The 1980's, An Old Crush and a Man on 2nd

I was sleeping so nicely. I mean REALLY so soundly! And I got up for this shit! Ugh!!!! Oh well. I can sleep when I'm dead. So.......

The first sale was on a grocery store's parking lot. We went here last week but it must have been listed to try to get vendors for the next week because last week when we went there there was no sale. I wanted to boycott it because they duped me but there weren't that many sales today so what the hell, we went. At fist glance it looked as though it was going to be good but it was a facade. I asked one granny who was a slow talking Katherine Hepburn how much a few of her things were but she wanted too much for her crap. Mr. President of P.B.S, please cancel Antiques Roadshow so that I don't have to deal with such people who think that their broken doll cradle is worth $20. I feel like I can't possibly be old enough to make statements like this but....remember the 80's? You could buy ANYTHING for a dollar! Now every one's 'in the know'! Then again there was no HGTV then I was forced to watch This Old House and New Yankee Workshop for inspiration. I had such a crush on Steve. He was such a dufus but man could he swing that hammer! Now there's hosts like dreamy Oosterhouse. I have to agree with Virginia Slims. 'You've come a long way, baby'! So what was I talking about? Oh yeah, sale at the grocery store. I did get a cheesy metal sun (because I had to buy something) and a batman cape for my son for a quarter. Woo hoo!!!

After that we hit 2 freestyles that both sucked. I was sure that I was going to pull up to #2 on my list and someone was going to be pulling away with the score of a lifetime which I would have missed because of my detour but I had nothing to worry about. Number 2 was #2 alright. Shit! I got all of a Buzz Lightyear plastic water bottle for my son. Yippie!

Next up was my score of the day. A great old vanity that with a little paint will be a home run. Well, it doesn't have the mirror so maybe just a man on 3rd. Well, some of the veneer has chipped off so a solid man on 2nd. Now I'm bummed. My fav of the day and I'm only half way around the field. Great!

Ok, next was a shit sale with a bunch of kids crap but I did get a Spanish dictionary (you can always use one of those, right? Right?) and an old Tom Swift and His Rocket Ship book from the 50's with a really pretty vibrant cover. Slow me down!!!

After that, blah blah blah. And after that blah, blah, blah. Then I got yet another skateboard helmet for my daughter because Goldilocks can't seem to find the one that's just right. And lastly I got 2 awful fruit 'paintings' that are fake cheap prints made to look like paintings and I didn't want them but the lady insisted that Jane take them because she didn't want to have to bring them back in. Even Jane didn't want them so I'm stuck with them for our next yard sale. Don't know when that will be but I can't wait to sit back and watch the freak show. Yard salers! What losers!!!

Check out this Yellow Low Back Bench w/ Red Bird Fabric; $47, Old Window w/ Decorative Finials and Candle Holders; $37 and this Sea Foam Rustic Step Stool; $42 @ Pelican's Roost!!!!

Went back to the sale with the over priced chair and not only did he sell it for what I wanted to pay, I also got a farm table!!!! Then, on the way home, I hit a freestyle and scored an old step stool!!! Great Day!!!!

An English Gentleman, An Ugly American and Pasties

Why is it I spring out of bed during the week before the alarm even goes off and I'm a chipper little sprite ready to take on the day? Saturday morning rolls around however, and the alarm sounds like a Cold War air raid? So many of life's little mysteries! Well, in hind sight, the scare of a Russian invasion was well worth it.

Our first stop was one of those where their stuff was great but a wee pricey even though we knew we could still make a nice profit off the goods. I was tempted to pass but so many people were looking at the same items I was. I was all but urinating on them to mark my territory so in the heat of the moment with the feeling of winning, I purchased a nice little bench that will come back to life very nicely with some new paint and fabric and a violin that I'v been looking for for my daughter because my sister-in-law, her god mother, plays one and she's shown an interest so far be it for me to stifle her artist goals! (Incidentally, my sister-in-law, Shannon, plays with Flight's Kool up in the Garden State and you must go see them if you're up that way 'cause they're awesome!!! And I'm not just sayin' that!!!) Ok, so back to me me me. I also left there at the last minute with a tall wooden quilt rack. Not sure how popular these things are today but painted an antique white and shabbied up, I don't think you could resist it.

Next up was a sale that they have on a church's lawn pretty frequently but it's turned into a dealer's flea market and if I wanted to pay antique store prices I sure as shit wouldn't be up at the crack of dawn trudging through the morning dew soaked grass getting my toes and flip flops all saturated and covered with grass clippings. I leave there looking like Swamp Thing (empty handed!!!) I say I'm not going to go back but my name is Christine C. and I'm an addict!

After that we hit a few duds but then we went to one with tons of beautiful antiquities but again, too expensive. Jane however, got the husband outside to give her a price on a HUGE old crock and she got the sucker for $25!!!!! It's got to be worth hundreds!!! Well done, Jane!!! Mama got nothin'. (Sigh)

The next couple were shitty. I did get a few headbands for my little lady and some books. One was even an old Hardy Boys book but blah, blah, blah. I did see an amazing old metal patio chair but I just couldn't spend $20 for it. Now I won't sleep for days thinking about it. It was really THAT cool. Bummer. It sucks being cheap! My daughter has a play date later near there. I might swing by and see if it could possibly still be there. I'm sure it isn't. What an ass I am! (Sigh again)

The next sale was in a nice neighborhood (errrrrr) but we thought we'd go anyway and although most of the things were as you can expect from a nice neighborhood, priced too steep, I did pick up an old wooden Canada Dry soda crate and it had $5 on it but I got the husband this time who was English and I said (revoltingly sweet and high pitched), "This says $5 but would you take less for it?" To which he replied, "Oh no....." and in that split second my mind raced with, "Look you English son of a bitch, I'm paying with dollars here. Do you realize how weak they are right now, you pompous ass!" But he finished by saying, "Oh no...$5 is much too much. $2 will do." Sorry lovely English chap. I'm an ugly American and I can't help it. Plus, I got up so early, sir. You understand, right? Maybe I can buy some new fuses for my temper at the next sale. They would be my fav of the day for certain!

Short circuiting and crazy, I went to our final sale and there were tons of stuff but all I was drawn to was a very bizarre old painted window where the 'artist' attached finials to the top and then screwed in 3 Plexiglas holders where candles rested. I'm finding I have no other words to express what I feel about this .....sculpture, would you call it? Not sure. All I know is that I'm it's new owner and it should be one hell of a challenge to tag it for the store. Please write in with any suggestions on what to call it.

Ok, on that note, I'm off to a play date. It's with a bunch of girls whose mothers found the traditional Girl Scouts had just too many rules so we formed our own. Sometimes it amazes me that there are more people out there who think like me. OR they could feel sorry for me because both me and my daughter usually have the $1 price tags still dangling off some part of our ensemble. Whatever! It was a huge hit for Minnie Pearl! I don't think the fist time Madonna went out in public with her pasties on she was met with open arms. Life ain't easy for us trend setters!!!

She Ain't Rainin' in Southport!!! (Well, in Northrop's)

From Top to Bottom.........
Red Vintage Lined Basket $26, Yellow Wooden Child's Bench $33, 'Southport' and 'Bald Head' Scrabble Signs $5.50 ea, 2 Yellow Shabby Side Chairs w/ Red Fabric $43 ea, Bud Light Electric Bar Sign $34, 'Cocktails' and 'Sail Away' Scrabble Signs $5.50 ea, Red Shabby Step Stool $19, 1950's Newborn Diaper Caddy $19 and last but certainly not least an Old Cast Iron Bench w/ Costa Rican Coffee Sack Seat $54.

The Nemesis, Fat Feet and a Potentially Deadly Spider Bite

Well, today wasn't a day dreams are made of but it was good. I didn't really have high expectations since there weren't a whole lot of sales so maybe that helped my complacency. Anyway, this is how it went down..........

First up was at Katy's Bar a few blocks from my house. (Incidental, if you want to have a good time Friday nights and want to see damn good Mexican cowboys and rednecks singing karaoke; this is the place for you!!) Anyway, it was mobbed when we got there 15 minutes early which gets both Jane and me all excited but it fizzled this time when the goods were a tad too pricey. I did get a beautiful old cast iron bench, a scrabble game and a Bud Light bar sign that lights up! I was hoping for a bigger kill but you can't have gazelle for dinner every night! Leaving, however, we noticed HE was there! I haven't introduced him yet because HE's hard to ever talk about. Here it goes.......THE NEMESIS.

The Nemesis is a guy who used to be a fireman and got a job working part time at THE antique consignment store in town in the warehouse. He immediately noticed how much money they were getting for their goods and thought he'd try a yard sale or two and make some extra cash. WELL, wouldn't you know he's now their #1 consigner and all the ladies there will tell me is that I wouldn't believe how much he makes and that he no longer slides down the pole (well, for money, or tax dollars- who knows what else he'll do for some bills?!) So, I hate him as you can imagine. Not only due to jealously but because he snaked me one time for a great old crock with a sailboat on it that I of course saw at the consignment store the next week for 100 mother fucking dollars!!! What intrigues us so about him is that every time we see his gray truck, it's usually filled with crap. The consignment store is super picky and I know wouldn't take 90% of the shit he buys so........what's he doing? It's something we're missing. Some junk store gold mine or something. I just don't know. I can't stand the mystery though. We've even seen him at sales before they start and the son of a bitch is helping them set up! Some day we'll get to the bottom of this. Our questions must be answered!!!!

So, with my head wrapped around unlocking HIS secret world, the next few sales were a bust. They would have been a bust even without The Nemesis but I'm still bitter about the crock so I'll blame him for whatever I want! Then we stopped at sale and I got a really cute 1950's baby caddy with little containers for 'swabs', diaper pins, lotion and cotton. Really cute! I also got a pair of flippers and brand new pair of shoes for my daughter that are in a European size (so you know they were expensive) but my little Fred Flintstone says they're too small. I might try to trim her toe nails later and see if i can't wedge those cabbage patch feet into those shoes. Maybe some butter even. Ugh! I want them to fit. Oh well.

The next sale was at a fancy house in a fancy neighborhood so all the roaches were there. Not the insects but the trailer trash (except us, we're classy grubs!). Nothing. Too expensive and too picked through. Normally I would never walk on some one's lawn because I'm ex-pizza delivery but I walked on their lawn. Take that!

After that we stopped at a freestyle and I got a pair of Vans flip flops (that I've already scrubbed down in rubbing alcohol and look great! Fav of the day!!!) and a little bench. When I asked the grandma how much, she asked if 50 cents would be ok. Can't they all be like that? Come to think of it, what the hell was 4' 5" Ruth doing with a pair of size 10 Van's flip flops? So many riddles to crack this morning!!

The next sale was a young couple who obviously never were even AT a yard sale before because they were grossly over priced. T-shirts for $5? Sorry folks. I know you're both fresh out of college and those business courses have taught you a thing or two about marketing but life's going to be your best teacher. Take it from me, Ashton and Ashley, t-shirts at yard sales are at best 50 cents, ok! Kids!

So, after that, I got an adorable old basket with the cutest vintage material that I want to keep so bad but I'm afraid if I bring just one more item in this house, the floors might sink to China. I also got a super cool old tennis racket and the super coolest old preppy carrying case to go with it. I seriously could invite 50 of my closest friends to play a match with me because I can't stop buying the old wooden rackets. I just love them! I'm extra inspired too because I just finished OPEN by Andre Agassi and it was terrific. A must read!

So, with the digital clock in Jane's truck reminding us it's time to head back, we only had time for one more. Well, that was the one prior to this but this other one was so close and we promised each other no lolly gagging so we had to go. All I got was a kid's bench but painted will be great so it was nice to leave on a high note.

Frankly, I could go on more but the spider bite I got last week on my derriere is not feeling so hot and the great old wooden desk chair that I'm sitting on that looks great but isn't that comfy to begin with is now killing my rump! Let's hope it wasn't a brown recluse. If I have to go suddenly, I really hope the story is a lot more exciting than a bite on the arse. Should it be my demise, however, be sure to find a way to keep ALL of my finds for my kids and for the love of god, keep my husband's new wife and her little fat fingers off my vintage post card collection. Whore! Thanks ya'll!

New Items @ Northrop's in Southport, NC

From Left to Right..............
Yellow Plate Rack $29, Nude Signed Sketch (poorly photographed) $65, Large Floral Painting in Yellow Frame $165, 1960's Rolling Rock Chalkware Horse $34, Little Red 1 Drawer Side Table $42, Yellow Armchair w/ Red Bird Fabric $68, Large Creamic Bowl w/ Small Flowers $23, Betty Boop $26, Coke Tray $14, Small Antique Desk $49, Vintage Picnic Basket $23, Yellow Lighthouse for Birds or Plants $32 and Bamboo Drink Table or Plant Stand $18.

One Small Crush, Two Boobies and The Ukrainian

Fiiiinnnnaaaalllllyyyyy!!!!! Yes, yes, YES!!!! Today was amazing!!!! I thought for sure the threat of rain would have me sleeping in but oh no!!!! No siree!!!! Where do I begin? How about the beginning.........So, first up was an address that I was pretty sure was my favorite saler of all time and low and behold it was. This dude has maybe 2 sales a year and he must be a auction freak because he always has soooo much cool shit. He's great on the buying end of the game but no so much with the selling end because his great stuff is really freakin cheap! He reminds me so much of Mike Wolf from American Pickers. He's kind of a hottie too (sorry, Dave, but I think I may fancy him). Well, anyway, at the sale, (note huge grin on my face) I got a huge floral painting that's in a great frame but painted a la 70's so it's a bit cheesy now but a fresh coat of paint on the frame and it's going to be fantastic! Ummm, I also got a side table, blah, blah, and an old mirror with a stupendous frame for my dining room wall of mirrors which I believe I said a few weeks ago was complete but what do you know! I can fit one more!!! And let's see...I also got a Rolling Rock statue with a horse, pretty cool and a weird Betty Boop plastic thing (????) and last but not least a great sketch of a naked (and perky) woman in a nice old frame. I would love to keep her but not sure where I could put her bosom. She'd look great in a bathroom but I think the moisture would damage the paper she's sprawled out on. I might have to keep her to make up for the crush I have on Dreamy Auction Guy. I'll know in about an hour when Hubby reads this. I'm just kidding, silly! (Or am I?)

Ok, I REALLY need to move on now! So, next up was a shit sale in a dry cleaners with nothing but kid's shit that I think they originally got from yard sales. They were unusually happy for that hour and I'm pretty sure are thinking about starting a church. Definitely a possibility. Ok, nothing there.

Next was also a house with nothing but kid's shit and the lady even called us back to look at another room of MORE kid's shit but nada there as well. Moving right along, next was a sale at another business and had really pretty paintings but the 'artist' wanted way too much for them. The one Jane picked up was still wet too and she had to shop the rest of the morning with paint all over her hands; beats some of the other funk we touch, though.

After that was a freestyle that we almost drove past but then I noticed a huge Moroccan inspired hanging lamp shade that will look superb in my daughter's room. The guy was a character too. Every other sentence out of his mouth went from a heavy Slavic language to full blown country. He had to be from the Eastern Block, though. No one except my late eccentric uncle could wear nuggets of gaudy gold around their neck except a foreigner. He also walked with a masculine sashay where he led his weight from his groin area (come on, you know mean). I'm sure he was quite the Rico Suave before he left the Ukraine. Come to think of it, I might have just the Russian friend for him!

Ok, I'll ease up on the Chatty Cathy now and get down to business. The next stop I scored a super awful plate rack that unfortunately I know will sell in a new beachy color. I got a Spider man punching bag for my lunatic son that wrestles down everyone he meets (much to my embarrassment). At another sale I got a great G Love and Special Sauce t-shirt (could be my fav of the day)!!!! Then we went to a freestyle and Jane got a great little dresser that we think would look smashing in a bathroom and I got a desk-ish thing that I could see more with coffee table books in the slot and one opened up on top in someones foyer. Not sure how I can word that when I go to sell it but I'm sure I'll think of something. And at our last stop I got a bedside, small dresser that's kind of masculine looking and I just see it in a navy for a boy's room. No, now I'm already thinking red. You know I loves me some red!!!

So, that's a wrap. I had a great freaking morning. I got stuff to sell and make some money and I got stuff for me and each of the kids even. How am I going to wait for next Saturday now? I want more, daddy! MORE!!!!! Oh well. Guess I'll go play with my fun house wall of mirrors now while wearing my new shirt. Man I live the life!

Warning: Must Drink Coffee Before Reading! Too Boring to Endure Without!

Today's lesson, kids, is about the journey being the destination. Or as Yard Sale Mama would say........this morning freaking sucked! What the hell is going on? I realize some peeps are on vacation but it's slim pickins out there, ya'll! Good news is, I saved money, right? And I got to spend quality time with Jane who's been tied up with family for the last THREE weeks!! I even turned down alcohol last night as I didn't want to break rule #1 in the Yard Saler's Code of Conduct Manual. Damn! What's going on?!

Well, I could never let down my fans (stop laughing!) so the show (or blog) must go on. This is what went down....

Although there were only 9 good sales this morning, 3 were at 6 a.m. Normally I love the early ones because of my 8:30 curfew but I didn't sleep well last night and when my alarm went off, it interrupted my marriage plans to David Byrne, singer for The Talking Heads whom I didn't realize I've ever had deep feelings for but in my dream we were courting and things were looking serious. Not sure how to analyze that one so I'm moving on.

Our first stop I was still so groggy (or love struck) that I felt like I had broken Rule #1. Luckily there wasn't anything to put me in a confusion tizzy. I did get an old bottle that is from Linden, NJ and it had barnacles on it so I thought I might have some stories to tell. (By the way, did you know that barnacles have the largest penises for their size than any other creature? [thanks, Amie for that piece of knowledge]).

Next up were 2 freestyle sales but only a cheesy set of metal salt and pepper shakers were to get me to dig into my wad of singles for exchange. I bought and sold this same set last year so I'm hoping for deja vu. After that was a haze of folks selling kids crap; and I mean crap! One sale had a Dora the Explorer bust that I guess you would put makeup on and style her hair like the Barbie ones of the 70's but this looked more like Dora had been trying to kick heroin but the hold the drug had on her had forced her to spend some nights on a park bench because this Dora had some nappy dread locked hair and a crazed look in her eye and really; does a little girl need makeup? Maybe it's a Latin thing. What? Did I say something offensive?

Ok, so the next sale was probably the highlight of my morning because I got 2 Yankee Candle tarts in my favorite Clean Cotton and the sticker said 2 for 10 cents but she didn't have change of a quarter so I got them for free! That's right, FREE!!!!! Woo hoo!!! After that I got a coffee table book of the Hamptons with some marginally pretty pictures. On a better day I wouldn't have bought it but today was only slightly better than a root canal so now I have yet another coffee table book and don't even have a coffee table. Is anyone still even reading this because I feel like I'm losing the few people who do tune in?

Oh this might wake you guys up........So, we were heading to a sale on my list when we came upon a freestyle. After we turned on the street we noticed it was on the front lawn of a very rusted trailer. You just never know though so we parked. The only thing I liked were these 2 white metal chairs with bright yellow pleather seats. I asked her how much and she said, "Oh no! I just brought these out for us to sit on. These are antique chairs. They go with my antique table that's inside. I could never sell my antiques!" Of course she couldn't. What would that do to her net worth?

Oh, what a morning I had! Somewhere along the way I also got a knitting bag which again would not have made it into Jane's truck if it hadn't been such a blah morning. Hopefully it will force me to accomplish Learn How To Knit that's #4 on my Things To Do In 2010 list. I don't friggin know. To think I turned down wine and Miller Lites for this. Bullshit. Sorry if you're thinking this is 10 minutes of your life you'll never get back. I hear ya! Let's hope next week is better, you know like I'll run over an animal or someone will expose their junk on the side of the road. Yeah, that's a good morning! Next week. Next week'll be better. Next week it is!

Don't miss this yellow shabby armchair with bird print fabric in red; this ocean blue table/stand; or this yellow wooden pig container @ Pelican's Roost!!!