Saturday, June 26, 2010

Drinking n driving and a Little Red Devil

So another sucky day. Not sure what's up. Were the past 2 summers so good because of the media frenzy that everyone would perish in the bad economy and therefore must sell everything they had? Has the medical field prospered so much that grannies aren't dying anymore? Are more than 4 people reading this blog and word's out that Yard Sale Mama is talkin' trash about their 'family heirlooms'? Don't know but I'm missing my adrenalin rush. Slim pickins out there, ya'll.

First up was one of those freaky churches that I fear might tamper with their Kool-Aid. I don't want lightening to strike or anything but what kind of folk are congregating in a dilapidated old house in the midst of college frat houses? (Discuss amongst yourselves) I did get an ok magazine rack. I might even give it to my daughter after it's painted and she can put her Highlights mags in that are always in perfect condition since all she ever opens them for is the one picture search page. I can't blame her. I loved that page too when I was a kid. Of course I only got to find the one item that the person before me in the dentist office couldn't find since I was not privy to my very own subscription. (Insert large sigh)

Next up appeared to be a drive-by but it was still before 7 so we stopped. I'm still not sure I'm glad we did but I got a 'fresh-o-later' tin (which are great for compost although I already have one and not sure why I bought another), a Hulk and a Power Ranger costume (which my son is asking me to zip up right now) and a trolling bait bucket (which I bought for hubby and he responded with, "I already have one." [Great! It still beats the fingerless gloves that I asked for for Christmas and instead of buying me a decent pair the bastard went to Walmart and bought regular gloves and cut the tips off! Now they're unraveling and I look homeless every time I sport them. Come to think of it, they might just help my yard saling because people feel sorry for me and sure they'll take 50 cents for Aunt Dee's antique lamp. Who'd take more from someone so down on their luck?]). (Insert larger sigh)

Next was a freestyle that I got my fav of the day; a pair of shoe forms. What I love about them (and Jane said the same thing) is that they're kind of creepy. The one is almost a bone color and the other was once a bone color but now the paint is chipping and looks like flesh is missing. They're freakin' cool!

After that I bought an ugly metal tray that I'm pretty sure is newer and I tried to put it down but I just couldn't walk away. Now my Buyer's Remorse Little Devil is sitting on my shoulder and laughing at me. Whatever little dude! It was 50 cents! Fuck it's cheesy though! (Insert UUGGGHHH)

The next couple were kid's shit and more kid's shit. (Insert eye roll) I did get a extra booster seat for hubby's truck. I like driving around breaking the law though. Why's the man gotta tell me how to raise my kids? My father let me and my sister lay across the back windshield on the way back from the bar with a Dewars and water between his legs while cursing at sports radio. We lived! (Wow, between that and the lack of Highlights, it's a wonder I'm not in therapy!)

Ok, moving right stop had a bunch of shit but an adorable little boy was selling grotesquely sweet lemonade. He gave a fresh cup to Jane but poured me one in the cup I just saw him drink out of. I thought of saying something but what the hell. I survived the Garden State Parkway at hellishly fast speeds with my face pressed up against glass with a driver drunk on scotch in my youth. A little germs aren't gonna take me out!

After that I bought a book about walking across Africa. It could be great or it could be really boring. I figured I'd take a chance. I'm stock piling books for The Great Sabbatical where my fam takes off for a year either on a catamaran or in a hut in a village in Panama. Either way not having a library is my biggest worry. Storms at sea, shark infested water, not knowing the language; not a problem. Being couped up with my family and no reading material and mental escape; BIG PROBLEM!! Boxes of books are a must!

Ok, next sale was at a bar that is going out of business. They had a lot of cool stuff but since I'm out of college I had to decline. In addition the place smelled not of dank beer like you'd expect but of cat piss. Interesting. I did get their sign that they'd put the little white letters into the felt indents for their specials. My 26 year old nephew's birthday is next week and I think he'll really dig it.

Last up I got a table that my Little Devil is poking my shoulder with his pitch fork right now. Maybe it'll shabby up nicely. I don't know. I knew it was time to head back home and I think I was just desperate to buy something of substance. Maybe I was just crashing from my lemonade sugar high. Or maybe the little-kid-funk was doing the backstroke in my bloodstream and developing into full fledged cooties! Oh shut up, Little Red Devil! Stop laughing!!!

1 comment:

  1. I wonder if Erma Bombeck started this way?
    I wonder if she had exciting rides with her dad?
    I wonder if lack of Highlights, causes book hoarding?
    I wonder if Mama has a big enough house?
    I wonder if Mama realizes that's she's just like her Uncle - now there's a therapy moment......