Saturday, July 31, 2010
Warning: Must Drink Coffee Before Reading! Too Boring to Endure Without!
Today's lesson, kids, is about the journey being the destination. Or as Yard Sale Mama would say........this morning freaking sucked! What the hell is going on? I realize some peeps are on vacation but it's slim pickins out there, ya'll! Good news is, I saved money, right? And I got to spend quality time with Jane who's been tied up with family for the last THREE weeks!! I even turned down alcohol last night as I didn't want to break rule #1 in the Yard Saler's Code of Conduct Manual. Damn! What's going on?!
Well, I could never let down my fans (stop laughing!) so the show (or blog) must go on. This is what went down....
Although there were only 9 good sales this morning, 3 were at 6 a.m. Normally I love the early ones because of my 8:30 curfew but I didn't sleep well last night and when my alarm went off, it interrupted my marriage plans to David Byrne, singer for The Talking Heads whom I didn't realize I've ever had deep feelings for but in my dream we were courting and things were looking serious. Not sure how to analyze that one so I'm moving on.
Our first stop I was still so groggy (or love struck) that I felt like I had broken Rule #1. Luckily there wasn't anything to put me in a confusion tizzy. I did get an old bottle that is from Linden, NJ and it had barnacles on it so I thought I might have some stories to tell. (By the way, did you know that barnacles have the largest penises for their size than any other creature? [thanks, Amie for that piece of knowledge]).
Next up were 2 freestyle sales but only a cheesy set of metal salt and pepper shakers were to get me to dig into my wad of singles for exchange. I bought and sold this same set last year so I'm hoping for deja vu. After that was a haze of folks selling kids crap; and I mean crap! One sale had a Dora the Explorer bust that I guess you would put makeup on and style her hair like the Barbie ones of the 70's but this looked more like Dora had been trying to kick heroin but the hold the drug had on her had forced her to spend some nights on a park bench because this Dora had some nappy dread locked hair and a crazed look in her eye and really; does a little girl need makeup? Maybe it's a Latin thing. What? Did I say something offensive?
Ok, so the next sale was probably the highlight of my morning because I got 2 Yankee Candle tarts in my favorite Clean Cotton and the sticker said 2 for 10 cents but she didn't have change of a quarter so I got them for free! That's right, FREE!!!!! Woo hoo!!! After that I got a coffee table book of the Hamptons with some marginally pretty pictures. On a better day I wouldn't have bought it but today was only slightly better than a root canal so now I have yet another coffee table book and don't even have a coffee table. Is anyone still even reading this because I feel like I'm losing the few people who do tune in?
Oh this might wake you guys up........So, we were heading to a sale on my list when we came upon a freestyle. After we turned on the street we noticed it was on the front lawn of a very rusted trailer. You just never know though so we parked. The only thing I liked were these 2 white metal chairs with bright yellow pleather seats. I asked her how much and she said, "Oh no! I just brought these out for us to sit on. These are antique chairs. They go with my antique table that's inside. I could never sell my antiques!" Of course she couldn't. What would that do to her net worth?
Oh, what a morning I had! Somewhere along the way I also got a knitting bag which again would not have made it into Jane's truck if it hadn't been such a blah morning. Hopefully it will force me to accomplish Learn How To Knit that's #4 on my Things To Do In 2010 list. I don't friggin know. To think I turned down wine and Miller Lites for this. Bullshit. Sorry if you're thinking this is 10 minutes of your life you'll never get back. I hear ya! Let's hope next week is better, you know like I'll run over an animal or someone will expose their junk on the side of the road. Yeah, that's a good morning! Next week. Next week'll be better. Next week it is!