Squatters, Churches and a Wooden Pig

Quite often Jane and I pull back into my driveway after our day of saling and we're a tad glum that we didn't hit the mother load. Quite often we're right. This morning, however, was slow and didn't feel like we were scoring much but as I clumped my finds together to take a photo, I was really quite pleased.

First up was a house downtown with a sign that read, "If it's not nailed down, it's for sale!" Nice. Unfortunately it's contents were your typical crap. They did have an old medicine cabinet but they wanted $25 for it. Prices like that get me in a bad mood. How dare they? I wanted to storm out of there but then I spotted a camping shower tent. I've been really wanting one of these so I dared ask. Luckily the gal said she hates camping so she told me a fair price. On principle I offered less and we met half way. Mama's happy!
It was as we were leaving downtown, to head to the next sale, however, that I had the highlight of my day. I was driving along and Jane giggled and told me to go back. I threw the van in reverse only to find a man squatting on a newspaper and wiping his ass as he stared me in the eyes. Now I'm not saying that there aren't times when you just gotta go..... but in a driveway? A few feet from the road? That was awesome. Can't make this shit up, folks. Literally!
Ok, on to number two (I couldn't resist that one) we just couldn't find the house. Luckily we freestlyed a different one and Jane got a great bistro set. Bi-atch! I bought an awful little table that I hate and wish I didn't buy but repainted some fool will buy it. Poor bastard.
Let's see......after that I got a great scrabble game with the dark stained letters from an old New Yorker and I gave him the money and then I saw a really nice sand chair (can you ever have enough of these?) and my change of the $5 was the $2 I just gave him and he said, "Whad ah you an Indian givah?". Guess so, P.C. Guy.
Moving right along.....at the next sale I got a to-go coffee mug (Again, can you ever have enough? The answer's 'no' in my house since hubby always leaves them in his truck and although there's always 10 on his front seat there's never 1 in my cabinet to hold my morning vice! Of course now there'll be 11 on his seat and none for mama. Errrrr!)
Next up I got a picnic basket for 15 cents because the guy didn't have change and that's all the coins I had. I might try to use that technique more often. In fact that did happen not that long ago I wanted to buy a great old bathroom cabinet and the lady wanted $2 and I only had $5 and she didn't have change and she told me to just take it. She said she was happy to just get rid of it. I painted that sucker and it sold for $40 a week later! Thank you, Yard Sale Gods!!!!!!
After that we went to the high school which was having a fundraiser and it was HUGE!!!! I was so excited but all I got was a big map for 10 cents. Oh and a Barbie life jacket which might have to be my score of the day since I've been looking for a girlie one in my daughter's size but they're really hard to find. There's tons for babies but not my baby. Now maybe she won't piss and moan on the boat that she has to wear a life jacket. Yeah right!
From there we stopped at a strange sale and the guy handed my a flyer about their strange church in an old bungalow. I bought 2 pool floats for the youngins and I was told to have a blessed day. Thanks, weird dude. I'll try. We live in the south. There's a church on every block. Why are folks always trying to organize yet another church? There's a perfectly good weird church in an old storefront 50 feet away. Just hang with those weird people. I really think you'd get along. (I wonder if hell really is THAT hot? I think if I stock up on the SPF I could be mayor.)
So....next I bought a wooden pig that's actually 2 wooden pigs with a wooden box between them and I was really excited when I purchased it until Jane and I were discussing what to paint it and frankly what you would do with it and then I realized I bought a wooden pig box. What the f*@$?
Ok, so now we're feeling wild because it's after 8:30 because both of our kids are with there grandparents so we can sale away but really now we're just looking at sloppy seconds. In addition I drove into this neighborhood that goes on and on and on and I got us lost and we feared we might grow old there. After a good 15 minutes we spotted our main road out of there but had to stop for one last sale. We pulled over and I got a great old arm chair. Single chairs are slow sellers but arm chairs seem to fly out of the store AND people will pay a nice amount for them. So, now I'm happy that I at least will break even on the gas I just spent.
Well, there you have it. Not a day for the story books but an adventure all the same. Can you believe I saw a man take a crap? You don't see that working 9 to 5!

Beat the Heat.......SHOP!

Sure the heat index outside is 105 but it's 68 in Northrop's Antique Mall in Southport, NC!!! Come get these great finds!
From left is 1939 beach scene print, a sea foam green table, 3 scrabble letters signs, an antique frame with chickenwire, a vintage school map of the war between the states, an aqua magazine rack, a barn red/tan potato and onion bin, a NC needlepoint, a sea foam green rocking chair, an antique white pot rack and a 50's paint-by-numbers light house painting.

Postcards, Huffing Addiction and Overpriced Glasses

I have so much adrenaline rushing right now I'm down right obnoxious! I woke up and just knew it was going to be a great day! Jane on the other hand broke rule #1 last night and did not share my love of life. Despite her lolligagging, however, it was a day yard sale dreams are made of.......well it was better than it's been, anyway.

So, the first sale was da bomb. My 1st purchase was a fabulous old sofa table right out from under the man who organized the 'send-a-youth-to-camp' sale (he was using it to stand behind with his money bin and coffee on it) and after I bought it I heard some of the other do-gooders talking that they couldn't believe he sold it. (Oh but he did!) Next up......my piece de resistance........a whole box, BOX I tell you of vintage postcards!!!!! At first the gal said 5 cents a piece then she went right to 3 for 5 cents so I asked how much the whole box would be and she said,"Oh about $2." I almost had a freakin heart attack! I love, Love, LOVE old postcards! I have a vintage postcard stand in my living room and now my collection has soared to a whole new elevation! Whoever had this collection was quite the world traveller too. Apparently he/she/they went all over the world in the 60's and 70's to places like Tenerife, Gibraltor, Guadalajara (where they also had a souvenir calendar card from '65 in the box as well), Grenada, merry old England and ALL over the US from national parks to a ranch in Wolverine, Michigan (with the dude, Buck's, business card) and Niagra Falls (with a receipt from The Spirit of the Mist '62). Man I'm still so pumped up about that score. Of course I've gone through each and everyone of them and displayed them in my stand already. Dangity dang they look great! You know they collected them their whole lives and their rotten children just sold them to me for the price of a cup of coffee (McDonalds I say; not even close to grande Starbucks frappa-whatever!)! Don't worry Gus and Gert, my brats will do the same to me one day.

So, after that it went downhill a bit. How could it not? Not too bad though. Let's see....after that we went to a school sale and there was crap but I did get 2 old bricks on the side of the road to add to my walkway that I've built one brick at a time (Johnny Cash Cadillac style!). After that I got an almost full gallon of paint in a bright teal that reminds me of the color they use at Maine Cottage that's in all the magazines that are so over priced I can't believe they sell a single thing! Maybe it's all in the color. We'll soon find out. I don't really like using latex though. A) I'm addicted to huffing the spray paint fumes and B) it's just so much more time consuming and messy. Oh well, for a buck it's worth some wrist action and a sober mind.

Ummm next....OH! Next we went to a sale in a fancy neighborhood which I always hate because they're usually packed with grubs and their shit is WAY overpriced. Well! Such was the case with this one indeed. I've been known to break a wine glass or 2 (because seriously- whoever thought to give a drinker a top heavy glass?!) and this whore had 2 odd glasses and when I asked how much she said $1 a piece! Are you freakin kidding me?! To that I mumbled something about them being that at the store and slammed them down. I'm not sure why it aggravated me so but lordy did it ever. Wouldn't you know, though, the very next sale had 4 for $1. That's more like it. You know I wanted to drive past My-Shit-Don't-Stink's house and flail out the window with my score. I didn't but I wanted to. Still want to!

Ok, so then I got a cheesy book for The Great Sabbatical, a pair of goggles for my younger brat, a scrabble game, a great vintage apron, 2 funky costume necklaces and a super cool old flag of Panama from a super cool lady who lived there in the 60's. We have a condo being built in Panama City but since it's taking FOREVER the flag will probably find it's way into my son's surfer room till he goes off to college and the place is finally done. I really dig it though! I freakin need a bigger house! Come on Panamanian builder men. Trabajo! Mama needs another crib to fill!

I Was 'Doobie'ous But Not Bad!

Ever so sound asleep you feel as though you're floating on a magic carpet with the wind gushing through you hair and although you feel exhilarated you're also in a state of total relaxation? Well, that was me at 6:20 this morning until the Doobie Brothers started screaming at me from within my alarm clock! Now I keep singing Black Water over and OVER in my head complete with the What's Happenin' scene where Rerun goes to see the Doobies live and brings a tape recorder with him but after bustin' out some of those famous Rerun moves he drops the devise on the floor and the music stops and it cuts to commercial and you think this is the end for good ol' Rerun but instead he gets a talking to from the band and all's good for Rerun, Rog, Dee and Dewayne Wayne. Mind you, every time I hear this song I mention this iconic scene from early 80's pop culture and I'm met with crickets and funny looks. Am I really the only one out there who saw this brilliant episode? Did I dream the whole thing on one of my previous magic carpet rides? Either way it was totally profound for me after school back in '82 but here in the new millennium at the crack of dawn I wanted to kick some Doobie ass (Rerun style with some knee slapping of course!)!
So, now I'm up, bouncing into door frames cause I'm still on borrowed carpet time, but up. I get ready (well, yard sale ready anyway) and go outside only to be blocked by sheets of rain that definitely weren't there 10 minutes prior. Being a freak whose mind never shuts off I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep so I went back to the world wide web in search of inside sales and low and behold there was one that looked promising. It was in a church (which you know I love) but it was pretty far out of town. This could have possibly turned me away but since I just got back from the mountains yesterday and spent a week in a world where 'local' attractions are an hour away I figured what the hell. I'm up.
So I get there and it's a moment where the angels are singing and it takes your breath away. Well, that was my first impression anyway. As I scaled the rows (and rows and rows) of the church gymnasium I realized it was not quite as heavenly as I first thought. It was pretty crowded too and a lot of 'professional' salers were there also. One freak (all pro salers are freaks except Jane and me)even had his fancy phone out and was scanning each item to see if it was worth anything. Dork! Anyway, I did score a great mirror that completes my wall of mirrors in my dining room and is up (dusty) already, an old camera that is also in it's 'primitive stage' but has already made it to my "world traveler room", ummmm......I got a Coastal Living book that will surely find a home with her cousins on my book shelf (although I haven't read yet and it's killing me!), I got 2 books (you know for The Great Sabbatical), I got a frame that is old and chippy and great but it's oval on top and a bitch to find a purpose for but I'm thinking hanging something on the wall and placing the frame around it might be good or GOOD GOD CHICKEN WIRE! Oh yes a little chicken wire behind and some clothes pins and and you've got one hell of a message board or perhaps an earring display piece! Hot diggity now I'm excited! Ok, back to the church.....I also got a scuba flag on a pole with a weight and bouy that I think will look cute in my son's room and a cheesy bench with a god-awful heart that will sell with a little paint and last but not least a needle point in a frame that's of the great state of North Carolina with all the cities marked and cutsie little pictures representing the regions. It's ok. Some fool will buy it.
Ok, so that was my morning. Looking back it wasn't so bad. I know I should write something cute and witty now but if I don't go read that decorating book in the next few seconds I could possibly spontaneously combust! You understand, right? Bye!!!

Drinking n driving and a Little Red Devil

So another sucky day. Not sure what's up. Were the past 2 summers so good because of the media frenzy that everyone would perish in the bad economy and therefore must sell everything they had? Has the medical field prospered so much that grannies aren't dying anymore? Are more than 4 people reading this blog and word's out that Yard Sale Mama is talkin' trash about their 'family heirlooms'? Don't know but I'm missing my adrenalin rush. Slim pickins out there, ya'll.

First up was one of those freaky churches that I fear might tamper with their Kool-Aid. I don't want lightening to strike or anything but what kind of folk are congregating in a dilapidated old house in the midst of college frat houses? (Discuss amongst yourselves) I did get an ok magazine rack. I might even give it to my daughter after it's painted and she can put her Highlights mags in that are always in perfect condition since all she ever opens them for is the one picture search page. I can't blame her. I loved that page too when I was a kid. Of course I only got to find the one item that the person before me in the dentist office couldn't find since I was not privy to my very own subscription. (Insert large sigh)

Next up appeared to be a drive-by but it was still before 7 so we stopped. I'm still not sure I'm glad we did but I got a 'fresh-o-later' tin (which are great for compost although I already have one and not sure why I bought another), a Hulk and a Power Ranger costume (which my son is asking me to zip up right now) and a trolling bait bucket (which I bought for hubby and he responded with, "I already have one." [Great! It still beats the fingerless gloves that I asked for for Christmas and instead of buying me a decent pair the bastard went to Walmart and bought regular gloves and cut the tips off! Now they're unraveling and I look homeless every time I sport them. Come to think of it, they might just help my yard saling because people feel sorry for me and sure they'll take 50 cents for Aunt Dee's antique lamp. Who'd take more from someone so down on their luck?]). (Insert larger sigh)

Next was a freestyle that I got my fav of the day; a pair of shoe forms. What I love about them (and Jane said the same thing) is that they're kind of creepy. The one is almost a bone color and the other was once a bone color but now the paint is chipping and looks like flesh is missing. They're freakin' cool!

After that I bought an ugly metal tray that I'm pretty sure is newer and I tried to put it down but I just couldn't walk away. Now my Buyer's Remorse Little Devil is sitting on my shoulder and laughing at me. Whatever little dude! It was 50 cents! Fuck it's cheesy though! (Insert UUGGGHHH)

The next couple were kid's shit and more kid's shit. (Insert eye roll) I did get a extra booster seat for hubby's truck. I like driving around breaking the law though. Why's the man gotta tell me how to raise my kids? My father let me and my sister lay across the back windshield on the way back from the bar with a Dewars and water between his legs while cursing at sports radio. We lived! (Wow, between that and the lack of Highlights, it's a wonder I'm not in therapy!)

Ok, moving right along.........next stop had a bunch of shit but an adorable little boy was selling grotesquely sweet lemonade. He gave a fresh cup to Jane but poured me one in the cup I just saw him drink out of. I thought of saying something but what the hell. I survived the Garden State Parkway at hellishly fast speeds with my face pressed up against glass with a driver drunk on scotch in my youth. A little germs aren't gonna take me out!

After that I bought a book about walking across Africa. It could be great or it could be really boring. I figured I'd take a chance. I'm stock piling books for The Great Sabbatical where my fam takes off for a year either on a catamaran or in a hut in a village in Panama. Either way not having a library is my biggest worry. Storms at sea, shark infested water, not knowing the language; not a problem. Being couped up with my family and no reading material and mental escape; BIG PROBLEM!! Boxes of books are a must!

Ok, next sale was at a bar that is going out of business. They had a lot of cool stuff but since I'm out of college I had to decline. In addition the place smelled not of dank beer like you'd expect but of cat piss. Interesting. I did get their sign that they'd put the little white letters into the felt indents for their specials. My 26 year old nephew's birthday is next week and I think he'll really dig it.

Last up I got a table that my Little Devil is poking my shoulder with his pitch fork right now. Maybe it'll shabby up nicely. I don't know. I knew it was time to head back home and I think I was just desperate to buy something of substance. Maybe I was just crashing from my lemonade sugar high. Or maybe the little-kid-funk was doing the backstroke in my bloodstream and developing into full fledged cooties! Oh shut up, Little Red Devil! Stop laughing!!!

Should you decide to head out in this 100 degree heat, head to Pelican's Roost for this 1890's Dictionary Stand and Vintage Wooden Pepsi Crate.

Come get your Blue Shabby Desk Organizer, NC Coast Map/Tray, Lumina Print of Old Wrightsville Beach and Vintage Ball Jar with Olive Shells

@ Pelican's Roost 5717 Carolina Beach Road

Mallards, Kryptonite and a Funny Odor

The Yard Sale Gods were on my side this morn. It poured all night only to let up at 6:30 then a mere mist during the festivities (which I love; makes me feel all one with nature and April fresh) then back to dark skies as the sales commenced. Part of me did fantasize last night as the thunder was rolling that I could sleep in but, really? Would I have slept in? Negatory. Anyway, great day for saling.
First up was a church (can I get a woo woo!). I got (possibly fav of the day right off the bat) an old school desk that's abnormally high and painted white and shabbied up just might not make it out of my house (my very cluttered house- oh well). Also, a complete boy scout camping mess kit with 6 pots and lids and a coffee pot in it's very own boy scout nylon bag! That's a keeper. Might even have 'Happy Father's Day' written all over it. Oh, and a god awful stained mallard print in a tray but again painted white and shabitized with possibly a map in it, might just be a beauty.
The next was at The Shriner's Club (which is as cool as a church!) and there I got a fantabulous old suitcase complete with an old Germany sticker from none other than the region my grandmother was from (I'm obsessed with all things German) so, indeed, a good find! I also bought a terrific old paint-by-numbers lighthouse that really the 'artist' did such a good job that you almost can't tell it's such. I really like the lighting on it too. Reminds me of a Hopper painting (my favorite painter). But as with the first stop, after two great things for mama, I also got a horrific wooden desk organizer but painted perhaps a beachy yellow will have some sellability.
OK, then we were off to only one shit sale before I picked up a BEAUTIFUL old rocker complete with bird shit. Rockers don't sell well but this one will have to be an exception because it's divine. Either that or it will go up to my daughter's room which since it's a large room, it gets all my furniture in limbo. Luckily she's pretty good about mommy also taking stuff away and selling it although I'm sure I'll be paying for it later when she's in therapy for attachment issues. Sorry kid. Oh, and I got a beachy pail there and should I have wanted them, could have had free kittens. One never knows what one could stumble upon at a yard sale. I want to say something now about pussies but I'm trying to keep this as clean as I can so please note I'm trying. Suffering but trying!!!
Moving right along, we then went to a blues bar that previously has had great sales but this one, not so much. Jane got a great old fan (sure to sever a digit if it gets in its way but also the kind that assist with the best, "Luke, who's your father?" impressions). I, on the other hand, got an old metal can which I tried really REALLY hard not to buy since I've over collected these but it has red around the rims! RED!!! You understand, right? Red's my kryptonite! I was helpless under it's spell. Damn you, Evil (pronounced e-veeel) Crimson Power!!!!
Maybe I was still in a fog but the next few sucked. One sale even had a pair of Coach heals (sure that's a high end brand but they sell them at Marshall's now) complete with black foot indentations for (drum roll.....................) $50!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!! What kind of delusional world do some of these people live in? IT"S A FUCKING YARD SALE, FREAK!!!!! So, I bought them. Just kiddin! I wear a size 10 and unless we're at a drag queen's house, I'm s.o.l!
Ok, that's a wrap for me. Well, I did buy two skateboard helmets for each of my brats but they fought over who would get which color as soon as I walked in the door and I debated smashing them but I chose to lock myself in here instead. It's awfully quiet out there now. I should really go check if they've killed each other. Or maybe I'll go on facebook for a while and wait for an odor. See ya next week!

Ok, friends. Come get these antique white end tables, rustic red stool, vintage bathroom cabinet and 'that perfect size' yellow table @

Northrop Antiques Mall 111East Moore St. in beautiful Southport, NC!!!!!

Find this wonderful Distressed Tray/Bin

& Shabby Palm Tree Planter

@ Pelican's Roost

5717 Carolina Beach Road in Wilmington!