Saturday, September 25, 2010

Huey Lewis, Geriatric Salespeople and Mutations

So, some of you may know that earlier in the week we discovered that our kitchen wall was riddled with mold from a leaking 100 year old pipe. In the few days it took for the insurance company to get back to us and tell us that it would be covered under our policy, I did not sleep A WINK! Ironically, the kitchen is the one room in the house we've completely gutted and redone from the studs. Now, that's exactly what must be done AGAIN! Kind of makes me want to kick out a pipe in the bathroom. Think they'll suspect any foul play? Anyway, I'm mentioning this to you because today was the day, apparently, that my body wanted to catch up on zzz's. And of all the songs to blare out of the alarm clock and remind me of the fact that it wasn't going to happen on this fine morning.....'It's Hip to Be Square!' Screw you, Huey Lewis! You know that s.o.b. is sleeping in with his quest for a new drug and all. Damn you, Huey!! Don't you know no News is good news!!!!! (Ha ha! Good one, Chrissy!)

Ok, so I woke up (albeit with that frigging song in my head...STILL!) and met Jane for saling. Our list, aka 'The Route' was pretty crappy. The first one was at a church a few blocks away and in years past this has been a great one. It was a 6 o'clocker too so we were excited to start with a bang. That is until we saw The Nemesis LEAVING the sale with a bunch of shit in the back of his truck! The guy's a fucking ninja! How does he do it?! Of course we got there and there's shit left. To boot there's a guy with the loudest voice of all time cracking on Jane's lead foot. He just keep talking and laughing but we literally walked away. Then I asked someone about a table and wouldn't you know it's The Voice of God's and he said he was hoping to get $150 for this hideous table and mirror that he claims to have paid $800 for then said that he's in 'the renovations' business (ok, drill gun engineer!) and that's why he had all this stuff. So, which is it? Did you pay 8 bills for this or did you heist it off your last job site? Either way I was only a player at about $25 so we left while he was still talking.....loudly.

When I plotted the route last night, I had assumed that that sale would have taken us longer. It was only 6:40 and the next sales were 7 o'clockers. We went to them anyway but they weren't even set up yet. Three later we finally got to one but it was crap. Then we went to our 7:30 one in a fancy neighborhood (even though it was only 7) and there were a ton of people there already!! And what was there already had sold stickers on them!!! Huh? I did get a frame that I believe will work with a nice watercolor from a few sales ago but what the hell! The lady of the house (in her 60's) was one hell of a sales person too. Usually that irks me but her I loved. I think my husband the car manager should go back and hire her. If she could sell a Hyundai like she sold Jane a beat up bar stool.....I think we could be her fancy neighborhood neighbors! Of course then she would be able to move to the water (which would be ok, really; don't think I could live next to her). She'd send me to the poor house too every time her grand kids had a school fundraiser!

So, after that, we hit a freestyle and I got a great trunk (well, great on a day when the bar is low). I also wanted a really cute needlepoint of a cabin but she wanted $3 for it and I really couldn't fork out that kind of dough. It was a dollar item all day long. It needed a new frame and it was in an oval matte so you know it was discolored underneath and I just couldn't do it. The lady wouldn't budge either! I did the right thing by walking away (with my new trunk) but hell if I'm not obsessed with the damn thing now! Must....Let......Go!!!!!

So, we leave there and are about to hit our 8 o'clockers when we see the craziest thing ever (well, the guy shitting in the driveway that time while giving us full eye contact was pretty great too!). But we saw a guy riding a bike and his friend on the handlebars....normal, right? Oh no! These were 2 of the ugliest guys EVER!!!!! In fact the handlebar mutant was so ugly that Jane swore he had to be a dummy. There is some credibility to that theory since he did have a STRIKING resemblance to Alfred E. Newman but I have to think he was real! And to make it even crazier, they were laughing away! Happy as hell to be peddling a bike at 8 in the morning on a Saturday! Then again, it's not like they had dates last night that kept them up late. If my husband ever figures out his new 'easy to use' Flip Video I definitely HAVE to start capturing some of this shit! Did I mention how WHITE he was?! My word!!!

I swear we should have just called it a day after that! Or at least driven around the corner to see it again! But we didn't. We went to a bunch more shit sales. Shouldn't people be rejoicing in the fact that it's finally dropped below 90 and cleaning out their houses? Why such an off day? Maybe The Nemesis got to all our sales right before we did. Maybe that's why The Beastly Bike Boys were laughing! Oh man! I have to take a new look at my life when the short bus kids are laughing at ME! Nah. They were laughing at Jane. Definitely Jane!

1 comment:

  1. If it's any consolation, i went to the same church (actually 5 people with junk in a parking lot) yard sale and the table and mirror were still there. So, at least he had to trudge it back home--and it looked heavy!