Saturday, July 24, 2010

Squatters, Churches and a Wooden Pig

Quite often Jane and I pull back into my driveway after our day of saling and we're a tad glum that we didn't hit the mother load. Quite often we're right. This morning, however, was slow and didn't feel like we were scoring much but as I clumped my finds together to take a photo, I was really quite pleased.

First up was a house downtown with a sign that read, "If it's not nailed down, it's for sale!" Nice. Unfortunately it's contents were your typical crap. They did have an old medicine cabinet but they wanted $25 for it. Prices like that get me in a bad mood. How dare they? I wanted to storm out of there but then I spotted a camping shower tent. I've been really wanting one of these so I dared ask. Luckily the gal said she hates camping so she told me a fair price. On principle I offered less and we met half way. Mama's happy!
It was as we were leaving downtown, to head to the next sale, however, that I had the highlight of my day. I was driving along and Jane giggled and told me to go back. I threw the van in reverse only to find a man squatting on a newspaper and wiping his ass as he stared me in the eyes. Now I'm not saying that there aren't times when you just gotta go..... but in a driveway? A few feet from the road? That was awesome. Can't make this shit up, folks. Literally!
Ok, on to number two (I couldn't resist that one) we just couldn't find the house. Luckily we freestlyed a different one and Jane got a great bistro set. Bi-atch! I bought an awful little table that I hate and wish I didn't buy but repainted some fool will buy it. Poor bastard.
Let's see......after that I got a great scrabble game with the dark stained letters from an old New Yorker and I gave him the money and then I saw a really nice sand chair (can you ever have enough of these?) and my change of the $5 was the $2 I just gave him and he said, "Whad ah you an Indian givah?". Guess so, P.C. Guy.
Moving right the next sale I got a to-go coffee mug (Again, can you ever have enough? The answer's 'no' in my house since hubby always leaves them in his truck and although there's always 10 on his front seat there's never 1 in my cabinet to hold my morning vice! Of course now there'll be 11 on his seat and none for mama. Errrrr!)
Next up I got a picnic basket for 15 cents because the guy didn't have change and that's all the coins I had. I might try to use that technique more often. In fact that did happen not that long ago I wanted to buy a great old bathroom cabinet and the lady wanted $2 and I only had $5 and she didn't have change and she told me to just take it. She said she was happy to just get rid of it. I painted that sucker and it sold for $40 a week later! Thank you, Yard Sale Gods!!!!!!
After that we went to the high school which was having a fundraiser and it was HUGE!!!! I was so excited but all I got was a big map for 10 cents. Oh and a Barbie life jacket which might have to be my score of the day since I've been looking for a girlie one in my daughter's size but they're really hard to find. There's tons for babies but not my baby. Now maybe she won't piss and moan on the boat that she has to wear a life jacket. Yeah right!
From there we stopped at a strange sale and the guy handed my a flyer about their strange church in an old bungalow. I bought 2 pool floats for the youngins and I was told to have a blessed day. Thanks, weird dude. I'll try. We live in the south. There's a church on every block. Why are folks always trying to organize yet another church? There's a perfectly good weird church in an old storefront 50 feet away. Just hang with those weird people. I really think you'd get along. (I wonder if hell really is THAT hot? I think if I stock up on the SPF I could be mayor.) I bought a wooden pig that's actually 2 wooden pigs with a wooden box between them and I was really excited when I purchased it until Jane and I were discussing what to paint it and frankly what you would do with it and then I realized I bought a wooden pig box. What the f*@$?
Ok, so now we're feeling wild because it's after 8:30 because both of our kids are with there grandparents so we can sale away but really now we're just looking at sloppy seconds. In addition I drove into this neighborhood that goes on and on and on and I got us lost and we feared we might grow old there. After a good 15 minutes we spotted our main road out of there but had to stop for one last sale. We pulled over and I got a great old arm chair. Single chairs are slow sellers but arm chairs seem to fly out of the store AND people will pay a nice amount for them. So, now I'm happy that I at least will break even on the gas I just spent.
Well, there you have it. Not a day for the story books but an adventure all the same. Can you believe I saw a man take a crap? You don't see that working 9 to 5!

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