! But anyway one of the things it said was, "Do the majority of people who enter your home for the first time say it'" Son of a bitch they do!!!! Damn it! Can you add therapy to my Christmas list too? That one's going to cost you. You might want to make it a Christmas/birthday combo.