Saturday, April 9, 2011

Parades, Short Lived Azaleas and that Damn Marble Topped Chest of Drawers!

As a creature of habit I am finding it difficult to blog right now as it is 1:30 on Saturday afternoon and I am not high on heirloom heroin (or as my boyfriend, Mike Wolfe, from American Pickers says 'junk drunk'). Earlier in the week I promised my brats that I would take them to the Azalea Festival parade. (I HATE those warm and fuzzy moments!). So, I rushed home from saling, grabbed the monsters and fled like a speed demon downtown in traffic, scrambled for a parking spot, ran (without a sports bra mind you!) to the damn parade, got chased away from our original spot where we met Jane and her kids by a woman who supposedly had a friend with a wheelchair coming (Likely! Kid hater!) only to settle down at another spot in the front row with a great view of not only the parade but the great buildings on 3rd street only to THEN realize that it was really fucking cold out! I have lived here for 10 years and it has NEVER been cold during Azalea Fest. A few days ago Mr. Weatherman said it was going to be 78 degrees today! I had sunblock in my purse for the love of god! Needless to say it all went downhill from there. We did stick it out for three horrendous hours but when my boy had a meltdown because he couldn't get an over priced plastic toy from China off the cart, we took that as our cue to leave. So....where was I? Oh yes. I'm writing a blog about my adventures in yard saling. I'm sorry to say that I do not have a pic yet of my finds but one item I bought is too large for me to carry out by myself and I thought of taking a pic from inside the van but in honor of Mrs. Jordan who lived in this house for almost 60 years before we moved in, I can not in good consciousness take a picture without using her prize winning azaleas as the backdrop. Azaleas only get one week of glory and I just can't bring myself to close that short window of opportunity. I'm thinking I will get my money shot when hubby gets home from work and I'll post this then. Yes. That's what I'll do! Where was I? Oh yes, this pesky yard saling blog again. So...... Despite not enough sleep last night because I couldn't shut down after the amazing Avett Brothers concert, I persisted and somehow made it into my van at 6:40 this morn. I got to my first sale early and even helped the woman fold up her tarpaulins (my new favorite word [had no idea that's what tarp was short for]) only to find out this was day #2 of her sale! Like I want any one's sloppy seconds!!!! My next sale was a no show. The one after that was kid's crap. The sale after that was crap that should have been taken to the Salvation Army (in the drop off box in the middle of the night so you don't have to be embarrassed of your crap [hard to believe it was still in their house only a few short hours ago!]). My fifth sale I turned the wrong way due to sleep deprivation and gave up on it only to hit a freestyle which low and behold was also kid's crap. At that point I was seriously ready to throw in the proverbial towel until I remembered a church sale advertised that wasn't too far away but I didn't put much faith into it because the ad had no time and it seemed poorly put together but my faith was restored when I pulled into it's parking lot of hope. Right away I bought a great old metal vanity chair, an old planter that is marked 101-7 UPCO USA, a hurricane tracking cork board and a cheesy silver palm tree bowl (that will sell all too quickly). When I walked a little further I scored a wire chicken that will be perfect for my daughter to retrieve our chicken eggs which has been a problem in the past because at 6 eggs a day she keeps dropping a few and my husband is sure that it's going to cause my hens to be cannibals because they're eating their young. Not sure if there's science behind that but problem solved! The wire chicken basket also had two glass balls in it that already look great mixed in with my fruit as the centerpiece of my recently purchased dining room table!!!! So, if all that wasn't good enough, I then spotted the dreamy marble topped chest of drawers! It was in awful shape and needs SOOOO much work but I was in love. She wanted $50 for it and wouldn't budge on the price. I had to walk away. I had to. It was painful but I had to. I left that sale feeling defeated. I mean this marble topped chest of drawers was amazing!!!! It could be a piece of furniture that I could have for the rest of my yard saling years. My kids could fight over it when I go to the flea market in the sky. I went to two more sales after that but I only went through the motions. My mind was back at the church. I decided to return to the lady and offer her $35 and that would be my final offer! Turns out she got me for another five and for a mere $40 I bought a piece of shit marble topped chest of drawers that needs so much work I doubt it will ever be freed from the purgatory of my garage. What the hell was I thinking? I NEED MORE SLEEP!!!! Damn you, hunky Avett Brothers!!!


  1. don't feel so bad, jane drove all around leland looking for a yard sale and NEVER found it. i am never going to the Azalea parade again. done, done, done!!!!! when you go to the yard sale in the sky i will fight your kids for the goods!!!

  2. You must be showing the good side of that dresser because it looks amazing in the pic. On Azalea parades, we did that in Houston too! Boys hated it and only wanted $5 cotton candy, which was all over their clothes and hair.