Saturday, July 30, 2011

Vocal Diarrhea, Mini Temptresses and Street Side Memorials

Wouldn't you know the day my sister visits from Kansas City, the yard sales suck! I feel like I'm a horrible diplomat of the yard sale community. Why couldn't this morning have been a picker's extravaganza like it was a few weeks ago? She did get a couple of boogie boards, a bracelet and a cool deco-esque lamp, though. I guess she forgives me.

I have to start by saying that I scanned back in my cell phone last night to text my sister that I'd be over my other sister's house to pick her up at 6:35. Only I got confused with what I thought was her cell number (913) for a government office in Raleigh that I called last week (919) and I texted them instead. THANK GOD I didn't text that I couldn't wait to get out and yard sale because I wanted to murder my kids! That's SO something I would do! Kind of like a few days ago when my son's kindergarten teacher showed me her new Disney silverware and I asked if she stole them. I was only kidding but who the hell says that to their kid's teacher? I ain't right!

Anyway..... luckily my sister dolls up quickly and was out the door a few minutes after I arrived (apparently unexpectedly) just after half past six. She treated me to an iced coffee and I gotta tell ya........HIGHLY enjoyed it! Takes all the fuzz out of those first few stops! Unfortunately, this morning was not the day to need to be overly observant. Clothes, clothes and more clothes! I did buy a cheese grater at out first sale but the woman actually rolled her eyes at me when I asked if she'd accept 50 cents to her one dollar item. Really, lady? A cheese grater only costs a dollar! You should be happy to have my two quarters!!! You know I eye rolled her right back (well, when I walked away)!

Our next sale was more crap that should have been donated to the Salvation Army but I walked away with two frames none the less. (They're perfect for paint and shabbitization....and yet hideous now.)

Next up was an inside/moving sale but they made bad choices in their lives and had acquired nothing but crap. I hope their next chapter is better for them! (And THEN they have a yard sale!!!)

After that we hit a freestyle and for lack of anything to buy, I left with a necklace. I think I like it. Not sure.

Have you fallen asleep yet? I'd understand if you did. Well....I'll keep going because I know my mom always reads. Ma, next I bought twelve new wine glasses because like I've said before, I think it's ludicrous that an alcoholic beverage should be put in a top heavy glass and obviously we go through them like crazy! Some people like the 'stemless' wine glasses but really isn't that just a glass?

Next up was a sale for a woman whose house burned down a few weeks ago. I was hoping to make a bigger donation for her new life but I'm not sure how much my $4 helped. I bought an old Atlas jar with lid, a great Spiderman beach towel that folds into itself and becomes a backpack and six plastic cereal bowls that look like the old glass ones. What a good humanitarian I am!!

WAKE UP, MA!!!!!

After that we went into the mall for a church sale (only in the south!!!) The man at the door started to tell us about how they were using the money they raised from this sale for their trip to Uganda to put wells in for the............. but luckily my sister saved the day and just bolted in saving us from the rest of his sermon. I love her! Inside, I bought a pretty crocheted sweater for my daughter and a dress up dress that my sister found in the pile. It was a good find too because dress up clothes usually stop at size 6x. Don't they know that older girls are divas too? The first thing my daughter does when her other eight year old friends come over is dress to the nines! In some cases they look like little whores but who can blame them! Their innocent little Tinkerbell outfits are too small!!! They do try to squeeze into those old dresses but over the years they've become torn and I almost prefer the whore look to the oh-my-god-who-raped-Cinderella look. So, like I said, the size 10 dress up dress was a score indeed!

That about wraps up our saling. We then hit the farmers market downtown....oh wait....we did hit another sale in the hood before the farmer's market and the only thing significant about it was that it was across the street from where someone was shot last week and had the creepy memorial area with the stuffed animals and the fake flowers. If I meet my demise in an unnatural way, please don't honor me in that way. At least put real flowers!! I gave $4 to charity just this morning for Christ's sake!

Finally, I dropped my sister off but only to hit a freestyle on the way home. I scored two old Sundrop bottles. I have enough old bottles to become a distributor but what's two more? I saw on a show the other day that a man collected washing machines. Now, that man has a problem!!! Hear that, hubby? It could be a lot worse!!! A LOT!!!!!!

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