Saturday, May 29, 2010

Thank god for the Russian!


*Note to self: When the weatherman calls for thunderstorms over Memorial Day weekend, stay the fuck in bed! Of course, not a drop fell but the threat was enough for the sales to be minimal.

(If this yard sale/resale biz doesn't pan out, I think I want to be meteorologist. Maybe after intensive schooling I can finally figure out the difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny.)

Now that I've worked out Plan B I can tell you about my morning. Jane joined me on today's adventures. There's so much I want to write about that but in order to keep her as my friend I must refrain. For those of you reading this who know her, her "issues for some tissues" were in full force! Ok, I really have to move on. I shan't, I musn't!!!!!

So, we're running late and usually Jane would make up for this by breaking the sound barrier in her Escalade but today she was a little off and we coasted to not 1, not 2 but 6 yard sales before we even stopped to get out. Apparently today was Get Rid of Baby Shit Day. People, no one wants your 0-6 month stained onsies!!!! Finally a sale was inside so we were forced to put the car in park and go inside but when we did not only was there complete crap but her prices were insane. I really wanted a shelf but she wanted $15 for it (should have been $2) so I asked if she could come down at all and snippy as hell she replied, "No! Not this early!" What a snatch! Then Jane tells me that she got snippy with her for buying a $2 mirror with a $20. The sweaty, witch haired, snatch even said, "Don't you know to bring singles to yard sales!" To which Jane replied, "We do this all the time. Don't you know to have change for people at your yard sales?!" As if!!! Doesn't she know who we are? She really got my panties in a bunch!

Well! After that we happened upon an unadvertised yard sale (freestyle!) and I finally bought a weird rusty wheel with a rod through it (I was getting fucking desperate!) and a cheesy hanging pot rack (?). Oh, and I picked up 2 old blocks and they were both c's (my initials) so I needed them (??).

When I got back into the truck I was down right depressed. I bought a bunch of shit and now my hands had icky rusty filth on them. Oh! And a guy who got there after me found behind some tools a giant Willy Wonka head! Someone definitely had used it for target practice but I think that made it even cooler. Man, I can't believe a professional like me let that get past me! (You know I blame Cruella Deville for making me off my game!!!)

So, a few more sales and a few more people observing Get Rid of Baby Shit Day. (I hate them and their babies!) Luckily on the way home we saw a sign for another unadvertised, freestyle sale and when we drove up to the house we remembered The Russian! We were at his yard sale a few months back and we both got stuff but I can't remember what but what made us really remember the sale was The Russian giving us his sob story (please insert accent) about breaking up with his girlfriend and having to move back to his country. Just imagine that last sentence lasting 20 minutes! Good lord, we were hoping Homeland Security or Jason Bourne would assassinate him right there just to put a stop to his whining! We felt for him (really we did) but we we're under a time constraint! Oh, so, back to today.....we both agreed not to smile or even make eye contact with The Russian and luckily I was able to get 2 fantastic end tables. He started the 'Move Back to My Country' schpeil but I cut him off at the beginning with, "Will you take 10?" and (insert accent again) "because I have to move back to my counrty...................OK."

We will miss you Mullet Crowned Russian Man. (But then again we bade our farewells last time and you dodged Jason Bourne once before.) See you in a few months!

3 comments:

  1. The sweet will be sweeter (in the future) because of the sour, baby! These people need to sell DESKS!!

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  2. love it. too funny. we r rad yardsale bitches

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  3. where do you come up with this stuff... homeland security or Jason Bourne.....your blog is a laugh out loud experience

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