Saturday, November 27, 2010

A Date with the Overdressed, a Land of Tires and a Good Role Model for Today's Youth

Knowing it was a holiday weekend, knowing there were only a few sales advertised, knowing it rained all day yesterday, knowing that a crazy cold front had come in and turned our balmy Carolinas into a wintery hell, I still could not take a Saturday off. I think I would spontaneously combust if I ever sat out a saling adventure. I just have to! Jane (who's lost that lovin' feelin') stayed home and spent time with her family. Whatever! Not I. I actually hopped in that freezing van with my mother-in-law in tow and hit the high seas! How's that for quality family time?!

Surprisingly, we got to the first sale just as the lady was opening her garage. We got quite the look of detest as she saw us pulling up 10 minutes early. Luckily there was a sale a few blocks away so we thought it best if we give our non-morning girl a few minutes to set up. The other sale wasn't much but I did get my boy a Spiderman puzzle that wasn't even opened yet! My Christmas shopping is going much too well so early in the game! After that we went back to the Evil Eye but she had nothing but crap anyway. Or did she? Maybe she was just waiting for us pull away. I blame my mother-in-law for this (as I often do for everything) because she got waaay to dressed up for our morning out complete with zebra scarf and high heeled boots! How are we supposed to make the people feel sorry for us when I bring the Housewives of New Jersey with me? Beginners!

Next up was an inside/outside sale! Loooove these! Unfortunately these usually mean that a loved one has passed but I'm sure they have furniture stores in heaven. Honestly, most of the individuals who have 'gone-to-a-greater-place' are going to be tickled that they can score some new surroundings. I don't want to be struck by lightening or anything but what loads of shit people carry with them into their golden years! This sale (among other crap) had at least 15 truck tires for sale. How does that happen? Sure I might collect old rolling pins and some might find that weird but at least they're pretty and don't take up much room. These were 15 odd tires in an array of shapes (ok, maybe not shapes; round has proven to be the standard when it comes to tires) but an array of sizes. Wait a minute. Come to think of it, they would have made some good tire swings. Could have fit all the kids on my block with one of those bad boys! Darn it! I'll have to get one at the next sale with multiple truck tires. I did get a large have-a-heart-trap to protect my chickens from raccoons and possum and the like. And also I got a large metal cart if ever I am to hunt the flea markets again. I think such a purchase has put me into the category as one of THEM but I can mask my destiny no longer. I've got the tattoos. It was either carnie or Saturday morning junker and at least this keeps me home with my family. I wonder if there are any spots open at my kid's career day........."First kids, never get too intoxicated the night before you go saling. It messes with your game. Next, always jew down the prices. People really just want more room in their garages for next year's collection of stuff to be brought out for another yard sale. Next, kids and most importantly, always dress like you're homeless. It helps in the jewing down process. Any questions"? Oh I see prom king and queen in their future!!!! Hell, people only wear those outfits once. You know I can score a good deal! Aren't puffy sleeves coming back in style anyway?

Ok, back to saling and away from potential Linda Evans the next sale I got my boy a really cute American flag sweater. It's too big and I know he'll never wear it because it doesn't have a cartoon character on it but I love all things flag so I'll be happy to put his clothes away beside it all season long. Maybe if I tell him it will make him an American hero like Superman he might sport it. Wish me luck!

The next sale was also an inside/outside sale (may they rest in peace)! We got there 20 minutes early and they made us wait every bit of it. When we were finally unleashed inside there were no price tags on anything. Such torture! I ran right to a great bench but how long was I to linger by it when I knew that there were so many other treasures yet to be explored! I finally got the lady's attention and she said the bench was $20. That was a great price but that would have taken all of my money so I had to walk away from the booty. That is a decision that is still haunting me so I must move on. I did walk out of there with a stupendous magazine table (at least that's what I think it is), a great Caribbean-esque painting, a small step stool and a little treasure chest. Ooooh? Should I have gotten the bench? Thing is, it would have been something I would sell and it's more of a spring seller so I do believe that I made the right call but................oooohh..........eeeerrrr.........ahhhhh.............did I? Sigh.

It only makes my brain struggle worse because the next sale was a bust and the last sale all I got was a bread box so really I could have gone into my best homeless routine and gotten all of my finds in one swoop. Oh such a life I lead! The pressure could drive me to drink. Just not on a Friday night!!!!!!