An English Gentleman, An Ugly American and Pasties

Why is it I spring out of bed during the week before the alarm even goes off and I'm a chipper little sprite ready to take on the day? Saturday morning rolls around however, and the alarm sounds like a Cold War air raid? So many of life's little mysteries! Well, in hind sight, the scare of a Russian invasion was well worth it.

Our first stop was one of those where their stuff was great but a wee pricey even though we knew we could still make a nice profit off the goods. I was tempted to pass but so many people were looking at the same items I was. I was all but urinating on them to mark my territory so in the heat of the moment with the feeling of winning, I purchased a nice little bench that will come back to life very nicely with some new paint and fabric and a violin that I'v been looking for for my daughter because my sister-in-law, her god mother, plays one and she's shown an interest so far be it for me to stifle her artist goals! (Incidentally, my sister-in-law, Shannon, plays with Flight's Kool up in the Garden State and you must go see them if you're up that way 'cause they're awesome!!! And I'm not just sayin' that!!!) Ok, so back to me me me. I also left there at the last minute with a tall wooden quilt rack. Not sure how popular these things are today but painted an antique white and shabbied up, I don't think you could resist it.

Next up was a sale that they have on a church's lawn pretty frequently but it's turned into a dealer's flea market and if I wanted to pay antique store prices I sure as shit wouldn't be up at the crack of dawn trudging through the morning dew soaked grass getting my toes and flip flops all saturated and covered with grass clippings. I leave there looking like Swamp Thing (empty handed!!!) I say I'm not going to go back but my name is Christine C. and I'm an addict!

After that we hit a few duds but then we went to one with tons of beautiful antiquities but again, too expensive. Jane however, got the husband outside to give her a price on a HUGE old crock and she got the sucker for $25!!!!! It's got to be worth hundreds!!! Well done, Jane!!! Mama got nothin'. (Sigh)

The next couple were shitty. I did get a few headbands for my little lady and some books. One was even an old Hardy Boys book but blah, blah, blah. I did see an amazing old metal patio chair but I just couldn't spend $20 for it. Now I won't sleep for days thinking about it. It was really THAT cool. Bummer. It sucks being cheap! My daughter has a play date later near there. I might swing by and see if it could possibly still be there. I'm sure it isn't. What an ass I am! (Sigh again)

The next sale was in a nice neighborhood (errrrrr) but we thought we'd go anyway and although most of the things were as you can expect from a nice neighborhood, priced too steep, I did pick up an old wooden Canada Dry soda crate and it had $5 on it but I got the husband this time who was English and I said (revoltingly sweet and high pitched), "This says $5 but would you take less for it?" To which he replied, "Oh no....." and in that split second my mind raced with, "Look you English son of a bitch, I'm paying with dollars here. Do you realize how weak they are right now, you pompous ass!" But he finished by saying, "Oh no...$5 is much too much. $2 will do." Sorry lovely English chap. I'm an ugly American and I can't help it. Plus, I got up so early, sir. You understand, right? Maybe I can buy some new fuses for my temper at the next sale. They would be my fav of the day for certain!

Short circuiting and crazy, I went to our final sale and there were tons of stuff but all I was drawn to was a very bizarre old painted window where the 'artist' attached finials to the top and then screwed in 3 Plexiglas holders where candles rested. I'm finding I have no other words to express what I feel about this .....sculpture, would you call it? Not sure. All I know is that I'm it's new owner and it should be one hell of a challenge to tag it for the store. Please write in with any suggestions on what to call it.

Ok, on that note, I'm off to a play date. It's with a bunch of girls whose mothers found the traditional Girl Scouts had just too many rules so we formed our own. Sometimes it amazes me that there are more people out there who think like me. OR they could feel sorry for me because both me and my daughter usually have the $1 price tags still dangling off some part of our ensemble. Whatever! It was a huge hit for Minnie Pearl! I don't think the fist time Madonna went out in public with her pasties on she was met with open arms. Life ain't easy for us trend setters!!!