Saturday, September 11, 2010

Englishtown, Gifts from The Divine and Illegal Tortoise Trade

I really don't even know where to begin this morning. I haven't written in 2 weeks because I went to The Motherland (New Jersey [exit 117]) last weekend for a wedding but really because I wanted to go to the spegtacala (Long Island for spectacular)Englishtown Auction, the holiest of holy lands! I've been going to this flea market since I was single digits with my dad. We'd go at 5:30 a.m. with flashlights like some archaeologists on a quest for the missing link. My dad would get some tool or tool part and always another pair of work jeans or a pair of sneakers for a dollar. I would get imitation Cabbage Patch Kids accessories and maybe a Benetton shirt or Camp Beverly Hills depending on the year. Neither were the real deal but I rocked them like I was on the cover of Seventeen Magazine! Anyway, I wanted to write about my trip last week, kind of a special edition like when the Bradys went to Hawaii but my modem has been down and I've been unable to hit the world wide web. I've posted pics of the loot and a few afters but I'm afraid that's all I can do. One must move on.........
So, today.....
When did it get so dark at 6:30 a.m? Jane couldn't accompany me this morn because her man had to go away for work. It was pretty creepy going out to sales alone and vulnerable in the black abyss with cash in my pocket. Well, I thought that for about 5 seconds then I got over it and got excited to begin my adventure.
The first sale looked ok from the street then was shit up close. When I left, however, there was a sign for a freestyle right around the corner! Mother of God was it awesome!!! I got an old metal glider (for $5!!!!!!!!!!!!), not 1 but 2 gorgeous oak tables and a great old frame WITH the glass that I already put up against a watercolor of a harbor that's currently in a way cheesy 80's metal frame and I think it will be smashing when the two finds collide. Man, what have I done to please the Yard Sale Gods like this?! I do try to always do the right thing but this is too much!!! You're spoiling me!!!!
OK, out of the clouds and back on land, it was only 7:02 and I already had to dump the goods!!!!! I was so excited I could barely keep from shouting!!! In fact I did a duet with Allison Krauss on the radio and I really think we killed it! I hope she doesn't ask me to go on tour with her. How would I hit the sales in the mornings with a rock star lifestyle? Not to mention the price hikes when the fans realize who I am. Sorry, Allison, you'll have to stick with Robert Plant for the duets. I can only spread myself so thin!
Back to, I went back home and started fresh with a clean(ish) van. That was when my sails began to luff. The next few sales were crap. I had a slight gust when I scored an authentic tortoise shell (are they even legal anymore?), a metal 'M' and a 'D' in red (for my daughter and husband) and a great old pillow that already spices up my living room!
Then, back to more shit sales.
I was so excited though, when I got to a church sale and The Nemesis was right behind me but I beat him there and had the edge but they wouldn't let us in before 8 and when I peaked in it looked like a lot of kids clothes. Damn you, Nemesis!!! Next time!!!!
So, on to the next sale.
There I got a huge box of corks for 50 cents and, I'm not sure what it is. I first thought it was a folding tv tray. Then, I thought it was a folding jewelry box. Now, I think it definitely folds and it's for whatever the fuck you want. Not sure I can write that on a tag but I'll hit the thesaurus and see what I come up with.
Meanwhile, during that sale, it started to rain. A wee drizzle but rain none-the-less. Usually this just means folks give the stuff away but it seemed this morning they just packed up and went back to bed.
There was one last sale around the corner from my house and I bought a pair of peacock feather earrings that I know will infect my ears but I saw a girl at a sale earlier with a pair and they looked great on her. The lady that made them claimed that they're silver plated but she might just be referring to the color not the metal. For a buck, I'll give it a go!!!
So, that wraps up my morning. Another terrific week. Hard to top Englishtown but hey, what could? What the hell could?????


  1. quite possibly my favorite post ever...awesome writing. A big fan!!!!

  2. I think the folding thing-a-ma-jig is a man's jewelry box. Glad you got good stuff - Mama got crap!!
    Too many folks watching TV, this isn't Antique Roadshow folks.... - hey, it's your JUNK, you don't want.....why are you asking sooooooo much $$ for it??? Now you have to bring it back into the house again...ha ha ha ha----wise up!!